i did it! Ive jsut become a single mum - HELP ME!!!!

catz1ct

Alias_Omega wrote: »

of course...

she knows im just winding you lot up, i dangle the worm, and you lot keep biting it

she keeps telling me to stop it..:j

What is it with people like you on here?? What hole did you crawl out from?

If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all....

I think you have done the right thing imo. Don't listen to the people on here quoting the usual stereotypes about single mums.

Sagaris

Sorry, but I don't agree, I was in a similar type of relationship as the OP, I lasted until the children were almost secondary school age and could take no more. They went to the local comp, then sixth form and uni (although he tried to muck about with the maintenance to stop them going - I managed to get him to keep his word through solicitors) and they both got good degrees and now good jobs.
If I'd stayed married although life would have been better financially, they would have grown up with a totally skewed view of relationships, and been prevented from furthering their education.
My children's life chances were improved by me becoming a single parent - his attitude is that women only get pregnant and stay at home with kids (I worked since the youngest one was 6 months old) so there's no point in educating them!

TPGAL

Hi, You will be okay. My husband walked out on me and my two kids in May. We'd been married 14 years and my only regret was that I hadn't done it sooner! But then again I would do anything for the sake of the kids but not any more - if he does wake up and realise that he's made a big mistake I'm afraid it's too late for that. It is hard some days when you just want a few hours to yourself - take any offers of help. I'm just starting to do that now.

I think, like me, you have made your mind up and you're right - why spend time being unhappy and try to keep it all together when they are just big kids and suit themselves. My husband spent a lot of time on the Pc chatting to females around the globe and I now suspect that he has taken up with one in Birmingham.

What I can't comprehend is the way he is treating the kids (almost 5 and 17 months) - he says he'll come and doesn't, says he'll stay over and arrives for a couple of hours but for the last 3 1/2 weeks he hasn't been at all. He told my daughter on Sunday that he would call back later in the day after her dance display and her presentation to see how she got on and we are still waiting. She's making excuses for him not calling - maybe he's sleeping she said on Sunday evening. Sometimes he phones and she says she doesn't want to talk to him. And he was a hands on dad - he worked shifts and I worked full time so he had them both before and after work depending on his shifts.

Get you tax credits, etc sorted out. Someone suggested CAB and they are quite good and local but there is also One PArent Families who have a lot of useful information and they run a helpline. I don't know where you live but Scotland has a separate organisation - One PArent Families Scotland.

Good luck and keep your chin up - you and you're wee one will be better off in the long run.

Violetta_2

Latest info I am not commenting or judging just directing people to latest post as some are obviously concerned.

pippamannequin

Violetta wrote: »

Latest info I am not commenting or judging just directing people to latest post as some are obviously concerned.

Sammy has decided to stay with her partner as I posted earlier. she took much of the serious advice to talk to him from what im guessing, maybe we could all wish her luck. Good luck Sammy hope all goes well xxx

Violetta_2

k60sav wrote: »

Sammy has decided to stay with her partner as I posted earlier. she took much of the serious advice to talk to him from what im guessing, maybe we could all wish her luck. Good luck Sammy hope all goes well xxx

Apologies k60sav I'd missed that.
Good luck and best wishes Sammy

LilMissEmmylou

Running_Horse wrote: »

Your ex has a legal right to see his son, and your son will suffer in all kinds of ways if you try to prevent that relationship. Just for the record, by becoming a single mother, your son's average life chances have just taken a huge nosedive. Enjoy your freedom.

it almost sounds like ur saying she should have stayed unhappy with this man because by not shes being a bad mother? i hope thats NOT what your saying! In the long run its better to have happy parents apart than unhappy parents together. My mum was a single parent until i was 6 and she remarried, ive turned out great thanks

good luck to the OP with whatever choices you make - im sure you are doing the best thing for your son.

Running_Horse

I was pointing out that she cannot conveniently cut this man completely out of her life. He (and possibly his mum) have a legal right to see his son, as well as a legal obligation to support him financially. That relationship will continue for years, and any attempt to frustrate it will lead to unhappiness for all three concerned. Its a shame she did not take time to get to know this mans faults before taking the huge step of having his child.

It may not be PC to mention this, but every study carried out shows that, on average, children of single parents do worse than those of married couples (even those who stay together for the sake of the chidlren). I am happy they are apparently making a go of it; a child does not deserve to suffer because its parents are emotionally immature.

Curious_George_2

Running_Horse wrote: »

by becoming a single mother, your son's average life chances have just taken a huge nosedive. Enjoy your freedom.

wow, way to make yourself come across as a complete pig. well done

what is the matter with people around here lately?

Ophie

Running_Horse wrote: »

I was pointing out that she cannot conveniently cut this man completely out of her life. He (and possibly his mum) have a legal right to see his son, as well as a legal obligation to support him financially. That relationship will continue for years, and any attempt to frustrate it will lead to unhappiness for all three concerned. Its a shame she did not take time to get to know this mans faults before taking the huge step of having his child.

It may not be PC to mention this, but every study carried out shows that, on average, children of single parents do worse than those of married couples (even those who stay together for the sake of the chidlren). I am happy they are apparently making a go of it; a child does not deserve to suffer because its parents are emotionally immature.

What a load of absolute crap. It may well be statistically documented. But who exactly did they take the statistics from?

I am at 32 the product of a single parent family. My Mother left my father when I was 2, he made no effort to continue to see me nor did he financially support me so again your quote about the fact that the relationship will last years may well be untrue. I do not think that my life chances have taken a nose dive - but thank you for condeming me to a life in the gutter.

My Mother has managed financially and emotionally to bring me up alone. I have a degree, no current relationship (my choosing, although I suspect you would have it down that its because I was brought up in a single parent family), I am working in a profitable line of work, am well respected by my colleagues and other professionals (shoot me down right now as I managed to drag myself along and get a degree!), I am about to adopt a child of my own, who will also be brought up in a single parent family of just me - supported by my Mother (just as well Social Services don't look at single parents like you do) the child may I add was placed with me as I have everything that the child would require.

But excuse me if I'm wrong, but your comments suggest that I should be living in a grotty place, with no education, no prospects, about 12 kids running round me and a bleak outlook on life. I accept that some children of single parent families end up like that - but due to the fact that they have come from a single parent family... I think not!

I also take issue with the fact that you state that 'she should have got to know the man before she got pregnant'... again a well known fact that people change when children are involved, and not just the men. Responsibility and reality take a hold and what was once a fantastic (but maybe selfish) relationship between two people, able to give each other all their attention has to become a threesome, with a very small needy person who depends on you for everything and continues to do so for years to come takes more attention than the two adults put together. Some people cope, some don't. Don't blame someone for everyone changing! We aren't all perfect. Its not about maturity its about the ability to adapt to change, and the ability to put yourself second all the time.

Here endeth my sermon.