Met someone else......

leslieknope

annandale wrote: »

Sorry but why would you assume that option one would involve the current partner spying. Why would she? Not everyone plays their entire life out on social media

exactly. and she might think "well b!!!!r him, not going to waste any more time on that cheater!" and move on with her life. not every women is desperately obsessed with their ex.

Loz01

I cant believe he started this thread in JULY, its November on Wednesday and he's still two timing both of these women. OP, grow a pair and tell the truth. These two women don't deserve to be led on like this!!!!! You cant love them both at the same time, you are just doing what you want, having your cake and eating it basically. Whatever suits you is good for you at the time. You should end it with both of them and tell them both what has happened then be on your own for a while, try and work out what a real adult relationship is. Eg, one with TRUST and communication. Jesus.

Tabbytabitha

Are you saying that you think sexism is less of a problem than racism or homophobia - and that we shouldn't be challenging people over it?

dunroving

I don't think it matters what decision the OP takes, as it will end in tears either way. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, and he is a classic "maximizer" - he will always at some point question whether he made the right decision and at some point another woman will come along and he'll be off again.

PasturesNew

As I see it (which isn't how most people view things) .... if after 10 years you'd still not moved in together and made a commitment, got engaged or married .... one of you, or both of you, were always "looking for/hoping for something better to come along".

You are where you are - and whatever you choose to do you will create problems. So just make your mind up and stick to it.

svain

PasturesNew wrote: »

As I see it (which isn't how most people view things) .... if after 10 years you'd still not moved in together and made a commitment, got engaged or married .... one of you, or both of you, were always "looking for/hoping for something better to come along"..

Wow ......!!

dogcat_2

You’ll end up losing them both.....lies are never good.

74jax

PasturesNew wrote: »

As I see it (which isn't how most people view things) .... if after 10 years you'd still not moved in together and made a commitment, got engaged or married .... one of you, or both of you, were always "looking for/hoping for something better to come along".

Eeeeeek. That was pretty much my hubby and I. I didn't think he was waiting for someone else to come along...... I wasn't.

thorsoak

Samuelsjourney wrote: »

Hi, a long term MSE follower and poster on a number of boards on this site. Posting under a new username for reasons that will become obvious. Just looking for some guidance or advice. Don't want to be "flamed" but understand some people will criticise/vent etc. using this forum as "most" posters give a balanced view/thoughts as I have tried to do when replying to requests for advice.
I'm a male in my late 40s, twice divorced, with grown up children who have left home and in there mid 20s. I've been in a long term relationship for the past 10 years though due to our location we live apart but see each other at least once a week ( the distance is not too far away but far enough that we maintained our own houses). I suppose that the passion, love has moved to friendship in some ways. My partner is generous, caring and supportive. I have been loyal (up to now) caring and enjoy her time. I suppose in some ways we have grown together. She has a demanding job, we are/ were? Planning our life from 55. Less or no work, one home etc. money and time to do more things.
Recently I spoke with a woman who I know through work but who hadn't really seen her until she was there casually dressed picking up some work stuff on her day off. She looked stunning, chatty etc. I asked for her number and we have been out together for lunch, coffee, hanging out together. She isn't aware I'm in a long term relationship and I haven't been truthful just saying that I'm on my own. To everyone looking in, it looks that way, own home, own friends etc etc.
She has a younger family (school age) and is a confident, hardworking mum who has been on her own for some time. The 10 year age gap doesn't bother her, I'm pretty fit, healthy and keep in good shape, dress well. Things have moved on, we're sleeping together and talking about our relationship/future but keeping it low level. We have agreed that I won't meet her children until some time has passed and we're confident on moving forward.
I suppose I'm at a crossroads in life. I agonise over doing the right thing, morally I feel I have let my long term partner down by starting this affair (don't know if affair is the right terminology). When I tell her which I will have too, can't continue in no mans land, it will tear our world apart.
Friends, family will be shocked. I'm growing closer to the woman I have met. Life would be very different. I know I need to act soon. My long term partner and I have plans sketched out for the next 6 months, travel etc. I suppose what I'm saying I don't know which path to take.....I feel excitement when I'm with my younger lover, she is bright, intelligent, tactile.
I'm safe, loved, cared for with long term partner but can't move away from the emotional and physical attraction I feel and have with with the woman I'm seeing.
I suppose I never thought I would be in this position that I'm cheating and completing this "high wire act". Do I take the safe option and end this new chapter in my life and continue in my safe world with a woman who I respect, admire and love ( but not love as strongly as I should), or do I end it and pursue a new relationship with a woman who takes my breath away and feels the same way about me.
As I said at the beginning I'm just looking for thoughts/advice from those who have been there or have "faced into it" I appreciate some may think I'm a "weak man". That's not the case.
Sam.

Sorry to burst your bubble - but you are a weak man. Also known as a commitment phobic opportunist.

I've known a couple of these during my lifetime (I'm in my 70s) and both have died on their own, un-mourned - albeit pretty wealthy - with their multifarious offspring all hopefully waiting for their share of the loot - which in both cases, I believe - was slurped up by the very expensive nursing homes where they ended their days.

SuperPikachu

I do not get how you can "be with somebody" for 10years and only see them once a week?

You are practically only friends anyway - with benefits I assume?

How have you managed to have this affair without either member having any suspicions? No social media? Different numbers or phones or something? No photos? It surely would have taken considerable effort on your part, or are you a pro at these things?

I do not believe you deserve either lady though and my gut instinct from reading your post is that yes you are a weak lying coward with poor morals.