Wow this christmas just took a turn!

sammy_kaye18 · 13 October 2007 at 7:47AM

Me and my bf have been in a real rough patch latelyy to the point i was leaving yesterday, anyway we sat down and really talked about it and came to the conclusion its becuase we have no time together thats its pushing us apart. We literally have mon - wednesday even though we live togehter. Thursday he does a photography course, Friday I work ffom so he literally came in and i threw ben at him and left, saturday he works all day up until 6 and we normally have his oterh son who is a real nightmare alot of the time and sunday i work from 3pm - 10pm and the morning is spent tidying/cleaning etc. SO last night we decided............1. I will be quitting my job today (they treat all the staff badly and everyone can see that)............2. We will be making a day a month special 'family time' with the kids...............3.Once a month we will have a day for jsut me and him to do something together even if its just a romantic meal in the house and little one has an early night............4. I am trying to get a night time job so i can still spend time with my family.Which means money has jsut been tightened by about £235! Im hoping though that we should get some sort of housing benefit/council tax benefit though as bf only works 30hrs. Anyway Im sat looking at the rest of my christmas shopping list and wondering where im going to get these from because then it means once i have these gifts I only have to buy for 5 people (including bf and son) but i already have 7 things for my son, 1 for my bf, 1 of the other 3 i know what im getting but have to look at childrens sites, 1 is a child and 1 is my father in law who usually only wants a dvd.................................Im planning on making a fair few bits for some of the hampers ie peppermint creams, tablet, possibly fudge etc and im thinking a trip to Primark is in order as i need some clothey bits for some hampers not mention some nice cups for chocolate samples etc. Also figure i have some foody bits to get/make too but i so far have £11 on tescos vouchers and am expecting another £8 next voucher bunch so can get a few gift things there as well as bfs book he wants. Plus i have £20 in Tescos stamps so far which helps towards the christmas treats............................................................................................................i was just wondering if anyone had any better ideas for where to get these things1 tiger adoption certificate, (mums)...............3 x cup with hot choccie samples,(Step mum, mum and SIL) CUPS FROM CHARITY SHOPS/POSSIBLE CHOCOLATE SPOONS INSTEAD OF CHOCCIE SAMPLES...................6 x small candles (Step mum, SIL) BF TO MAKE.........................3 x box of chocolates (step mum, SIL and mum) HOMEMADE PEPPERMINT CREAMS................................2 x blockbuster vouchers, (step bro and sis) PIGSBACK.......................2 x pop corn (1 salted, 1 butter), TESCO.........................2 x bag of laces,COOP 3 FOR £1........................2 x bags of cola bottles COOP 3 FOR £1.........................2 x bags of gummy teddies COOP 3 FOR £1...........................2 x money for drinks. (step bro and sis) £2 EACH..............................1 x Nice notebook to be made into baking book (sister) wilkinsons?.................1 pretty tea cup (nan), CHARITY SHOP........................samples of various fruity teas,(nan) ONLINE.............................tea strainer, (nan) WILKINSONS/CHARITY SHOP.........................1 box of shortbread (grandad), HOMEMADE SHORTBREAD/BISCUITS.............cardigan, (grandad) ETHOL AUSTIN/PRIMARK....................4 x socks (mum, Step mum, SIL, grandad) ETHOL AUSTIN/PRIMARK...........................2 x Pyjamas - SIL, mum, ETHOL AUSTIN/ PRIMARK....................1 x nightgown - Step mum ETHOL AUSTIN/PRIMARK.....................family tree drawn up (MIL)EBAY...................sheepskin gloves (MIL) EBAY.....................tablet (MIL) HOMEMADE............................turkish delights (MIL) POUNDLAND...........................

sammy_kaye18 · 13 October 2007 at 7:48AM

Forgot to add my thank you very much in advance - seems like im right on target for christmas really - just hoping that a) i get another job before christmas now and b) my hampers are appreciated!!! Right am off to write my resignation letter now.Thank you!!!

Sallys_Savings · 13 October 2007 at 8:35AM

Please don't take this wrongly...but can you afford to quit your job?
Dont be too hasty...you can still work and have time with him...just takes more of an effort. Instead of perhaps sitting in front of the telly one of the evenings, turn it off and play a board game or just talk

..... have a special dvd night with a rug over your legs, a cheap bottle of wine and the lights down

Just a simple thing like walk to the park, it all helps

The hum drum of everyday life can get in the way of relationships and I've known this to happen to alot of people, you just need to make sure that the time you do have together is "special" time..more quality.

If you do quit your job, are you going to find a better one with the right hours? You'll probably end up in exactly the same boat in 6 months time.
£235 is alot to miss every month, and I know we couldnt miss that amount.

Its really good that you've been able to sit down and talk (I have read the thread a couple of days ago that you started)...and think thats a really good step forward, well done

I'm not entirely sure you can buy anything cheaper that you have on your list unless you buy from car boots.
You can get christmas cheaper though, just knock a few presents off your list..i.e. son doesnt know what you've spent as he'll have pressies from others...boyfriend, he doesnt need anything but a voucher cheque book would be nice...ie. i promise to give one massage, i promise you have breakfast in bed...and hhhhhmmmm *cough* some naughty ones in their too. Also knock a few of the "extra" pressies off your list, the ones where people have a few different presents..I'm sure they'd never even notice

dallam20 · 13 October 2007 at 2:51PM

I transfered to nights (district nurse) around 8 years ago and it was the best thing for my family. Yes I get tired but I'm always around for my girls. I work 2 11 hour shifts a week and get paid the equievelant of working 4 days. I can go on school outings, concerts, help fundraising. I always take and collect them from school and am around to help with homework. In the school holidays I sleep till about 10am and then the girls get me up and we have the rest of the day. I also love the fact that I have some free time when they are at school. I do shopping and cleaning when they're not around which is bliss.
I realise you may not be at the school stage yet so perhaps look for something in the evenings. If you like working with people look out for health care assistant posts in the NHS for twighlight shifts, that way you will still get some sleep by finishing at midnight. It's also good money with shift enhancements and you get to go out to visit people with another nurse for safety so very social - we have a good chin wag between visits.
I have been a nurse all my life as I started my training when I was 18 and this is the best nursing job I've ever had, I'm very very lucky.

Dawn

Seakay · 13 October 2007 at 3:46PM

I really admire the way that you managed to sit down and have the talk, but I would just give one warning note which is that working nights is not necessarily the way to cement a relationship; I used to work in a casino (basic shifts were 3 8pm to 4am, 1 9pm to 5am or later and 1 2pm to 8pm). Working nights can have a detrimental effect on your health (some people notice this after days or weeks, some after months or years) and it is not everyone who can get truly restful sleep in the daytime. Also, if your nightshift is a permmenant choice, then ou increasingly find it difficult to revert to 'daytime' hours for your days off. All of this means that it takes at least as much effort, if not more, to make quality time for your partner, family and friends. It is not impossible, and it can work really well for those with an adaptable metabolism, but it is not always an easy option, especially if you do full time hours.

liney · 13 October 2007 at 4:50PM

I have to be honest, but having only 3 nights a week together plus the extra time in the day as i understand he only works 30 hours and you very part time is more than most couples have. How will you pay the bills as you often say he gives you no money and you pay for everything?

You need to give him a kick up the backside and make him pay his way, not kick your job (and financial independance!!) to the kerb.

Bogof_Babe · 13 October 2007 at 5:15PM

Sammy, if you still work at the Co-op, then couldn't you change your hours to e.g. 6.00-10.00 p.m. five nights a week? That would leave two nights free, one so your bf can go to his course, the other so you can just chill out together. Our local Co-op is open until 10.00 every night of the week, and I am sure they would be willing to at least consider a request for a change to your current work pattern.

As for the gifts, do you really have to go overboard and do hampers for everyone? That is a lot of hassle, as well as the cost.

Why not go to the Pound shop or whatever you have that is similar, and buy everyone a nice photo frame, then get a lovely pic of the three of you (maybe one of your bf's course-mates could take one) and give them all that, together with maybe a pretty little bag of homemade biscuits or sweets.

buxtonrabbitgreen · 13 October 2007 at 9:41PM

I worked nights for 2 years and it certainly did not suit my netabolism. I was known for those 2 years as the woman in the dressing gown.

*Bright-Idea* · 14 October 2007 at 2:45PM

Hi, most of the large supermarket chains will be taking on extra staff esp for nights at this time of year so you shouldn't have many problems there but also most shops are taking on extra staff at the mo, I've seen notices in my local Boots, M&S and Woolies in the past week, although it may not give you loads more hours together (if you have to work during the day) you may be generally happier if you are working for a better employer and then look for something more permanent after Xmas.

You're putting a lot in your hampers, I'm sure the family will appreciate whatever they get.

Now that my sister and I both have children we don't get pressies for each other anymore just things for the kids.

As someone before mentioned, a lovely photo of the kid/s in a frame (Boots bogof's bought with points) usually goes down well.

If you need fruit teas I have some in the cupboard that won't get used so pm me.

Above all don't worry! You, your bf and child are what counts sort that out so you are still together for Xmas.....I'm sure both families would be happier to see that than any gift you can give them

patchwork_cat · 14 October 2007 at 8:41PM

hi
There are a lot of people who have tried to be helpful on your other thread about leaving your partner - I think it would be courteous of you to let them know of your descion to stay together, don't you? I know things are up in the air, but they might also help in this dilemma

*Bright-Idea* · 14 October 2007 at 9:36PM

patchwork_cat wrote: »

hi
There are a lot of people who have tried to be helpful on your other thread about leaving your partner - I think it would be courteous of you to let them know of your descion to stay together, don't you? I know things are up in the air, but they might also help in this dilemma

Give the girl a chance, she works 3pm-10pm Sundays if you read the op so I'm sure she'll be along as soon as she gets chance.

Wow this christmas just took a turn!

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