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Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
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HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »It's probably better for your peace of mind that you can't see DD's room at uni TF2 :rotfl:. Girls are usually a bit tidier, but not always
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I've only been once since she moved in and she said she'd tidied up :eek::rotfl:
I'm definitely like you. A closed door is not enough for me to forget about what's behind itI don't even like an untidy wardrobe. What you're doing around the house is obviously having an impact if DS's are happy for you to tidy their rooms/help them sort things out.
Hope you hear back from your tutor today. She's probably sat there thinking 'Oh no, I knew I should have been doing something'xx
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I've only been once since she moved in and she said she'd tidied up :eek::rotfl:
I'm definitely like you. A closed door is not enough for me to forget about what's behind itI don't even like an untidy wardrobe. What you're doing around the house is obviously having an impact if DS's are happy for you to tidy their rooms/help them sort things out.
Hope you hear back from your tutor today. She's probably sat there thinking 'Oh no, I knew I should have been doing something'xx
:eek: to DD having already tidied up :rotfl:.
Yes hopefully the tutor will quickly mark it.
Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »It's probably better for your peace of mind that you can't see DD's room at uni TF2 :rotfl:. Girls are usually a bit tidier, but not always
.
Dreading it if and when my DD goes to Uni, based on the state of her room at the moment :eek::rotfl:0 -
Congratulations on all the decluttering you've done so far:T:beer:. So glad you went to Pilates even though your friend couldn't go, as it obviously is exactly the weekly tonic you need. Well done on keeping the spends low too. I hope your next teacher will be as good.
I used to console myself with the fact that decluttering should be viewed in the same way as dieting. It takes years to put the weight on until people decide something really needs to be done about it because life has become uncomfortable. It's easy to get demoralised and give up because after an initial blitz things 'plateau' and good intentions falter. They say don't do 'crash diets' because the weight took years to accumulate and people shouldn't try to shed it all at once. Slow and steady and all that. I think that's why people get fed up, it just takes so darn long. Not speaking from personal experience as I've never been overweight by more than 4 or 5 pounds in my life:j (not that I have an iron will or anything, it must be my metabolism as I eat like a horse and not all the healthy options either:o)
Your decluttering has been in the 'crash dieting' mode so it just goes to prove 'slow and steady' doesn't apply to some things;). Just don't overdo it though, it wasn't all that long ago when you were feeling totally exhausted. After all, like people who are very obese, the excess weight/clutter took years to slowly build up. As you said yourself,Rome wasn't built in a day.
I just want to say ( sorry if it's not appropriate as I'm still a newbie to your lovely group of diary friends), but why should you have the responsibility for decluttering your sons' rooms? They're grown men and if they choose to live in chaos surely it's up to them. They'll have seen the great improvements you've made to the communal areas of the home and hopefully the 'bug' has hit them too. Your traveller son has said you can do his room when he's away but why can't he make a start himself in the time he has left before he goes? Or have the 'treat' of doing it instore for his return:rotfl:. It's not just the physical act of decluttering other people's stuff it's the mental dilemmas it throws up for the person doing it which cause headaches and possible recriminations later. ''Where's my xxxxx? Why did you throw my xxxxx away?'' type of thing.
Sorry, HH. You'll ban me from your diary at this rate:o:eek:. Have a lovely day and try to find a bit of time for yourself.
Thanks Noealla. My cluttering has been a bit like a crash diet :rotfl:. I find with de-cluttering that I go through phases of being obsessed with it and at those times it's worth going with the flow as I can move mountains while I'm in that frame of mind.
Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
I think it must be very difficult decluttering other people's rooms. I can remember my parents getting to the point with my sister & I where they said that as we now had both finished university & were no longer living at home, we needed to come home & decide what we wanted to take with us. That reduced the clutter a bit. I can remember then getting a phone call from Dad, saying "Mum's clearing out, we've still got your........... (he read out a list). It's about to go to the charity shop or the tip. If I wanted any of it, they would bring it up to me on their next visit.
And you know what? Because the onus was then on me for finding somewhere to store it, & having my clutter in my own home, I said it was fine for them to get rid of it.
Sounds like you are making really good inroads into your decluttering, HHoD. I must say it's a process which always makes my mind feel tidier somehow. Any reason why your sons can't sort out their own rooms? They're adults, so I think I'd be inclined to shut the door on their rooms & use the time saved on doing communal areas, cupboards, etc.
Mr F is making noises about a couple of tip runs at the weekend..... I think the massive pile of dross up behind the shed may be on its way out at last!!
F x
That is a good way of dealing with child clutter. My mum kept a lot of my childhood things and tried to give them back to me when I had moved out, but I said I didn't want them :rotfl:. She was very sentimental about the memories attached to objects and remembered where she'd bought them or who gave them to her.
It is difficult to de-clutter other people's belongings, but any sentimental/useful stuff can be boxed up and put in the newly emptier void, and we can get rid of the rubbish and broken items. DH wants to more or less empty DS2's room, mend the wall, give it a good clean and shampoo the carpet :eek:. DS2 will be away for six weeks, but it's still quite an undertaking :eek:.
I hope Mr F does the tip run.
Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
arsenalbarnie wrote: »I’m like Hairy, I end up decluttering as I can’t stand the mess even behind closed doors. The two of mine who live away now, I bought two big boxes and put their sentimental stuff in and they are up in the loft. Their rooms now are lovely and clear and make a guest bedroom too for visitors. Not that we have any! DS1’s is the ironing room when he’s not here.
I seem to spend my life moving stuff around.
The loft is now full but mostly boxes. That is a work in progress
That's a good way of doing it Arsenal, to box up the sentimental stuff. De-cluttering is a work in progress though, remember it took years to acquire all this stuff and Rome wasn't built in a day :rotfl:.Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
Deleted_User wrote: »Dreading it if and when my DD goes to Uni, based on the state of her room at the moment :eek::rotfl:
She will probably get room inspections at uni, but I have no idea how DS3 passed his :rotfl:.Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »That is a good way of dealing with child clutter. My mum kept a lot of my childhood things and tried to give them back to me when I had moved out, but I said I didn't want them :rotfl:. She was very sentimental about the memories attached to objects and remembered where she'd bought them or who gave them to her.
It is difficult to de-clutter other people's belongings, but any sentimental/useful stuff can be boxed up and put in the newly emptier void, and we can get rid of the rubbish and broken items. DH wants to more or less empty DS2's room, mend the wall, give it a good clean and shampoo the carpet :eek:. DS2 will be away for six weeks, but it's still quite an undertaking :eek:.
I hope Mr F does the tip run.
With the above and what you said earlier I wonder if you could buy lots of stackable plastic boxes (with his money if course cos it's to store his stuff) or get all the banana boxes you can from your local supermarkets. They are sturdy, stack well, have various holes for handles, can be written on with marker pen to show what's inside - the only downside is they are not impervious to damp or mice - and put everything into the boxes as you clear the room. They are a decent size but cant be filled till they are too heavy to move unless you're putting metal in them or some such. Make sure to keep the thick cardboard sheets they come with that plug the gaps in the bottom and top. Do the room puting everything in the boxes as you go, then do your repairs and cleaning, then stack the boxes back up in the cleaned room. It sounds like the clutter is now overwhelming but he does want to clear it.
For his own mental health and for the sake of his future self then he can tackle a box at a time. Much easier to cope with. To be honest I feel it's up to him to decide if something is rubbish, sentimental or useful. I am concerned if he comes back and its all clear and lovely he will slowly let it build up again without even realising and you will have loads of stuff in the void that he couldnt care less about cos you will err on side of caution and keep stuff.
Without going thru the physical/mental effort of clearing, cleaning, deciding and dealing with the "stuff" we all have a tendency to feel it was either an easypeasy job or else somehow believe it was all done by pixies and the way we live is out of our control.
I know you say he has had depression and mental illness etc in the past, maybe try not to be his "mother" for just a few minutes, and try to objectively see him as he is now, as you would see him if he was a stranger sitting in the plane next to you when you were off on holiday and you met him for the first time - I bet others see him as a fully capable adult going off round the world surviving on planes and trains and in hotels and around foreign speaking people. I bet tho you still without consciously realising it see him as 6 and incapable, or when he was at his lowest point so you want to shield him? Perfectly understandable of course, as you must worry something will spark it off again. Feel free to disregard as you see fit.
I only say this as I know my mum still sees me as 6 and is astonished when I offer her advice she actually feels is worthwhile. I'm 53. Sigh.
Just a thought,
Daisy xxx22: 3🏅 4⭐ 23: 5🏅 6 ⭐ 24 1🏅 2⭐ 25 🏅 🥈⭐ Never save something for a special occasion. Every day is a special occasion. The diff between what you were yesterday and what you will be tomorrow is what you do today Well organised clutter is still clutter - Joshua Becker If you aren't already using something you won't start using it more by shoving it in a cupboard- AJMoney The barrier standing between you & what youre truly capable of isnt lack of info, ideas or techniques. The secret is 'do it'0 -
daisy_1571 wrote: »With the above and what you said earlier I wonder if you could buy lots of stackable plastic boxes (with his money if course cos it's to store his stuff) or get all the banana boxes you can from your local supermarkets. They are sturdy, stack well, have various holes for handles, can be written on with marker pen to show what's inside - the only downside is they are not impervious to damp or mice - and put everything into the boxes as you clear the room. They are a decent size but cant be filled till they are too heavy to move unless you're putting metal in them or some such. Make sure to keep the thick cardboard sheets they come with that plug the gaps in the bottom and top. Do the room puting everything in the boxes as you go, then do your repairs and cleaning, then stack the boxes back up in the cleaned room. It sounds like the clutter is now overwhelming but he does want to clear it.
For his own mental health and for the sake of his future self then he can tackle a box at a time. Much easier to cope with. To be honest I feel it's up to him to decide if something is rubbish, sentimental or useful. I am concerned if he comes back and its all clear and lovely he will slowly let it build up again without even realising and you will have loads of stuff in the void that he couldnt care less about cos you will err on side of caution and keep stuff.
Without going thru the physical/mental effort of clearing, cleaning, deciding and dealing with the "stuff" we all have a tendency to feel it was either an easypeasy job or else somehow believe it was all done by pixies and the way we live is out of our control.
I know you say he has had depression and mental illness etc in the past, maybe try not to be his "mother" for just a few minutes, and try to objectively see him as he is now, as you would see him if he was a stranger sitting in the plane next to you when you were off on holiday and you met him for the first time - I bet others see him as a fully capable adult going off round the world surviving on planes and trains and in hotels and around foreign speaking people. I bet tho you still without consciously realising it see him as 6 and incapable, or when he was at his lowest point so you want to shield him? Perfectly understandable of course, as you must worry something will spark it off again. Feel free to disregard as you see fit.
I only say this as I know my mum still sees me as 6 and is astonished when I offer her advice she actually feels is worthwhile. I'm 53. Sigh.
Just a thought,
Daisy xxx
Thanks Daisy. I do understand what you're saying and that is good advice. We could get some boxes to put his stuff in. We would only get rid of food wrappers and obviously broken items. The rest we would box up so that we can clean (fumigate :eek:) the room, and then it probably is a good idea to leave the stuff in his room in the boxes so that he can see what's in them. I could label the boxes so that he can find things.
I know he's an adult and capable in many ways, but he does need help sorting out his room :eek:. If he finds it's pleasanter for him then hopefully he'll keep it tidier.
Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS0 -
:T:T:T:T:T:T:):):):):):):)
Dxxx22: 3🏅 4⭐ 23: 5🏅 6 ⭐ 24 1🏅 2⭐ 25 🏅 🥈⭐ Never save something for a special occasion. Every day is a special occasion. The diff between what you were yesterday and what you will be tomorrow is what you do today Well organised clutter is still clutter - Joshua Becker If you aren't already using something you won't start using it more by shoving it in a cupboard- AJMoney The barrier standing between you & what youre truly capable of isnt lack of info, ideas or techniques. The secret is 'do it'0
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