Non-funeral funeral

Yorkshireman99

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Funerals are for those that are left, not for the dead. Unless you dislike them, consider that they may find that having a funeral helps them through the grieving process.

I strongly believe that the dead should not force their opinions on the living in most cases.

I am sorry but wrong, wrong and wrong again. Legally and morally the deceased wishes should be respected. Don't forget that the funds for the funeral often come out of the deceased's estate and their choice on that should be respected. If the relatives wish to have a separate memorial service or some other celebration of the deceased's life then let them do so at their expense.

Linton

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

I am sorry but wrong, wrong and wrong again. Legally and morally the deceased wishes should be respected. Don't forget that the funds for the funeral often come out of the deceased's estate and their choice on that should be respected. If the relatives wish to have a separate memorial service or some other celebration of the deceased's life then let them do so at their expense.

Sorry but that seems to be wrong. Funeral wishes are purely advisory on the executors who have complete authority. They have no legal force. See here for example.

I dont think the morals aspect is something one can usefully advise on.

Tabbytabitha

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

I am sorry but wrong, wrong and wrong again. Legally and morally the deceased wishes should be respected. Don't forget that the funds for the funeral often come out of the deceased's estate and their choice on that should be respected. If the relatives wish to have a separate memorial service or some other celebration of the deceased's life then let them do so at their expense.

I don't think thats legally true but I wasn't necessarily suggesting overriding the deceased's request but suggesting that a someone should consider the points I made before requesting something that might upset those left behind even more than they already are.

YoungBlueEyes

It has been mentioned a couple of times but it seems to me that donating your body to science would fit the bill.
I have just been through all this as my father has recently died. He decided that being practice for doctors/dentists/whoever was more useful than lying in a hole in the ground, and frankly I agreed so I donated my body too.
Find out who your local medical school is. Ask them for a consent form. Answer a few simple tick-box questions (how long you wish to be available to them for - 6 months, 2 years, or indefinitely. Do you give permission for them to use anonymous pictures/videos if they want to use them for lectures etc. What do you choose when they're done - cremation and no ceremony, just scattered in a special garden they have, or cremation and tell relatives so they can attend, or relatives to collect the ashes.)
Then you inform your doctor, so it flags up if you, for example, ring an ambulance with a heart attack but don't survive.
It's a good idea to pay for a basic funeral to take advantage of the storage, and tell them it's just for storage because you've donated your body. You'll need this if you die at a time when the medical school isn't open eg weekends, christmas, easter, bank hols etc.
Check on any restrictions the medical school has regarding accepting a body, and have a plan B in place in case they're full. I just went through this - dad's medical school was at full capacity but they gave me phone numbers of other schools. I had to ring round to get someone to accept him, and came up against a few restrictions that weren't mentioned at the start. E.g. some don't take people with cancer, or major surgery, or chest surgeries, or hip/knee replacements. I eventually got him in to Nottingham, and they accepted the original medical school's consent form as his wishes.
Dad didn't put it in his will because he knew I'd carry out his wishes, however another sister said she would never have agreed to it. I'm an executor, she's not, so that solved that problem! Maybe a solicitor could be your executor?
Any further help I can give you, just ask. I feel like a bit of an expert on this right now ha haa!

Yorkshireman99

There are some odd practices. I suffer from MS and the MS Trust want brain and spinal cord tissue for their research so I carry a donor card for that. Bizarrely, even though there is, AFAIK no experimental evidence to support this, the U.K. Transplant service will not accept organ donations from MS sufferers.

YoungBlueEyes

Yeah there are some odd stipulations. I thought they were practically crying out for donations cos when I was talking to the woman from the original medical school a few years ago, I asked her out of curiosity how many people she'd got in the last decade. 6 she said. Yet 3 years later they're at capacity (?!)
And I don't understand why cancer/chest surgery etc is prohibitive for some schools, yet not a problem for others..... Odd.
Would medical research rather than donor card perhaps be an option for you YM?

Yorkshireman99

I appreciate the suggestion but probably not since the donation to the MS trust involves removing the brain and the spinal column tissue which is quite invasive. AIUI medical schools need as complete a corpse as possible as each student has to do a detailed dissection of every part. I believe they do the work in pairs so both genders are covered.

cr1mson

When my Dad died we knew he wanted an non-religious funeral. He had been advised not to put this in his will as would be non-binding and that his best option was to talk to his family to ensure it happened.

As a family of atheists and agnostics it wasn't a problem. So he got his non-religous funeral. After the funeral my Mum found a more detailed list of what he wanted and one of his requests was a particular song/hymn which my Mum hated and my Dad had never expressed any feelings for in the past. Had we known about his request before I doubt we would have complied with it.

What I am saying is that that not all requests are equal and that there has to be a balance between the living and the dead.

scd3scd4

cr1mson wrote: »

When my Dad died we knew he wanted an non-religious funeral. He had been advised not to put this in his will as would be non-binding and that his best option was to talk to his family to ensure it happened.

As a family of atheists and agnostics it wasn't a problem. So he got his non-religous funeral. After the funeral my Mum found a more detailed list of what he wanted and one of his requests was a particular song/hymn which my Mum hated and my Dad had never expressed any feelings for in the past. Had we known about his request before I doubt we would have complied with it.

What I am saying is that that not all requests are equal and that there has to be a balance between the living and the dead.

Why not?




Really, what like sod you we will do what we want even if it cost little to nothing. What disrespect. Who cares that your mum does not like it?

scd3scd4

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Funerals are for those that are left, not for the dead. Unless you dislike them, consider that they may find that having a funeral helps them through the grieving process.

I strongly believe that the dead should not force their opinions on the living in most cases.

I think that if you don't want to respect the dead's last wishes then don't force what you want on the dead and stay at home.