Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

MadamMim2013 wrote: »

Definitely, your step dad could have thought a little more about the situation yet he’s not thinking about anyone else’s feelings at the moment.. Also the lady friend must be totally oblivious. I appreciate everyone is different yet I do feel she was being highly insensitive towards you and your family!
I feel grumpy and upset for you HH... Wide berth for a while me thinks and if you are asked why then please be honest, say it hurts you to see the physical affection (ie hand holding) at the moment..
Sending a hug your way..

Thank you MadamMim . It's very nice of you to be upset on my behalf. I have to say that I completely agree with everything you've said. I will definitely avoid seeing them together in future if at all possible. They can do what they like in private but displays of public affection are distressing to my mum's family . My mum's sister was very upset by it too.

It was the seven month anniversary of my mum dying today too, which didn't help .

beanielou

Insensitive is so not the word

HairyHandofDartmoor

beanielou wrote: »

insensitive is so not the word

Seasidegal58

It amazes me how insensitive some men can be. It's quite feasible that your step-dad has told the lady that you're all ok with the new relationship because he can't remove his blinkers! Mind you, she may have definitely felt the awkward atmosphere today! Once you get the family commitment out of the way then, yes, I think you should definitely keep your distance from them until YOU feel less upset. Would your OH have a word with your step-dad to explain the realities to him. Might be better man-to-man?

HairyHandofDartmoor

Seasidegal58 wrote: »

It amazes me how insensitive some men can be. It's quite feasible that your step-dad has told the lady that you're all ok with the new relationship because he can't remove his blinkers! Mind you, she may have definitely felt the awkward atmosphere today! Once you get the family commitment out of the way then, yes, I think you should definitely keep your distance from them until YOU feel less upset. Would your OH have a word with your step-dad to explain the realities to him. Might be better man-to-man?

It's quite possible she may have been told that. I don't know if either stepdad or lady friend noticed the awkward atmosphere. DH is so angry with stepdad at the moment that I'm convinced they would have a row . So I think distance is the best medicine for now.

teafor2

I'm sorry to read your Mum only recently passed away HHD, no wonder feelings are so raw, him finding a lady friend so soon Knowing that makes it seem even worse and the pair of them should have been more sensitive to the situation. xx

daisy_1571

I'm back ! Had a great holiday away and came back to pages and pages but have now caught up.

Congratulations on the job hairy, I second the pension advice. This money (however much it ends up being) is extra to what you are used to. Get pension off from day 1 and you wont miss it. Even if you only pay in for a few years you will be glad you did once you start receiving the pension. It will increase as your wages increase without you doing anything which will make it even more worthwhile.

I would also put a percentage away immediately as savings, 10 or 15% or whatever. Automate it as a standing order out the bank account into another account and again you wont miss it but its the beginning of proper savings for you and oh. You may think oh that's such a small amount what's the point but it will grow over the months so again do it from day 1 otherwise it will be months before you do it thinking 'oh this month I will do x, I'll save it next month' etc etc. Just trying to give you the benefit of learning from my mistakes.

Sorry you found the walk difficult.

Hope you got the forms filled in for the companies that got back to you.

Elizabeth your moment with gc sounds wonderful, congrats on him walking/running now, hes growing up!!

Daisy xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

teafor2 wrote: »

I'm sorry to read your Mum only recently passed away HHD, no wonder feelings are so raw, him finding a lady friend so soon Knowing that makes it seem even worse and the pair of them should have been more sensitive to the situation. xx

Thank you TF2. The fact that I'm still grieving for my mum does make it very upsetting. Seven months is such a short time .

HairyHandofDartmoor

daisy_1571 wrote: »

I'm back ! Had a great holiday away and came back to pages and pages but have now caught up.

Congratulations on the job hairy, I second the pension advice. This money (however much it ends up being) is extra to what you are used to. Get pension off from day 1 and you wont miss it. Even if you only pay in for a few years you will be glad you did once you start receiving the pension. It will increase as your wages increase without you doing anything which will make it even more worthwhile.

I would also put a percentage away immediately as savings, 10 or 15% or whatever. Automate it as a standing order out the bank account into another account and again you wont miss it but its the beginning of proper savings for you and oh. You may think oh that's such a small amount what's the point but it will grow over the months so again do it from day 1 otherwise it will be months before you do it thinking 'oh this month I will do x, I'll save it next month' etc etc. Just trying to give you the benefit of learning from my mistakes.

Sorry you found the walk difficult.

Hope you got the forms filled in for the companies that got back to you.

Elizabeth your moment with gc sounds wonderful, congrats on him walking/running now, hes growing up!!

Daisy xx

Thank you Daisy . I am beginning to think that I should say yes to the pension.

I hope you enjoyed your holiday? Sorry you had to do so much reading when you got back :rotfl:.

[Deleted User]

Welcome back, Daisy:beer:. You mentioned that you were going away and I intended to wish you 'bon voyage' before you left. Sadly, as so many things that I intend to do RL intervened and you'd already 'disappeared' before I got round to it:o. Great news that you had a good time:j


HH I feel so upset on your behalf over the ordeal that you had to endure yesterday. And I don't think 'ordeal' is too strong a word for it. As a matter of interest, how old are your Stepdad and his lady friend?


I know you are such a truly good-hearted person and family means so much to you, HH:A, but the fact Stepdad is being so blatant about introducing his 'friend' into the family circle so soon is because he thinks you'll all accept it. He obviously hasn't received the message that it's still too soon. He's blinkered, as has been said already, but if you never mentioned to him that it would be upsetting and disrespectful to the rest of you he sounds like the type of typical man that hasn't a clue about other people's feelings.:(


You say your lovely DH is so upset about the situation that if he were to broach the subject with Stepdad he might have a row. To be honest, HH, I don't think that would be a bad thing. DH is sufficiently 'removed' from immediate kinship to be in a better situation to 'tell it like it is' to Stepdad. DH would be angry on your behalf which is a lot different than you showing anger yourself which is something you don't feel you can do. This mention of rows comes from someone (me) who runs a mile from a confrontation. After a lifetime of my Mother's rages I became the sort of person who's often scared of my own shadow:o. It can give rise to psychological problems in the long run. Please do something to clear the air. If Stepdad has an iota of feeling for his family he'll understand what you're all going through.



So sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, HH, I just want to make things a little better for you. I know I can't but it won't stop me trying. I know you'll be glad in many ways that it's half term and you have the whole week to yourself to get on with all that you manage to cram into your busy days but after yesterday I expect you'd have welcomed the volunteering today to take your mind off things for a few hours.


Take care of yourself:kisses3: