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Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

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Comments

  • My son is only 2 hours away and I don't visit at all, I drop off and collect at the start and end of term.

    In a crisis I would go straight there.

    We message occasionally but generally we have very little contact while he is away.
  • @ES @EE Thanks for your input. It does give me perspective on what others do.

    In an ideal world if money was plentiful it would be nice to visit DS3 once a term and take him out to eat, or to visit a place in the nearby area. But if we don't have the funds then we can't do it. So it's good to know that a lot of people don't visit their kids.

    Hopefully DS3 will be busy with friends and activities, and will be having such a good time he won't care if we visit or not.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • Today will be a busy one packing our stuff for three nights away and making sure DS3 has all his stuff for ten weeks. DH will be busy working of course.

    DS2 is staying home alone with the furry moron for three nights, what could possibly go wrong?! I'd better clean out the furry moron today as I normally do it on Saturday and otherwise he will stink to high heaven by the time we get back.

    The weather is horrible, dark and rainy, but I don't have any plans to go out.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • DMP_Tiger wrote: »
    Have to agree with this. We were never welcome to visit DS at all during his time at Uni. He came home for hols and also for a couple of weekends each term to see his mates. He was enjoying himself too much to want us visiting....presumably doing stuff that he didn't want us to know about :rotfl:

    Sorry I should also have said that we did Skype him regularly, he was happy with that as he only had to tidy up the small area that we could see behind him :rotfl:

    Also, my wife was just as emotional as you about her only son leaving home and going to Uni so what you're feeling is perfectly normal - especially having lost your mum too.
    August 2018: Secured Debt £70,003 Unsecured Debt (DMP) £34,657 Total £104,660 DFD: March 2031
    January 2019: Secured Debt £68,269 Unsecured Debt (DMP) £34,457 Total £102,726 DFD: March 2031
  • Thanks @DMPTiger
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Newbie
    edited 20 September 2018 at 9:49AM
    I'm glad people's experiences have helped you feel better about not being able to visit DS3. I know he'll miss you as much as you'll miss him but the person who is away from home and having lots of enjoyable experiences and a busy life might just show it less. The 'leaver' can sometimes seem a bit uncaring and enfeeling because of it but it isn't the case at all. So please don't take it personally and get upset if he isn't phoning or texting you all the time. The ones left behind at home are carrying on their normal routine with a gap there, someone missing from their circle. Someone going away always hits them hardest and it must be especially sad for you so soon after the loss of your lovely Mum and the support she always gave you.


    When I was at University (we never called it Uni in my day:rotfl:) I was always really annoyed if my parents turned up for a visit:(. My Mum was a great one for turning up unexpectedly at distant relatives' homes. She said it would be a nice surprise for them. More like a shock I'd have thought:eek:. They dropped in on me unexpectedly sometimes en route to visit relatives even more distantly located. I was always in the middle of doing something my Mum disapproved of:o (not that I ever did anything outlandish but she disapproved of anything and everything:(). It was either her way or the wrong way:eek:. Just the opposite of your lovely Mum's attitude to life I think.


    Once or twice they turned up when I wasn't in and a very kind fellow Halls dweller would give them tea and try to entertain them but that always embarrassed me when I heard of it later. On those occasions they had to leave before I even got back. If they wanted to be sure of seeing me they should have given me notice of when they were likely to come. I'm sure I could have come up with some plausible excuses for why it wasn't convenient;). My Mum invariably came with vast quantities of home-made pickles (her speciality) which I didn't really want or need. Friends were the 'lucky' recipients later and they were all particularly fond of her Piccallili:rotfl:


    I hope the winds and torrential rain have abated by the time you set off on your travels, HH. Safe journey:kisses3:
  • Thanks Carboot. If he doesn't get in touch I'm sure that will be a good sign that he's busy enjoying himself! I feel better this morning, but it's always in the evening I get low, because it's dark outside and I'm tired I guess.

    Your stories about your mum visiting you at uni are very funny :).
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • Forgot to say, just look how worried you were when DS2 went globetrotting, especially the first time. Perfectly understandable, you're his Mum, but it all went well, nothing awful befell him, and the experience probably did him the world of good:j


    It's not easy to see offspring fly the nest (says she who never had any) but, after all, it's what you did such a great job working towards:beer:
  • HairyHandofDartmoor
    HairyHandofDartmoor Posts: 13,960 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 20 September 2018 at 9:55AM
    Once DS3 is dropped off at uni I'm going to allow myself the rest of that week to grieve. Then I need to adapt to my new life without my mum and with DS3 being away.

    DS2 says he wants to go to India in November and move to London in January! Not that DS2 ever comes out of his room when he is at home, so he may as well live on Jupiter! So that will just leave DS1 at home and if his ADHD gets treated then he will fly the nest eventually too.

    My new routine will be Pilates on Monday evenings, food shop with stepdad on Wednesday mornings, and volunteer at school on Thursday and Friday mornings. If the school ever offer me a job I will say yes, but I think that's unlikely given my age (54).

    I have done a lot of thinking since losing my mum. The business DH runs is not my passion, it is his. I've helped him with it ever since the kids started school, but I don't enjoy it, and in fact have always found it stressful and unfulfilling.

    Since losing my mum I've felt like I can't bear to work in the business. DH says he doesn't mind and can manage without me as long as I do the tax stuff.

    I have an idea for a small business I could run from home, based on an existing interest of mine. It wouldn't cost any money to set up as I could run it over the internet. I would like to pursue this as I need an interest in life and a reason to get out of bed in the mornings.

    I think up to now my passion has been my family. But the older members are dying out and the younger members are moving away. So I need a new passion and a reason for living.

    The new business could make money over time, but is unlikely to straight away. I could run it under the umbrella of our existing business, so no real admin to set up or separate financial accounts to worry about.

    Nothing can replace the people I love but this could help to fill a huge hole in my life.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • Morning Hairy,

    I think it's good to have a reassess of things and if DH's business isn't what you have your heart in, then I think it'd be good to do something else.
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