Hopefully you can help resolve this argument one way or another!

Red-Squirrel_2

I think the lodger idea needs to come off the table altogether. Unless you are in such a desperate financial situation that you might lose your home or not be able to eat, then the answer can't be for one of you to be forced to live with a stranger against your will. It doesn't matter that he's changed his mind, that happens, and now he doesn't want to share his home with anybody except you and that's perfectly reasonable.

You need to sit down and work things out in a way that means nobody has to work three jobs, nobody has to be reprimanded like a child for daring to buy hairspray and nobody has to be forced to live with a stranger when they don't want to.

NeilCr

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I think the lodger idea needs to come off the table altogether. Unless you are in such a desperate financial situation that you might lose your home or not be able to eat, then the answer can't be for one of you to be forced to live with a stranger against your will. It doesn't matter that he's changed his mind, that happens, and now he doesn't want to share his home with anybody except you and that's perfectly reasonable.

You need to sit down and work things out in a way that means nobody has to work three jobs, nobody has to be reprimanded like a child for daring to buy hairspray and nobody has to be forced to live with a stranger when they don't want to.

Pretty much what I was going to say.

I’d hate having a lodger - and, as you say, this is your first owned house together. I’d want it to be the two of us. Not having to think there is someone else around in the place - however detached they are

CRANKY40

Compromise - yes he's gone back on the agreement and doesn't want a lodger and I think that's fair enough if you can manage without BUT you shouldn't have to go without the basics of feeling good about yourself because he's changed his mind. Possible solution - no lodger, all money gets paid into one account BUT you get a monthly allowance to spend on personal grooming. Yes you could do with out a haircut but you don't want to and you could have a lodger but he doesn't want to so you both have to give way a little.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I would view the lodger as something that you should resort to if things get seriously financially tough. It's reassuring knowing the option's there but it's not worth arguing about now.

We can't tell you how to arrange your finances with all these extra jobs; that's for the two of you to thrash out. It needs to be properly clarified now though, or minor resentments can turn into massive arguments later on.

gettingtheresometime

Or alternatively ask him what uses the flat could be put to if there wasn't a full time lodger (and I do have to say I'm still in the it would be a tenant you'd be getting not a lodger camp)

barbarawright

Sounds like the lodger would have their own, almost self-contained space. What's the big objection?

unforeseen

Your basement sounds more like a self contained flat albeit with a shared external door. As such you will end up with a tenant, not a lodger

Gavin83

Can I ask why you are looking to overpay the mortgage when it appears you cannot afford to?

Anyway I can see both sides of the argument here, both of you are wrong and right at the same time. I'd personally be looking to drop the third job, it'll end up wearing you down eventually and it already seems to be causing friction between you.

Pricivius

It almost seems like Mr went back on the lodger agreement so you got a third job and kept the cash almost out of spite. Maybe subconsciously, but that's how it looks.


People change their minds. Often when something becomes more likely or closer, we start to have a re-think. Having a lodger sounds like a fab idea until reality kicks in that there will be a stranger in your house. If this person is a lodger, they can wander round your home unless you start locking doors - I know I wouldn't like it. I would be grateful that my OH felt he could speak up before we went even further down a road he was so uncomfortable with.


My OH and I moved a few years ago and I am now realising that it wasn't the best idea we ever had. I want to move again. I'm not happy. It's been a difficult time explaining to him that maybe we made a mistake. This will cost us a lot of money - in terms of moving fees, SDLT etc.. My OH is undoubtedly disappointed. But the answer is to discuss it, find a way through, see what the options are and come up with the best solution for both of us - maybe we'll stay here a little while longer to see how I feel, we've viewed a few properties and if the right one came up we can move, I'm trying to find things to do that will cheer me up about where we are etc.. Compromise, really.


Work out your priorities - as others have said, why are you overpaying the mortgage? - can you make cutbacks elsewhere, are both your needs being met, do you really need 5 jobs between you etc.. You're either in this together or you're not.

rach_k

I'd agree with you OP - if the agreement was that you would get a lodger but your OH has changed his mind, and if you're still contributing equally to the household expenditure, it's fair enough if you want to keep the money from your third job and not have to justify what you spend it on. Your OH will probably benefit from that indirectly anyway.

Are you actually in London or another big city? Would your OH consider getting a lodger who only stays during the week? Plenty of people work in London so want somewhere to stay from Monday night to Thursday morning but then go to their main home for the weekend. If that would be an option, it might be a decent compromise.