My boyfriends SOA - Help needed here

Fortheloveofmoney

black-saturn wrote: »

I'll tell him this tonight but I doubt he will listen.

She was offered a saturday job in a bakery about a year ago but as soon as she saw the uniform she refused it.

Not only that, we gave her money to buy a bridesmaid dress for the wedding (more than I spent on my own wedding dress). She couldnt see anything she liked so decided to spend it all on jeans and t shirts instead. A week later she found something she liked but they didn't have it in her size (she's a size 0 :eek: ) so they had to order it in and it was £200 (more than I spent on my wedding dress). So he handed over yet another £200 to cover the cost of the dress.

Wow really??!!!!:eek: I think i would have frogged marched her back to the shops to take the stuff back!!! Cheeky monkey!

caeler

black-saturn wrote: »

His daughter is 17. She's in full time education and gets her EMA every week which goes untouched but he still coughs up £10 per week pocket money.

this doesn't sound alot to me. I got £10 a week when I was in full time education, but it did stop when I got a job, it was 2 hours a day cleaning after college.

MissKJ

Black-saturn, it seems to me there are few few pre-wedding issues which need to be straightened out. I fully understand him wanting to please his daughter, and I am afraid it mostly goes with her age and broken home situation that adds to the seemingly selfish demands. But, you need to set some ground rules now before the situation worsens. I think you need to get your sympathetic head on, and try persuading him that whilst you understand his need to pamper to his princess (as you would love to yourself if you could afford to) your future together is just as important. He simply can not afford to continue spending on her like this. Set some budgets agreed between you during a sensible heart to heart. And not just pocket money, but Christmas and bithday spends aswell. Perhaps it would help if you agreed about your children as well to be fair? Then as an incentive, tell him that when he gets a better paid job, you can share your combined joint fortunes by reviewing his spends on his daughter. You really have to start functioning as a unit on such a limmited budget.

I sound like I am preaching, I don't mean to, I just sense impending unease about your finances, as well as his relationship with his daughter, and I wouldn't like to think you could spoil the lead up to the wedding which should be a joyous time.

Didn't you do some wonderful things on a small food budget? I tried your fruit cobbler, which was great, but it doesn't always turn out right?

black-saturn

Yes I'm the queen of small food budgets. I feed a family of 3 on £45 a month!! He really is no domestic god I'm afraid and relys on things like ready meals and frozen mash to get through the day.

postingalwaysposting

black-saturn wrote: »

Well in May/June that will be happening. He would be living here now but yet again the daughter had a paddy and said that she couldnt possibly live here (they are in London and I'm in Lowestoft) as it was too boring. So he said he would stay where he is until she's 18. So she is staying on in London when he moves here. Maybe he pays her because it's a guilt thing.

bs ~ when he moves to yours and she stays there will she be paying her rent/keep at her house in london or will you have to pay for that too?

black-saturn

postingalwaysposting wrote: »

bs ~ when he moves to yours and she stays there will she be paying her rent/keep at her house in london or will you have to pay for that too?

She will be paying that and then in september letting it go as she will be going to university.

postingalwaysposting

black-saturn wrote: »

She will be paying that and then in september letting it go as she will be going to university.

right so she will have to get a job then why cant the little madam get one now with more oppertunites over xmas?

black-saturn

postingalwaysposting wrote: »

right so she will have to get a job then why cant the little madam get one now with more oppertunites over xmas?

TBH, I think she's hoping to be paying the rent with housing benefit.

LookingAhead

Hi BS.

Can't really add much to what others have said - just wanted to wish you well with discussing things with your boyfriend.

I cannot believe though what she did with the bridesmaid dress money.

OK although it's flippin' annoying that she didn't want to wear the bakery uniform, I guess I can understand it because I was similar at 16 (uhh check out my debt!) and maybe I can understand not wanting to move away from the bright lights of London to Suffolk.

However I would love to sit her down and ask her, who the hell thinks spending £200 allocated for a bridesmaid dress on JEANS and then demanding hundreds more (for what might well be less than covers a single bed) is reasonable and unselfish behaviour.

That alone warrants no pocket money for the amount of time it pays for the clothes.

Tsk!

astonsmummy

How many hours does he do a week? by those calculations he earns £110 a week roughly, if this is true then he would be entitled to alot more tax credits, thats my weekly income working 16 hours and i get around £100 wtc and ctc