Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

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HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Well it's been confirmed that stepdad and the lady are in a romantic relationship. If I'm being completely honest about my feelings I am very upset and shaken by this news. The reason I'm upset is because I think it's too soon. It makes me feel as if he can't have loved my mum very much if he can move on so quickly. It feels like a betrayal of my mum. I know he's lonely and that maybe I can't understand how he feels because I don't have to live alone, etc. But that doesn't change how I feel.

Having said that I'm not going to cause a rift in the family. I'm not even going to tell him how I feel because I think that would cause bad feeling. I'm going to take it on the chin like I always do. But I'm not happy about it. So I won't invite her around with him yet. If he invites me to his house when she is there I will be polite and friendly. But it's too soon for me to invite her here.

I need time to get over the shock, to process my feelings, and to get used to the idea that he is with someone else. All of this will take time. I haven't got used to my mum having died yet and now I have to get used to this. I don't expect him to be alone and unhappy for the rest of his life. But I think six months is too soon.

Anyway that's how I feel and I can't help it.

It's strange I commented last night that I had had no experience of this situation but in fact I have. My brother died very tragically at 28 , he left a wife and a 18 month old baby . My SIL actually met someone else just 12 months after and was with him for 15 yrs , my niece called him dad . I felt that was to short a time 12 months but she was lonely also . She has never remarried to this day . We were very polite to the new partner he became a welcomed guest after a long time. We are all different.

As foe EBay , I use it to sell quite often , haven't had many problems with it , the getting started is the hardest bit. When you have sorted the PPI , give it a try.

How is the oven or have I missed that update :rotfl:

HairyHandofDartmoor

doingitanyway wrote: »

It is soon so it is unsurprising you feel the way you do.
I think accepting the way you feel is important.
It will take time to come to terms with this new development
Sending a hug

Thank you DIA .

HairyHandofDartmoor

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

It's strange I commented last night that I had had no experience of this situation but in fact I have. My brother died very tragically at 28 , he left a wife and a 18 month old baby . My SIL actually met someone else just 12 months after and was with him for 15 yrs , my niece called him dad . I felt that was to short a time 12 months but she was lonely also . She has never remarried to this day . We were very polite to the new partner he became a welcomed guest after a long time. We are all different.

As foe EBay , I use it to sell quite often , haven't had many problems with it , the getting started is the hardest bit. When you have sorted the PPI , give it a try.

How is the oven or have I missed that update :rotfl:

I don't know how I will feel in the future, if it lasts that long, I only know how I feel now . I'm sorry about your brother Cumbria.

Our oven is still not working but then DH hasn't had time to look at it. We've eaten so that's the main thing.

Yes I will try ebay after the PPI. I'm going to be busy aren't I .

beanielou

I dont know what to say really.
I do think it is too soon but that is just my personal opinion.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you Beanie . I just have to get used to it and move on. I wish life was less complicated.

EssexHebridean

Oh HH that is such a tough situation with your stepdad - I suspect as others have said that is no reflection on his relationship with your Mum whatsoever - I guess that's another question actually, what might your Mum have thought of it? I don't know the circumstances of her death but might it even have been something they talked about, perhaps? I think it's the right thing for you to take a bit of a step back and take time to get used to things though - it may all fizzle out if it suddenly hits him that it's too soon for him in any event. Have a virtual hug from here, anyway.

Is your oven hard-wired into a fused socket? If so can you turn off the power and try changing the fuse perhaps to see if it's that?

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you EH . I don't think my mum would have liked him moving on so soon. I can't know for sure, but I just feel she would have preferred him to wait a year at least. She wouldn't want him to be unhappy for ever because she did love him.

It could be the fuse, but the element has gone twice previously so it could be that. Hopefully DH will find time to investigate at the weekend .

Seasidegal58

I'm so sorry that you've had your fears confirmed today Hairy. I don't blame you for feeling down.

I personally think it's too soon as well, but I do believe than men appear less able to cope on their own than women in general. If you remember Paul McCartney - he and Linda only actually spent a few nights apart in all the years they were together - which I would think is unusual in the music business. They were very close. But he jumped very quickly into a new relationship after she passed away. I honestly think he was looking for someone to take her place and bring back all those happy years. And then it never worked out.

I think you are right in just being polite when you meet them together. No need to rush inviting her into your home yet as it may well fizzle out anyway. Take all the time you need.

But you've given me the impetus to try and see if I can get some PPI from my many credit cards used over the years. I got it back from a loan and bank charges already so I'll dig out the CC paperwork. Thank you!:T

elizabethhull

Seasidegal58 wrote: »

but I do believe than men appear less able to cope on their own than women in general. :T

Based on my brother, who has been divorced and widowed and is with a (very nice) partner now - I don't think some men can cope on their own very well at all. In fact my brother was contemplating the new partner whilst wife no 2 was in care with dementia ! He's my brother and I love him, but I think he needs someone there, so the 'too soon' description isn't how he sees things.

I'm pretty sure it's NO reflection on your Mum at all but I see it's hard for you to take.
Well at least you've admitted how you feel - well done for facing up to it.

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Aha another person with a tea dilemma :rotfl:.

If you're not massively keen on the teas can you package them up in a nice gift basket (that you already have hopefully) and give them to someone as a birthday present?

I thought of that, HH, but I can't imagine who I'd give them to. I did offer them to a couple of people just as they were, not as a birthday gift or anything, but once I'd told them the type of flavours there were they quickly declined my generous offer:rotfl:


I missed my chance at Christmas:o. I should have made up a couple of gift baskets and donated them to various local events that are always [STRIKE]pestering[/STRIKE] asking for donations for raffles etc.. I could still do it though, there's always something coming up somewhere when donations are wanted. I might still have a couple of suitable baskets in the dreaded shed:eek:. Something else to add to my To Do Sometime list. I also asked at a couple of charity shops but they said they can't accept 'foodstuffs':(