Desperate for a baby - but now things have changed

wad91

Thanks everyone.

My husband is aware i am coming off the pill, don't worry!

This is my pre-conception plan, or at least my 'pre-pre-conception' plan. As in things i am doing before we even start trying for kids. That was the idea of getting a new car, making the spare room habitable etc. This can just be the last part.

I do want to feel better, but it really is hard sometimes and feel that it is not worth the bother. I do far more for other people than myself and it's hard to get out of the habit. I guess i almost use it as an excuse (oh i can't go out with friends because...)
I am really hope i do come out of the other side of this a better person, and feel that it will re-affirm our love for each other as he has stuck with me through all of this when he really didn't have to.

Mojisola

wad91 wrote: »

I am really hope i do come out of the other side of this a better person, and feel that it will re-affirm our love for each other as he has stuck with me through all of this when he really didn't have to.

Have you told him how much you value this - and love him for his support?

davidwood123

OP, having a baby won't solve your problems.

pearl123

If you are not coping as it is how could a baby reduce that strain? It would increase the pressure and strain.

It's can be a frightening world for a child growing up knowing that a parent is fragile or not quite right.

Chappers27

Trust me if you're having marital issues now, they will grow with the addition of a baby. It sounds like you think having a baby will solve some issues. They definitely will not. Having a child is a very serious and lifelong commitment. It is not a glib thing. Fortunately you are both young. Trust me when I say many people, on their first marriage, marry the wrong one and have kids. Then they look back and wonder 'Why did i marry them".

The old adage is true. Build a house on strong foundations and it will stand. Build it on weak foundations, it will collapse.

Loz01

wad91 wrote: »

I really didn't feel that my mental health was an issue before counselling, but now it makes every day life difficult.

Im not trying to nit pick your posts but if this is true then why on Earth are you considering getting pregnant? Its exhausting looking after a new baby and especially if you aren't in the right frame of mind. Or what if it triggers off post natal blues/depression?

pearl123

If you have any mental health issue then it is likely to be magnified after having children.

System

pearl123 wrote: »

If you have any mental health issue then it is likely to be magnified after having children.

You're certainly at an increased risk of PND which is something to consider. I'm not having kids cos of the risk of PND and psychosis.

Thats not to say you shouldn;t have kids, but best to be in the right frame of mind before you do and be prepared for it.

Kathy535

With regard to your low libido, there is evidence that suggests that the more you have, the more you want and that by going with the flow (even if you don't feel in the mood initially) can promote a higher libido. Also, you might want to google 'responsive desire' which basically says that some woman rarely spontaneously and actively want sex but once things have started they become aroused and get more enthusiastic (as opposed to wanting sex in and of itself and therefore suggesting it).

I'd agree with other posters though, your mental health issues won't be sorted by having a baby, it's more likely that they will be made worse - while it's is a wonderful thing to do the amount of stress it puts on every part of your life is huge and if any part of your life is fragile then it will show the effects.

Scottie_dog

Please try more counselling before trying to conceive. Trying for a baby can be mentally draining. Sometimes things don't go to plan, and then what?
We have been together 10 years, started trying for a baby 5 years ago, sadly with no success. We planned for a family, bought a bigger house, he even bought me a bigger car as he didn't want me driving around in my "unsafe" tiny car. (I loved my tiny car ha!)
Not being able to conceive has been the most stressful part of my life. Luckily I am mentally strong, otherwise we would never have got through this.
You need a strong relationship before you add a baby to the mix. Concentrate on your marriage for a while. Enjoy fun times with your husband. You sound like you are putting too much pressure on yourself (and him - sorry)