i did it! Ive jsut become a single mum - HELP ME!!!!

KittyKate

Sammy I am sure I don't know the whole story but surely you're not splitting up over the fact your bf went to the pub at 10pm? Hardly excessive is it? YES he should have let you know but it's not exactly crime of the century? You say yourself you don't really socialise, so it's reasonable to assume he will go out without you, is it simply the fact he didn't bother to tell you?

Texting is NOT the way to end a relationship - it's way too hard to guage what someone is saying and very easy to say things you don't really mean (ie have you REALLY put all his belongings out on the doorstep?)

This man might be a pig, he might treat you like crap and I'm only giving my opinion. Only you know whether you should be with him. But surely he has a right to reply? I mean, have you told him how very unhappy you are with the way he doesn't care for his son, and the way he treats you? Has he tried to change?

No offence meant whatsoever, but you come across as ever so slightly clingy (and again I mean that in a non-offensive way - I was the same with an ex) and rather than talk things out the pair of you have just gone into a shell-retreating, sarcastic, 'attack is the best form of defence' mode.

Before you become a single mum, and change your (and your son's) life, can you at least not talk it out and come to some practical arrangements? You can't leave it like this. You must love/have loved each other at some time, you made a baby together, you set up a home.

Good luck and if you want to talk PM me because as I've said, I've been there (about 7 years ago, but still).

mummy_Jay

Ok, I'm not going to say whether or not your doing the right thing, you haven't given enough information on this post to advise, all I can help with is the current situation.

Firstly, go have a look at the website katgoddess put up and start contacting nursey's and childminders, you should find that nurseries to hold a certain number of emergency positions, that will give you room to breathe and make a more permanent choice about your childcare.
Second thing, contact the working tax credit people or fill in the forms on line (but you will need to have sorted your childcare out to be able to do this, as you need the childcarers registration number to complete them)

On the assumption that the BF is also the little ones dad, I suppose you could still use your current child care (ie his mum wasn't it)? but either way you now need to think about access, how much, when and how.

I know this is a lot to take in and do, but if your mind is made up, these things need to happen and sooner rather than later. Your child has to come first and you need to sort out what they need before (I know this sounds harsh) you sit down and deal with sorting yourself out. Yes you do need to sort yourself out but if your worrying about childcare etc, your not going to be able to do it.

You also said your a long way from your family, pick up the phone have a chat with your folks they may be able to help and advise in the short term or even a close friend. It's a lot to take in and sort out in an emotional state, if you have the option of some support even if its just a voice down a phone or walking round the nursery to have a look around, take it. Any help offered take it!

If you need advise on being a single parent there are loads of organisations that can help gingerbread, oneparent etc

Alias_Omega wrote: »

Im a male so my views will be different, but..

So, fancy being another single mum who males look at you as a 'hump & dump'..? I dont think so..

:eek::eek:

I saw this and would like to point out, NOT ALL MEN ARE PIGS!!!!!!!

As a single mum, I am glad to say that the majority of men don't behave like this, though I'm not saying there isn't the odd scumbag that thinks that way, the majority of men see single mums as instant solutions to their broodiness and want to commit imediately. But there is also the factor of most single mums, I know, have far more self respect and take relationships at a far slower pace as they do not want to get involved if the man is not right for their child.

Please do not listen to thoughtless comments like this as a reason to fear being a single mum, it's not a bad thing, it's just different. It is also not a stigma, as comments like this imply

Floss

Alias_Omega wrote: »

You forget though,

you let this one go, then he goes and finds someone else, then you regret what you have done, and want him back. He says its too late and moves on, meanwhile your jealous and get depressed, you let your morals slip, and get used as the local nightclub bike. You think its good as males 'like' you, but in reality your going through men like cheap tampons..

See how you feel in the morning...

Night night..

And is this the voice of experience speaking A-O?
As MSE Martin says, Pls be nice to all MoneySavers.

Floss

As I said last night....

Floss wrote: »

Only you know how you feel, and how things have been between you both recently. If you feel you have got to that point where you can't bear it anymore, then you have made the right decision. I understand, as I have also called time on a relationship that was dying - and it is very hard to justify to some poeple who don't know the full story of a relationship.

Hope you got some sleep SK, I'm sure you will work things out to suit you & your son.

Floss xx

miserly_mum

Alias_Omega wrote: »

You forget though,

you let this one go, then he goes and finds someone else, then you regret what you have done, and want him back. He says its too late and moves on, meanwhile your jealous and get depressed, you let your morals slip, and get used as the local nightclub bike. You think its good as males 'like' you, but in reality your going through men like cheap tampons..

See how you feel in the morning...

Night night..

Hi Alias,are you speaking from experience? What Nightclub did you pick up,sorry I mean meet your single mum wife-to-be in?

Js_Other_Half

There have been a number of threads by the OP about her relationship and the complete lack of respect shown to her by her partner. I would agree in most instances with the people who suggest not to make such a huge decision as a result of one late night out, but if they were aware of all the circumstances they would see that this isn't a one-off.

I hope things improve for you and your son SK.

hev_2

I have read your threads, SK, but I did not feel I had any experience or knowledge that could really help you.

The people that are posting to say that just because someone was late home doesn't mean you should dump him obviously haven't seen your other threads.

Thinking of that, I would just like to say

WELL DONE YOU!!!!!!!!!

This does not mean that you are transformed into the local bike, or that you will appear on Jeremy Kyle. You will get stronger, you will be able to find self respect and you will show a positive model to your lovely little one.

There are some lovely men out there who will cherish you. Take the time to heal from this relationship and just enjoy being able to relax in your own home.

As for ending it by text - I would have been tempted to send the message far more emphatically! (but I would have got into trouble for it )

Good luck and keep your chin up.

cutecatgirl

Frankly I ma shocked and disgusted by some of the comments on herre. This poor girl is asking for advice and some people are just being rude and in fact verging on defamatory.

I don't really have much else to add as I don't know your situation.

Where do you work? Is thiere any chance you could cut down to part time hours and place the little one in child care when you are working. There are government reliefs for this so it doesn't have to cost to earth I think it would really help with your state of mind if you were getting out and about and not stuck in the house all day.

If you are really serious about leaving your partner you clearly need to meet and talk with him about how you are going to go on from here. Despite your feeelings this is still his child and I'll think you;ll regret it later if you completely stop him from seeing the baby. Just something to think about.

Do you rent or own your home? Obviously the first thing to do is to investigate what kind of benefits you are entitled. Speak to your local Social services.

I hope things get better. If I think of anything esle I'll post.

Alias_Omega

^^^she's gonna murder me when she see's that..

ah well..

squashy

cutecatgirl wrote: »

Frankly I ma shocked and disgusted by some of the comments on herre. This poor girl is asking for advice and some people are just being rude and in fact verging on defamatory.

I don't really have much else to add as I don't know your situation.

Where do you work? Is thiere any chance you could cut down to part time hours and place the little one in child care when you are working. There are government reliefs for this so it doesn't have to cost to earth I think it would really help with your state of mind if you were getting out and about and not stuck in the house all day.

If you are really serious about leaving your partner you clearly need to meet and talk with him about how you are going to go on from here. Despite your feeelings this is still his child and I'll think you;ll regret it later if you completely stop him from seeing the baby. Just something to think about.

Do you rent or own your home? Obviously the first thing to do is to investigate what kind of benefits you are entitled. Speak to your local Social services.

I hope things get better. If I think of anything esle I'll post.

:T

I totally agree, having watched on the sidelines how this has unfolded over the last couple of months I think you really have made the right decision.

Here's to a brighter future xxxxxx