Hopefully you can help resolve this argument one way or another!

krlyr

Elinore wrote: »

We then both got second jobs – this allowed for petrol money and overpayments with some fun money. These jobs slotted very well into our daily lives – Mr. works a very early shift so just tacks a hour or so on the end of his. I also work a very early job. The weekend job is done first thing so leave the day free. There is so little wiggle room the ‘fun money’ got sucked in to trying to rebuild some savings or those small costs that crop up – flowers for your SIL, birthday/leaving/weddings family events that we actually want to attend - kind of thing.

Cue third job.

So if one job each is basic mortgage/bills, two jobs each was overpayments & savings, and third job is 'fun money' - I think I'd have to agree with you that the fun money is yours to do what you like. It appears your OH has forgone the third job and the fun spend (if he's pretty low maintenance in terms of haircuts, clothing, etc.) but seems to begrudge you having that.

However, being devils advocate...maybe he's not looking by hours worked but by money earned (as I believe you mentioned he earns more than you) and feels that by keeping the income, you're not contributing equally? If that's the case, I think that's a conversation you need to have together to decide what you feel is fair in terms of contribution/sacrifice (money vs time/effort)

The way I see it, I cannot control (to an extend) my salary. Take overpayments etc. out of it, and as a household simply paying mortgage & bills, would you expect to forever work a job and a half to bring home the same salary as him with his one job, if he were to be paid more than you? Or if it were reversed - you were paid more than him, would you expect him to work more hours to contribute equally?


I do have to agree with the others though. Original plan was lodger income = overpayments. So no lodger income = no overpayments. Or if you decide to find an alternative way to fund the overpayments, it needs to in a way agreed to be fair by both of you - your third income isn't being attributed as overpayment money, but in a way it is (because you've stopped using income from job #2 as fun money) - so back to above conversation on whether you feel you are contributing more by working more hours, or equally in terms of the lump sum.

badmemory

krlyr wrote: »

However, being devils advocate...maybe he's not looking by hours worked but by money earned (as I believe you mentioned he earns more than you) and feels that by keeping the income, you're not contributing equally? If that's the case, I think that's a conversation you need to have together to decide what you feel is fair in terms of contribution/sacrifice (money vs time/effort)

In post 4 the OP states that with both jobs they earn equal, although he earns more in his first job than she does in her first job.

krlyr

badmemory wrote: »

In post 4 the OP states that with both jobs they earn equal, although he earns more in his first job than she does in her first job.

Ah sorry, remembered wrongly. I'd be telling him where he could shove the idea of me slaving away at a third job and him deciding I couldn't spend that money on myself then!

Takeaway_Addict

Elinore wrote: »

because overpaying now will save us a fortune in a year! For an MSE site everyone is being a bit short sighted. Scrimp now and be MUCH better on a much better fixed rate where we reap the benefit - for the next five years.


1 This was the plan all along with no financial hardship because a lodger would have paid it.


2. The above didn't happen, as the Mr. was putting it off, so we made up the difference. with second jobs - therefore meeting all bills and overpayments but with nothing left over.


I fail to see how *I* changed the goal posts


(ps the Mr. has always been supportive - he's a lovely guy and this is one small hiccup in what has always been a fabulous and respectful relationship. none of us are perfect - us included)

MSE is about getting the best value, not always the cheapest or the forgoing of good things

Tabbytabitha

Elinore wrote: »

In regards to what this thread will achieve – sometimes when you are passionate about something you get so entrenched it’s hard to see the other side. Asking opinion can open you mind to other views or opinions. That’s why people like to discuss problems. It airs the issues with a different perspective.

Not meaning to drip feed but one of the posters mentioning the beginning of the end as I have suddenly started to squirrel money away i have had second jobs before and this money always came to me alone – this being said I always paid my share of 50/50 bills and anything we did as a couple came out of the joint account. This is because at the time I had a number of clubs, events and interests that cost pennies – whereas Mr. very rarely spends any money. So it felt a bit unfair. As such I worked an extra job to fund my extra outgoings so everything was even.

Admittedly and to be entirely fair - this was when money was less tight and we had surplus to go to savings.

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree with your comments about the OP's OH.

In an earlier thread he came across as supportive in a financial way.

Elinore wrote: »

because overpaying now will save us a fortune in a year! For an MSE site everyone is being a bit short sighted. Scrimp now and be MUCH better on a much better fixed rate where we reap the benefit - for the next five years.


1 This was the plan all along with no financial hardship because a lodger would have paid it.


2. The above didn't happen, as the Mr. was putting it off, so we made up the difference. with second jobs - therefore meeting all bills and overpayments but with nothing left over.


I fail to see how *I* changed the goal posts


(ps the Mr. has always been supportive - he's a lovely guy and this is one small hiccup in what has always been a fabulous and respectful relationship. none of us are perfect - us included)

Divorce doesn't come cheap - think on!

Elinore

It’s been a while – oddly, I’ve been busy

Just thought I would update. Even it’s not a major one as basically it had fallen to a frosty stalemate.

Mr. still wants to overpay, it was the plan all along (we have had lodgers before with no issue) – feels that we just need to keep on as we are scrimping making all the bills/overpayments meaning lodger is not needed.

I am still unhappy that we both have to make up £300 each in shortfall and just be getting by the skin of our teeth. So having to justify any outgoing however small.

So I started the new job to stony silence and a deliberate stance to make things awkward for me. As I get paid weekly and had my first pay - I have already had my hair cut and nails done, bought some clothes off eBay and got some much needed makeup. I felt so much better! (All budget, second hand unused but good makes)

Then this morning Mr. withdrew exactly the same amount as I spent out of the joint account.

And that’s where we are.

Pollycat

Lordy!
Good luck with your relationship.
It certainly doesn't sound like the happy, like-minded people you describe in your first post.

Elinore

I agree!

That's what happens when two normally levelheaded people mix money and large doses of righteous indignation.

I am seriously thinking about moving into the flat myself and just pay my half of the mortgage - i would be considerably better off! I would nix the overpayments that Mr. is so intent on keeping up and i could kill two jobs with pennies to spare.

Yes he will get the lion's share of the house - but i get my life back. Seems a fair deal. Sigh.

gettingtheresometime

Elinore wrote: »

It’s been a while – oddly, I’ve been busy

Just thought I would update. Even it’s not a major one as basically it had fallen to a frosty stalemate.

Mr. still wants to overpay, it was the plan all along (we have had lodgers before with no issue) – feels that we just need to keep on as we are scrimping making all the bills/overpayments meaning lodger is not needed.

I am still unhappy that we both have to make up £300 each in shortfall and just be getting by the skin of our teeth. So having to justify any outgoing however small.

So I started the new job to stony silence and a deliberate stance to make things awkward for me. As I get paid weekly and had my first pay - I have already had my hair cut and nails done, bought some clothes off eBay and got some much needed makeup. I felt so much better! (All budget, second hand unused but good makes)

Then this morning Mr. withdrew exactly the same amount as I spent out of the joint account.

And that’s where we are.

Sounds like relations are warmer between the US & North Korea are warmer than between you & hubby at the moment.

How open are you both to compromise? Or is it now a case of getting your way?

I only ask as there could be a compromise where by you both get what you want.

Why not put the money that is currently going towards the overpayments at the end of each month into a separate account. This account can be used by either of you for haircuts or whatever (as it sounds neither of you take the michael). Then at the end of month 2 you pay whatever is left into the mortgage as an overpayment. This gives you the flexibility of making overpayments, whilst having treats & whilst having access to funds for emergencies

WibblyGirly

Doesn't he understand that your third job is paying for your spending money?! Your using your time to earn it so you can get basic stuff that shouldn't even need a conversation about.