Rights of adult kids in family home

Lurkingtoposting17

I'm 30 and have been living at home for the past 4 years to save for a deposit (and one year to travel), should all be over soon!

Mostly it has worked because I get up earlier than parents to go gym before work and I work later than them, so if I haven't socialised of an evening I see them for 1/2 hours max. As I've reined in everything as the mortgage and house purchase goes through I've been at home more and it's been more tense.

That being said the second it nearly fell through my mum was happy to say I could stay as long as she wanted. Dad eye rolled and reluctantly agreed. :rotfl:

A lot of my friends refuse to live with parents and then wonder how they will ever save for a property in London and the surrounds. Moving home wasn't ideal for any of us but we've made it work. Moving out for a bit and coming home made me at least value their support at home.

I don't think there is too old or too young to live with family. It depends on the families needs and sometimes we need our parents and sometimes they need us. Sometimes I feel very much a child in this house; sometimes I feel like the only adult!

Im also letting my adult cousin lodge with me when I move out as she cannot live with her mum and would like the opportunity to save some money. That's what family is about!

volare11512

You are lucky you are able to live with parents, not everyone has that opportunity (see my post).

moneyistooshorttomention

Parents are indeed going to vary as to whether they want/are willing to let their adult "children" live at home. I've heard of parents that even "hit pretty low" and kick their "children" out the second they become adults and a few that don't even wait that long.

Then there's the ones that are happy to have them around indefinitely.

I think my own probably had about the same age in mind as I did - ie early 20s (though I think they expected I'd be leaving to get married - rather than moving out anyway). They are the generation now up in their 80s/90s. I recall their scarcely hidden astonishment (well - certainly my father was) when my younger brother didnt move out till late 20s (and then only because he got married) and I think they had started to get a bit "restive" wondering if he was ever going to move out and I was wondering what to think of him for still being there (but it wasnt very complimentary:rotfl:).

Elijah_Bailey

Of course there is always a flip-side to this.

My mother is 76 and still talks about how she misses having me at home taking care of everything for her. I am now a 43 year old married man.

My parents had a paying lodger (me) who did the household chores, all the DIY, the gardening and the grocery shopping.

I know they spent a lot of years bring me up but I also think they knew they had a good thing going once I reached sixteen and became useful.

DoaM

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

"I know - lets just figure out how old a lot of people are before they have children. Many of them don't have children until they are in their 30s these days - so a 34 year old that has a child will be 69 before that child reaches 35. Most people that are going to need a carer will be starting to show some signs of it by 69 and that adult 'child' will still be living with them. Cue for said 'adult' child to just land up staying put in their parents home and being a carer to them - and we kill two birds with one stone. We can save ourselves years of paying the "child" full housing benefit AND we can save ourselves paying care home fees - as that adult "child" will still be living with aged parent and we can just pressure them into being an unpaid carer. Jolly good show - now let's all have a little drinkie-poos for thinking up such a wizard wheeze. Now we can use the money saved to award ourselves a lower rate of tax to pay on high earnings.":cool:

I know you've posted that in jest, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if there's an element of truth to it. :rotfl:

Marker_2

Well after 13 odd years of living away from home I have just moved back with two children in tow. I have rented out my property in order to save for "my dreams". Fortunately my mother has enough room for us all. But the next 3 years are going to be tough, all my belongings are in storage and I have to amend my own ways and habits to fit in with her, tough but if I want to achieve my goals its like it or lump in. I have a long way til my children reach adulthood but they have both been told that they are never allowed to move out (half jokingly). Right now I can't ever imagine not waking up in a house without them there and without having their ironing and dishes to clean. Its ironic my mother has let me and the kids move in because she couldn't wait to kick me out in my teenage years. I can't imagine I will be that type of parent though, I will happily support my children and they will be free to live at home for however long they choose.

rae123

I know my mum and step-dad would have me back home in an instant but I don't know how I would cope after moving out at 18. My circumstances for moving out were due to going to a University that was 180 miles away from my family home, and I am very lucky that after finishing my degree my partner (who I met during my first year) and I have rented an apartment in the same area. I'm also really lucky that I have a partner who I can share the living costs with, as if I was renting by myself I think I would find myself in a house share.

Red-Squirrel_2

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I'd tend to agree that this is a "newish trend". It doesn't hurt to remember how things normally are though (ie were in my time). How is society ever going to improve enough to "get back to normal" if it doesn't remember what "normal" is iyswim?

There isn't really any 'normal' in that sense. You think its normal for people to move out in their twenties and buy their own place because that's what was usual for your generation.

If you go further back, is it 'normal' for women to stay living at home until they get married? Or for whole extended families to live under one roof? Or to live in accommodation owned by your employer?

Normal changes, but some of the recent changes are not good ones, adults shouldn't have to be earning an absolute fortune just to be able to fly the nest, and people in their twenties and thirties shouldn't be viewed as 'kids' and not entitled to the same rights as older adults.

Red-Squirrel_2

Lurkingtoposting17 wrote: »

I don't think there is too old or too young to live with family. It depends on the families needs and sometimes we need our parents and sometimes they need us. Sometimes I feel very much a child in this house; sometimes I feel like the only adult!

I think the difficulty is that we're now in a situation where the support of parents is needed so much that people who don't have it are at a huge disadvantage. My parents own their home and its gone up massively in value. They gave me 10K towards a deposit when I graduated and that was enough then, it wouldn't be now in most of the country. I now live in a house that's worth way more than that little flat I first bought without me earning much more, or working much harder.

People who have parents who rent, or are in social housing, or are dead, or are unsupportive, or who they don't have any contact with because they grew up in care or were brought up by grandparents etc. don't have the support you and I did.

I know what you mean about feeling like a child at home though, I swear I regress 20 years as soon as I walk in the door!

Suffolksteve1

I don't think the financial support of parents is a necessity, I'm in my mid thirties bought with a fairly large deposit that I saved for over the years, most of my friends have their own places that they also saved up for, I don't know anyone who asked or expected their parents to pay for them to buy a house, maybe people ten years younger than me expect that now but I don't consider myself or anyone else disadvantaged by not having it, if you want a nice house, or a car, or a holiday work for it and save your money, don't expect your parents or the council to provide it for you. I really don't understand the sense of entitlement.