Niece in meltdown

Mojisola

JayJay100 wrote: »

My sister-in-law nearly died having this child, and both she and the baby were in hospital for a number of weeks.

We are talking 'family called to the bedside' point, as they didn't think she was going to make it.

She eventually told me that my sister-in-law is pregnant again, and she's terrified that her mum is going to die this time.

JayJay100 wrote: »

Before this, I would have said the same, but when her stepdad explained the lengths they've gone to, to keep her happy, and to compensate for wanting to extend their family, I'm not sure what else anyone could do.

It sounds as if she is more worried about her mother dying than having an extra sibling.

Are they taking her fears seriously and have they suggested getting her help to deal with her worries?

suejb2

Don't make any knee jerk reactions. There are two sides to every story,work with the information you have, from your niece and her step dad.

JayJay100

balletshoes wrote: »

Is there ongoing conflict between your niece and her mum, and has it been going on for a while? I'm just wondering why mum isn't communicating with you over this, rather than stepdad? Has mum just had enough, and finding it hard to cope, being pulled in different directions maybe? Perhaps she's worried herself too, that this will be another high-risk pregnancy?

From what the stepdad said, the conflict has been going on for a while, with a lot of challenging behaviour, but that has increased since the baby was born. My niece did actually say to me that she loved him, but she wished he'd never been born. She added that she couldn't stand her stepdad and she wished he would leave, as life was much better when he wasn't around and she had all of mum's attention. Part of me wonders if she thinks he will go, if she plays up enough.

My sister-in-law and I have never been close. The first time we met, she looked me up and down and walked away without a word. We've never been the type to ring each other up for chats, and when she stopped speaking to my OH, it wasn't really any loss to me. That said, it's me that let's her know the family news, generally when people have died, and most of the times I'll get a 'thanks' back. I do think she'll be at the end of her tether. I've had less than 24 hours of this, and I don't know whether to laugh, cry or run around naked.

JayJay100

Mojisola wrote: »

It sounds as if she is more worried about her mother dying than having an extra sibling.

Are they taking her fears seriously and have they suggested getting her help to deal with her worries?

I think it's both. Yes, they've spoken to her separately and together, but got no where. Her stepdad said that there have been three lots of counselling arranged, which she's agreed to, and then refused to go to, at the last minute.

JayJay100

suejb2 wrote: »

Don't make any knee jerk reactions. There are two sides to every story,work with the information you have, from your niece and her step dad.

She wants to go back home and is currently sulking, because I won't pay for the train fare. Her mobile phone is getting a hammering: that being the mobile that is paid for by her stepdad, you know the one, the man that ruined her life. I'm just waiting for the OH to come back, and we'll take her home. It will give us a chance to make sure that everything is as it has been portrayed; just in case. Lovely evening for 300 mile round trip.

iammumtoone

what an awful situaion for everyone.

OP have you considered it is now time to start building bridges? The lack of family contact for both your SIL and your neices will make these situations worse. I apprecite the original reasons behind the fallout were valid but from what you have written about him, if true, it seems as if the new husband is doing right by his wife and her children.

balletshoes

JayJay100 wrote: »

She wants to go back home and is currently sulking, because I won't pay for the train fare. Her mobile phone is getting a hammering: that being the mobile that is paid for by her stepdad, you know the one, the man that ruined her life. I'm just waiting for the OH to come back, and we'll take her home. It will give us a chance to make sure that everything is as it has been portrayed; just in case. Lovely evening for 300 mile round trip.

I think you're doing the right thing, and I commend you both for this.

JayJay100

iammumtoone wrote: »

what an awful situaion for everyone.

OP have you considered it is now time to start building bridges? The lack of family contact for both your SIL and your neices will make these situations worse. I apprecite the original reasons behind the fallout were valid but from what you have written about him, if true, it seems as if the new husband is doing right by his wife and her children.

It's certainly not the best. I never realised how much atmosphere a sulking teenager can create!

I did suggest the bridge building thing to my OH, and he just said that it's up to my SIL. The original fall out wasn't because of the new husband; it was because we allowed the old husband and the girls to stay at ours, when their house was flooded out. According to my SIL, as she'd divorced him, the rest of the family were not allowed to have anything to do with him, and certainly not to help him in any way. My OH pointed out that we were helping her girls, but she didn't want to know that. This was on the phone, and I could hear her screaming from the next room. She basically told my OH that he'd have to choose between them, and never spoke to him again.

JayJay100

balletshoes wrote: »

I think you're doing the right thing, and I commend you both for this.

Thank you. I'm dreading it.

kelpie35

Hope you all have a safe journey there and back.

I think you and your OH are very caring people and have coped with the situation you were put in in an admiral way.