Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

[Deleted User]

beanielou wrote: »

Intensly beetroot tea :eek:
Now I love beetroot but that does seem a step too far.

We love beetroot too and grow it every year. Neither OH or I have tried that particular tea yet though:rotfl:

[Deleted User]

WannabeFree wrote: »

Jwil is the eBay queen, all I will say about FB marketplace I really don't like the idea of people coming to my house. It gives me really bad anxiety when a relative comes so 'strangers' is just something I can't do. So I just go to eBay from the start.

Its always worth a go

x

I don't like strangers coming to my home either. I don't 'do' Facebook for anything, I don't even have an account, but I made the mistake once of agreeing for an eBay buyer to collect a heavy item as he said he was often in the area and wanted to save on the postage. I was really scared by him when he turned up as I was here alone and we have no nearby neighbours. I was handing over the item in the hallway but the sitting room door was open and he just walked in there and started wandering round the room and picking things up off the shelves and windowsills and making comments like ''Ooh, this is nice, do you want to sell it?'' and ''how much do you want for this?''. I didn't want to sell any of them and I just wanted him to go:eek:. He wasn't exactly threatening in any way but I felt anxious all the same. He went eventually but I worried for ages afterwards in case he'd been casing the place to come back sometime when no one was in and steal things:eek:



I have a similar problem when I donate things on Freecycle as with that people come to collect. I always make sure OH is here when that happens. Even then I've had timewasters when people say they'll come at a specified time and don't bother turning up or letting me know. Then they come at a totally different time, even a different day, with no warning and when OH sometimes has gone out.

[Deleted User]

Sorry to be clogging up your diary, HH, but I was busy yesterday (no, not shed related:rotfl:) and have only had the chance this morning to read back on lots of posts since I was here last:o


I just wanted to say that when you mentioned the level of your Stepdad's relationship as being 'confirmed' I assumed it was by your Sister and not by him directly. I just wonder if the fact that he hasn't told you himself yet(although he's had plenty of opportunity) is because he really doesn't want to hurt you and add to the grief that you are still feeling so intensely for your Mum. Of all of you, it looks like you are suffering the most over her death and I know, as does he, what a close and loving bond you always had with her. Maybe he'll broach the subject next time you see him without your having to mention it. I suspect he's treading very carefully and biding his time to speak to you about it until he feels the time is right for you. There's always the risk with that approach though of your finding out from someone else, as indeed you have.


I agree that it is very soon to be in such a relationship especially as it looks as if it must have started a while ago. It would knock me for six too and I send my love and support to you:kisses3:. I know you want him to be happy and move on, no one wants loved ones to be miserable and alone, but your own feelings are perfectly normal and understandable. What does DH think about it? At least you have the support and comfort of him and your boys and that must be a real blessing at such an emotional time for you.


Thinking of you xxx

Sallyforth

Oh HH I feel for you but admire your determination to deal with your stepdad’s new relationship with empathy. I think if I let my heart rule my head I would feel exactly the same as you do. It is very early but men aren’t wired like us women and you did mention a slight autism didn’t you? I have a friend with mild Aspergers who almost views romantic relationships as a commodity and necessity. One day I hope they will settle down but they are still seeking that perfect partner (who will never exist!). I’m not suggesting your stepdad is like this but just offering up some further thoughts.
Hope your Saturday is a nice one and the cold is on it’s way out. Oh and DH mends the cooker for you too.
Sally x

HairyHandofDartmoor

Seasidegal58 wrote: »

I'm so sorry that you've had your fears confirmed today Hairy. I don't blame you for feeling down.

I personally think it's too soon as well, but I do believe than men appear less able to cope on their own than women in general. If you remember Paul McCartney - he and Linda only actually spent a few nights apart in all the years they were together - which I would think is unusual in the music business. They were very close. But he jumped very quickly into a new relationship after she passed away. I honestly think he was looking for someone to take her place and bring back all those happy years. And then it never worked out.

I think you are right in just being polite when you meet them together. No need to rush inviting her into your home yet as it may well fizzle out anyway. Take all the time you need.

But you've given me the impetus to try and see if I can get some PPI from my many credit cards used over the years. I got it back from a loan and bank charges already so I'll dig out the CC paperwork. Thank you!:T

elizabethhull wrote: »

Based on my brother, who has been divorced and widowed and is with a (very nice) partner now - I don't think some men can cope on their own very well at all. In fact my brother was contemplating the new partner whilst wife no 2 was in care with dementia ! He's my brother and I love him, but I think he needs someone there, so the 'too soon' description isn't how he sees things.

I'm pretty sure it's NO reflection on your Mum at all but I see it's hard for you to take.
Well at least you've admitted how you feel - well done for facing up to it.

carbootcrazy wrote: »

Sorry to be clogging up your diary, HH, but I was busy yesterday (no, not shed related:rotfl:) and have only had the chance this morning to read back on lots of posts since I was here last:o


I just wanted to say that when you mentioned the level of your Stepdad's relationship as being 'confirmed' I assumed it was by your Sister and not by him directly. I just wonder if the fact that he hasn't told you himself yet(although he's had plenty of opportunity) is because he really doesn't want to hurt you and add to the grief that you are still feeling so intensely for your Mum. Of all of you, it looks like you are suffering the most over her death and I know, as does he, what a close and loving bond you always had with her. Maybe he'll broach the subject next time you see him without your having to mention it. I suspect he's treading very carefully and biding his time to speak to you about it until he feels the time is right for you. There's always the risk with that approach though of your finding out from someone else, as indeed you have.


I agree that it is very soon to be in such a relationship especially as it looks as if it must have started a while ago. It would knock me for six too and I send my love and support to you:kisses3:. I know you want him to be happy and move on, no one wants loved ones to be miserable and alone, but your own feelings are perfectly normal and understandable. What does DH think about it? At least you have the support and comfort of him and your boys and that must be a real blessing at such an emotional time for you.


Thinking of you xxx

Thank you all . He's never been confirmed autistic, that was a joke my mum used to make, but he can lack emotional intelligence at times. I do wonder how long it's been going on . Maybe he'll tell me today. I can see now that he has been dropping hints so maybe he thought I knew. He will assume my sister told me probably. DH feels the same way I do that it is too soon.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Sallyforth wrote: »

Oh HH I feel for you but admire your determination to deal with your stepdad’s new relationship with empathy. I think if I let my heart rule my head I would feel exactly the same as you do. It is very early but men aren’t wired like us women and you did mention a slight autism didn’t you? I have a friend with mild Aspergers who almost views romantic relationships as a commodity and necessity. One day I hope they will settle down but they are still seeking that perfect partner (who will never exist!). I’m not suggesting your stepdad is like this but just offering up some further thoughts.
Hope your Saturday is a nice one and the cold is on it’s way out. Oh and DH mends the cooker for you too.
Sally x

Thank you Sally . It is hard but it's just another thing I have to deal with. He's not been diagnosed autistic but it's a joke my mum used to make when he put his foot in it. He can lack emotional intelligence at times.

mummytogirls

Hope you're ok HHOD xx

badmemory

Tut Tut! I saw you all extracting the Michael from my username. (I've lost the smilies & can't remember where to find them). The daft thing is that if the final date had been the 31st instead of the 29th there is no way I would have remembered.

HairyHandofDartmoor

badmemory wrote: »

Tut Tut! I saw you all extracting the Michael from my username. (I've lost the smilies & can't remember where to find them). The daft thing is that if the final date had been the 31st instead of the 29th there is no way I would have remembered.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

HairyHandofDartmoor

mummytogirls wrote: »

Hope you're ok HHOD xx

Thank you MTG . It's the shock more than anything .