diary of strugglin working mum

SarahNeedle1872

Good luck BG x

dinkytwostep

Hi Bartgirl. I'm a lurker on MSE boards - but have been following your thread.

I think the comment about the holiday is to be careful that you don't end up paying the deposit for a family holiday and then your OH decides he doesn't want to go away after all....make sure he 'coughs up' first!

Do you think your OH could have fallen out with his girlfriend (or is playing "happy families" as a way of getting at her?).. you mentioned before that he is always nice when he's rowed with her.

The other thing I was thinking ....
Is it possible he believes YOU are having an affair? We know you aren't but think of it from his side....

..you're working lots of overtime but you still have no money to show for the additional hours....
... you've asked him to mend things in the house in the past so it's not likely that you can lay floor tiles on your own (we know you CAN!).
... by suddenly spending the week with you he is scuppering any plans you have to meet up - plus can see your reaction to the changes.

.. he's also watching out for text messages you may be sending....

I don't know if this helps or not... but it may make you less anxious.

DTS

Sorry - can't find the smilies......

poorbabe

Hi everyone. I've been reading and not posting for a while now. Still not Ebayed anything though

BG, dinkey raised a very good point and although I've never been in an abusive relationship, your report of his behaviour in recent days raised alarm bells in my mind, but I could be worrying about nothing :rolleyes:

Tread carefully and keep your guard up. You have us to lean on, as always, and now you also have the support group. Good luck with that, by the way.

BartGirl

dinkytwostep wrote: »

Hi Bartgirl. I'm a lurker on MSE boards - but have been following your thread.

I think the comment about the holiday is to be careful that you don't end up paying the deposit for a family holiday and then your OH decides he doesn't want to go away after all....make sure he 'coughs up' first!

I would agree with this point totally

Do you think your OH could have fallen out with his girlfriend (or is playing "happy families" as a way of getting at her?).. you mentioned before that he is always nice when he's rowed with her.

You know - its ironic you should say this because i couldnt remember whether i had/ had not mentioned his girlf in the diary - either way i do think she's now off the scene cos he's just hanging around So Much???

The other thing I was thinking ....
Is it possible he believes YOU are having an affair? We know you aren't but think of it from his side....

..you're working lots of overtime but you still have no money to show for the additional hours.... luckily the extra overtime has fallen on Bank Hols so he's not picked up on that Too Much as i usually work Mondays anyway so i dont think he's cottoned on. i know this'll become a prob in the future though..
... you've asked him to mend things in the house in the past so it's not likely that you can lay floor tiles on your own (we know you CAN!).

Again i dont think this would ring his alarm bells cos as soon as i get paid i usually buy something for the home like a bookcase/mirror etc so i know he wouldnt be too alarmed by this -also i did tell him the true cost - £30 - so he's not too shocked
... by suddenly spending the week with you he is scuppering any plans you have to meet up - plus can see your reaction to the changes.

.. he's also watching out for text messages you may be sending....

I don't know if this helps or not... but it may make you less anxious.

DTS

Sorry - can't find the smilies......

I appreciate your observations though - you have the makings of a sleuth!

BartGirl

I had my session at the counsellors yesterday. I called up in advance to reschedule cos of childcare etc but the lady said it was only an assessment of what my needs were - i could bring DS! :j

It lasted about half and hour and the lady was so so nice.

I was surprised at how easily she could draw tears from me just by asking certain pertinent questions - which made me realise how much i do need someone professional to talk to - my best friend is a total rock - but she has a life too and I'm worried that all i ever talk about is how miserable i am and how OH is being a total s***. I'll try and offload onto the counsellor instead now!

She said i was entitled to something like 16 sessions in total so i wonder whats meant to happen after that ?

She was really surprised when i told her OH contributes diddly squat towards DSs upbringing -incl nothing towards clothing, childcare costs, nappies etc. I was surprised because I just Do It Anyway..she also asked whether he gives me money for myself or takes us out. When i told her No for both - again she appeared surprised which made me again realise how f*d up my situation really is...

Anyway - hopefully as time goes by I'll be able to unravel the thoughts in my head..shall keep you all posted..

poorbabe

Hi BG.

Glad you found the session useful as it's made you think about your situation in a different light. Amazing how the tears flow the first time isn't it? I had mine just over a week ago and spent most of it in floods, hopefully tonight's will be better, but I'm going armed with tissues and a hanky, just in case :rolleyes:

Onwards and upwards missy! :T :T


PS: Was DS in the same room as you yesterday? Is there a chance he might say something to alert 'him' to your visit?

Wol2

Hi BG

Have just spent the last hour composing a PM only to lose it. :mad:

Will start again tomorrow as it's late. Please note Poorbabe and Sisbod comments.

Well done on going to see the counsellor and glad it started to make some pointers for you.

Just remember you are not alone..some of us have been there and understand totally your current situation...particularly with OH change in behaviour.

No judgements...just concern, hugs and love.

Stay cool lady!!
Wol2
xxx

BartGirl

I know probably alot of you on here are wondering what's happened to me.
Not alot - just been busy trying to sort out the bedrooms - old clothes etc.
Been really snowed under with work-work where on a few occasions I've had to bring paperwork home to get stuff completed if I was going to make deadlines etc

But other than that not alot else has happened.

I got a red letter from the council the other day threateneing court action cos i' not 'paid my arrears'. That letter truly p*d me off - cos I know I've got a huge amount of arrears from last year - never mind this years CT bill - and when i called to tell them that I'd like them to 'merge' the 2 bills together and I'd pay That total off in monthly installments - they refused! The guy (who's name I took) told me that they dont have the capability to do that and that i should pay the arrears off immediately - which i'm unable to do - and that i should start paying this years payments asap. So i decided off my own back to 'do the maths' and decided to start paying off a combination of the current years monthly installment with the arrears added on top. Then i get their stinky red letter. I called and spoke to a lady who understood perfectly what I'd done. Her response was 'you should just have told us that that's what you'd intended to do and we'd have put it on the system'. When i pointed out that I tried to do that on my last call - and explained everything - she was shocked. I gave her the bloke's name etc. I was livid to say the least - but anyway - its all sorted.

Financially I'm pleased with my developments cos I've managed to get my Provident down to £150 left, and Barclaycard is £78!! Yucky yucky Vanquis is £780 but these are now my main 'debts' excluding the Council Tax. I shall try and reduce the Provident and Barclaycard amounts by half when i next get paid - then by July they should be finito! Yippee!! :j
This should me something that'll help me immensely in terms of both adding to my savings AND getting shot of the Vanquis..

Ebay-wise it;s been really really slow - although I have sold bits and bobs on there I'm not making much money to throw towards my savings..have loads to keep throwing at it though - so shan't stop yet! I've still got another 10 items on there due to end over the weekend.
I have also done a mystery shop that's earnt me £6.80 and another one due on to do on Monday. I keep getting emails from SAROS for research but never ever get selected for them. Anyone here ever been successful with them ?

The highlight of my month I must say though - is that a fellow MSE / DFWer from here has been kind enough to donate me a shredder! I am over the moon and cant thank them enough.. I am also trying to get a headboard and toilet seat as well either v.v. cheaply (ebay etc) or through Freecycle. I've decided to put my unsold Ebay stuff on Freecycle now..

I went to my local car boot on Sunday and got DS a moving Thomas for 50p, and a handful of Ladybird books for 50p too.I also got myself a lovely long-sleeved Ralph Lauren top for 50p and its in fab condition too. There really want much else there. More tat than anything!

In terms of tackling my debt I have decided to try and claim back my credit card charges following the advice given on this website. I sent £10 cheques to both Barclaycard and LPF as well. They both cashed the cheques a few days ago but I've heard nothing from either of them. I decided to call them up and find out what's going on.. They said they've sent the details out on the 13th and 14th May respectively. Nothing received yet..apparently it takes about 10-15 days to get to me ???

Its DSs birthday in a few weeks - and I've decided to get him a tricycle. My budget is about £30. His dad has offered diddly squat. I'm looking thru Quidco, ToysRUs etc cos although usually I'd be quite happy to get one off of Ebay etc seeing as its his birthday, I've decided to buy him Brand New!

I'd also like to thank you all for your private messages wondering where I am..

Ellidee

Great to hear from you hunny I was wondering where you were. You only mentioned ds dad in passing so how are things going with him ? Maybe you don't want to talk about it but I can't not ask. Take care :grouphug: XX El

SarahNeedle1872

Great to hear from you again BG.... hope everything is ok with you and DS's Dad...?

TC

Sarah x