Husband keeps taking my money.

Sicard

I come from a culture where everything she owns is hers and everything I own is hers.

moneyistooshorttomention

I don't really understand the reasoning behind "I come from a culture where....".

You're in Britain. Things vary in this country - but overall we believe in managing money within a household in a fair and logical way and it's pretty much the consensus of opinion these days that the bills etc are paid first and what is left is 50/50 his and hers.

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I don't really understand the reasoning behind "I come from a culture where....".

Me, neither.

The traditions from our two families are different - in one, the men handed over their wage packets, the wives gave back the husbands their spending money and the women managed the family money; in the other, the women were given housekeeping money and the men kept the rest and paid the bills and organised savings. If a wife managed to save on the housekeeping money, the extra was hers to keep.

Neither tradition suited us and we've always had everything joint from the word go. The idea of being richer than my OH is quite bizarre to me.

barbarawright

I'm intrigued. What culture is this?

moneyistooshorttomention

I know what you mean Mojisola.

I don't have anything to look back on how my mothers side of the family did things - as her mother was widowed pretty young and so my mother never knew how things would have been I guess.

In my fathers family - his father had just handed over his paypacket unopened to his mother and she managed the money. So my mother just found that my father was automatically handing over his paypacket unopened to her as soon as he married her - as he assumed that's what everyone did. To this day = my mother manages the household money. That viewpoint is more logical than a man taking all the money and only handing over a small proportion to the woman for "housekeeping" (as, traditionally, the woman was the one that had to ensure the bills were paid and children fed etc).

In this day and age, however, a new era brings with it a new way of thinking. Women no longer have children unless they actively want to basically and women are that bit more likely to earn equal income to a man. Hence our modern consensus opinion of 50/50 after the bills are paid.

There are odd exceptions and I'm certainly very conscious of the fact I've only ever basically earnt a "womans" salary, rather than a "persons" salary and would have ended up getting subsidised to some extent by a (presumably better -paid) husband if I had ever got married. (NB: My agegroup being early 60s).

I hope things are more equal for the younger generation - though I can see things aren't totally equal yet (those BBC presenters being paid less if they're female for instance).

This is the thing - one doesn't stay "set in concrete" in the mindset of even your own generation (never mind the parental generation). Imo it's best to study how things are in one's own generation and also keep an eye on developing trends in the younger generation/s and see what amendments to the way of thinking one's own parents had seem like a good idea and adopt them oneself.

The parental generation doesnt lay down in stone how things are forever and ever amen. Right now - personally I've adopted from the younger generation:
- veering towards vegan and upping my game on how healthy my diet is
- making it plain I don't need or wish to know what the sex of the body someone is in (as it's totally irrelevant - whether they're male, female, transitioning from one to the other, etc, etc).

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

There are odd exceptions and I'm certainly very conscious of the fact I've only ever basically earnt a "womans" salary, rather than a "persons" salary and would have ended up getting subsidised to some extent by a (presumably better -paid) husband if I had ever got married.

We've had spells when one of us brought in more money than the other but, for most of our marriage, I've been too ill to earn much.

I'm very much a 'kept woman' financially but that's not the only thing that a relationship is about and, thank goodness, my OH appreciates my contributions to the family.

martinsurrey

barbarawright wrote: »

I'm intrigued. What culture is this?

Islam

http://www.islamweb.net/en/article/168457/financial-rights-of-women

OP seems to want the benefits of Islams approach to woman's earnings, without the common downsides of woman's treatment in other aspects of life.

Caz3121

hello007007 wrote: »

a man is not allowed to take his wives money without her permission and in a marriage he has to pay for everything - all her upkeep and the children.

OP does "wives money" include things like tax credits which would be a joint claim and, maybe to fit with the cultural requirements he should receive these into his account and not yours. Are you including the DLA for your child, child benefit etc? again if the husband should be paying for everything it would make sense for him to receive all the benefits

moneyistooshorttomention

Doesnt sound like a very good bargain to me actually - financial support but no independence. Think I'd rather have the independence personally.

NineDeuce

Even if you do have a mental illness, it seems that the culture is the problem. Cultures change all the time.

But dont worry, you arent alone. A lot of people who voted to leave the EU are stuck in the dark ages unable to acknowledge that culture change is a fact of life.