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can 'space' really help?
Comments
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Reaching this point is, I think, this an important milestone for you in this relationship, given that you seem to be a conscientious person who does not give up easily.
haha i believe the technical term for this is a stubborn !!!!!!!! but you are right if i have committed to something i do not like to give up unless i feel i have tried everything i canDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
You won't be able to do this at the moment if you're not in regular contact but sometimes people in these situations may find it helpful to be exposed to the step by step processes of how other people cope in similar situations.
Depression can easily shut down the thinking process. If others, i.e. you, can expose her to the way you/they cope with personal issues, i.e. breaking them down and coming up with solutions for each small issue piece by piece, she may find herself able to develop similar techniques. Most overwhelming issues are resolved by small steps, one at a time, and she may be having difficulty acknowledging these and giving herself credit for them because all she can see is the "big overwhelming picture". In reality, most of our problems get resolved eventually by lots of small steps moving slowly in the right direction.
Do you get any feeling how her mental state affecting her children? You haven't said how old they are? Is she still managing to cope with them?
i think that would be 'stepping on her toes' and probably cause more problems than it would solve. although i will support her any way i can, i do not think i can solve her problems for her in this regard.
her kids are 9 and 10, and from what she said last night, she is 'functioning' around them but paraphrasing somewhat, she is still numb about things so not exactly relishing their time together like she used to. do not get me wrong they are still doing things together such as going out for Halloween, but she didnt dress up with them as she has done previously. as i have said previously, this is yet another thing which has made me realise it isnt 'just' me.Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
From what you say everything right now in her life just seems to require more effort than she has the emotional energy to cope with.
You are probably right to accept that nothing is going to improve quickly,
The worrying thing for me would be whether this might be the first or one of a long series of episodes where history continues to repeat itself without ever ever having a permanent resolution. Depression is a very difficult illness to get to grips with.
You have lots to think about and reflect on. You may have to
compartmentalise this one if you can and get on with the rest of your life.0 -
From what you say everything right now in her life just seems to require more effort than she has the emotional energy to cope with.
You are probably right to accept that nothing is going to improve quickly,
The worrying thing for me would be whether this might be the first or one of a long series of episodes where history continues to repeat itself without ever ever having a permanent resolution. Depression is a very difficult illness to get to grips with.
You have lots to think about and reflect on. You may have to
compartmentalise this one if you can and get on with the rest of your life.
well she messaged me last night and we chatted a little, kept it short as to not overwhelm her so soon. but looks like she has listened to what i need from her.
but you are right, i think she is being overwhelmed by what is happening to her, and doesnt have enough emotional energy to deal with everything.
still going to take it day by day, but very glad we did meet up on Sunday.
now just got my fingers crossed that i am actually going to hear from the hospital today with my results, will be rather frustrated/worried/annoyed if after they told me it should be by today that they fail to meet that, ok granted i know not everything goes to plan, but with something like this if they give a date they should stick to it, baring natural disaster.Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
To answer the OP, time apart is just a stepping stone to the end of the relationship.
It is done to save hurting you too much with a straight, your dumped.
She is clearly in pain with her condition (both mental and physical) so needs time to get her straight
You can tell her that you will give her all the time she needs but are concerned that if there is too much time apart without meaningful contact the relationship may be irrevocably damaged.
Give her the space she needs, respect her wishes and do not contact her at all, ball is in her court.
This "space" will give you time to decide what you want and what your needs are, after a time you will need to move on.0 -
I am concerned that you too are going to end up like your girlfriend soon and risk being overwhelmed....new job, distant parents with disabled mother in wheelchair and father needing to undergo serious spinal surgery, not to mention possibly having to cope with unwelcome results of a lung biopsy.
It may be a blessing in disguise that your attention has to be diverted elwhere for a while although all these issues are stressful in themselves. You may have to work out some priorities and that in itself may shape where your relationship with your girlfriend sits over the coming weeks and months. I doubt in her present emotional state she will be able to be of any support to you in coping with your own issues so if you have any time to tighten your other friendship bonds and support , this is the time to do it.0 -
just come out of my appointment at the hospital. it's benign !!!!ing yes!!!!!!!! holy crap what a relief!!!!!!Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
Phew for you! . You really feel your whole life is on hold when something like this crops up . So celebrate with a glass of wine or something and have a thoughtful pause for somebody else who perhaps attended the hospital today for the same procedure who perhaps got a very different result. Life's so often a lottery. Very relieved for you.0
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Fantastic news Gonzo. Onwards and upwards!0
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Great news! very pleased to hear that for you :-)0
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