Husband keeps taking my money.

BucksLady

NineDeuce wrote: »

A lot of people who voted to leave the EU are stuck in the dark ages unable to acknowledge that culture change is a fact of life.

Not sure how this helps the OP

pollypenny

Firmly up on my high horse:

It's selfish to expect a man to 'keep' a wife. A marriage is a partnership of equals. That's the culture in this country, in the 21st century.

moneyistooshorttomention

BucksLady wrote: »

Not sure how this helps the OP

Me neither - as someone that keeps an eye on developing trends in Society and does adopt them if they make sense...

.....and voted for Brexit (also down to a developing trend I can see....:cool:)

Pollycat

pollypenny wrote: »

Firmly up on my high horse:

It's selfish to expect a man to 'keep' a wife. A marriage is a partnership of equals. That's the culture in this country, in the 21st century.

TBH, I was absolutely gob-smacked at this:

hello007007 wrote: »

Before some people get onto their high horse, you need to understand we are both from a culture where a man is not allowed to take his wives money without her permission and in a marriage he has to pay for everything - all her upkeep and the children. Both of our mothers were much better off than our fathers. My mother didn't share her money with her husband unless she wanted too plus my father had to ask for it. He had no access to her accounts.

VeronicaMars

hello007007 wrote: »

It would help to know how others share their money with their husbands.

My husband and I put everything in the joint account and everything gets paid for from that.

We used to give each other the same amount of "pocket money" to spend each month purely on us and then saved the rest but then found we were just spending it for the sake of spending. However this might be a good compromise for your situation?

Now if we need/want something we just buy it. We're both pretty reasonable and neither is excessive so this works well for us. I used to earn more than him, then he earned more than me, then I earned more than him so it's always been swings and roundabouts.

We work very different from both our parents. My father was breadwinner and handed over his pay packet but my mother completely controlled finances and my dad had money that was his, which honestly i just kinda find weird, i.e if he bought something for the family my mum would then reimburse him the money - like a stranger had lent her money. My in-laws also have my father in law control the money and my mother in law sometimes asks permission, which i still kinda find weird however find my husband and I sometimes "ask" even though we don't need to...so not that weird obviously!!!

My friends also do it different where they pay a percentage into the joint account based on proportions of salaries and then whatever they have left is theirs. Again, i just find this weird and can't understand it. I mean they're married or effectively married in the eyes of the law so everything is 50:50 anyway? However I think I'm in the minority with how we do it so they probably think we are weird! :rotfl:

sheramber

Where does you money come from. You said in another post your husband was giving up work due to ill health so you would be living on benefit. So it is not really your money or his money. It is money provided by th government to support th family.

I am surprised that if you are on benefits you can afford to overpay your mortgage.

Izadora

VeronicaMars wrote: »

My friends also do it different where they pay a percentage into the joint account based on proportions of salaries and then whatever they have left is theirs. Again, i just find this weird and can't understand it. I mean they're married or effectively married in the eyes of the law so everything is 50:50 anyway? However I think I'm in the minority with how we do it so they probably think we are weird! :rotfl:

I think they're the two most common ways of dealing with finances and this

VeronicaMars wrote: »

We're both pretty reasonable and neither is excessive:

is probably the biggest deciding factor in whether you deal with everything out of one account or both keep your own spends separate from the joint account.

NineDeuce

davidwood123 wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Were you born this stupid or is it something that's come through years of practice?

In other words, Leaver, I am right....

davidwood123

sheramber wrote: »

Where does you money come from. You said in another post your husband was giving up work due to ill health so you would be living on benefit. So it is not really your money or his money. It is money provided by th government to support th family.

I am surprised that if you are on benefits you can afford to overpay your mortgage.

I'm not.....

maman

sheramber wrote: »

Where does your money come from. You said in another post your husband was giving up work due to ill health so you would be living on benefit. So it is not really your money or his money. It is money provided by th government to support th family.

I am surprised that if you are on benefits you can afford to overpay your mortgage.

I wondered that too.


My first reaction was that in my culture too husbands don't go into a wife's personal bank account and take the money (in any event he wouldn't be able to as he I don't tell anyone my login details). To me, that's as unthinkable as my DH opening my mail or going into my handbag. It just wouldn't happen.


We all joke about what's yours is mine and what's mine's my own but it seems OP really wants that:eek:. If it's the case that all the money they have is from Benefits then these will have been awarded with family circumstances taken into account so it may be family money not his/hers. If OP has a private income inherited/gifted from her family then I hope the Benefit people know about it. If she works and feels she should keep some of her earnings (or even some of the Benefits if affordable) for personal spending then why share your banking details??


It's hard to comment further. I can see why OP's husband would be cross if they're on the breadline and she's buying non essentials but don't know enough about the family finances to be give an informed opinion.