Met someone else......

likelyfran

Samuelsjourney wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, it's still ongoing, can you love two women? I know I will have to make a decision. I realise my my behaviour isn't good. I realise my actions, deceit aren't good. I know what I have to do will cause hurt. I'm living two lives at the moment.........

A late 40s man with the outlook and emotional maturity of a 15 year old boy.
How sad.

PeacefulWaters

likelyfran wrote: »

I'm thinking it's classic 'manthink'.

Sexist comment.

likelyfran

DUTR wrote: »

I don't know, you can like two people very much.
When I was younger it was fun, but as I get older and set in my ways, I just see it as two lots of headache, they say in life you regret the things you didn't do.

Of course you can, maybe even 3, 4, 5 ..

But LOVE (not lust/excitement/attachment etc. etc.) involves COMMITMENT, something the OP clearly doesn't understand.

likelyfran

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Sexist comment.

So?
Are you saying that there are no general differences between men and women, perhaps ones determined by biological programming?
Or is 'sexist' now part of the thought crime list that we are all supposed to police each other over?

PeacefulWaters

likelyfran wrote: »

So?
Are you saying that there are no general differences between men and women, perhaps ones determined by biological programming?
Or is 'sexist' now part of the thought crime list that we are all supposed to police each other over?

Numerous examples of women behaving the same way.

FBaby

I guess it always start slightly innocently, then it becomes a case of not knowing which one to pick, and then it moves on to being scared to lose both often to the point when the decision feels impossible to make and so the guilty party awaits for the decision to be made for them and makes the best of the situation until the inevitable happens, usually when they finally slip up. Most of the time, it ends up with them left by both hurt and deceived people.

You should have done something about the situation much sooner OP. You are now trapped, you know it and still would rather wait for the decision to be made for you whilst continuing to deceive the two people you supposedly care much about. You know that makes you a coward. You're the one having to live with that knowledge.

consumers_revenge

you do know most of us men hitting 40 odd just buy a motorbike or a convertible sports car when we hit the mid life crisis yeah?

pearl123

How Sad. Did your long term partner deserve this?
You are not being honest with either.

jimbo747

I'm a programmer, and much to my wifes annoyance I solve everything with logic rather than emotion. This can make me appear quite cold, but also makes decisions some may find hard a lot easier.

You want/need to make a decision, but unsure what is the best course.

To me, your options are:

1) Leave long term partner
2) Finish things with new person
3) Come clean to LT partner and/or new partner and let them decide/finish things
4) Make no decision
5) Finish with both (without revealing truth)

If you leave your long term partner to be with this new woman, chances are she will turn up, 'spy' through friends, facebook etc (I'm guessing you're not on social media otherwise I doubt you'd have made it this far), and obviously this could cause problems with your new relationship, especially if they meet and its determined that you were seeing them both.
Option 1 is therefore not an option

Finishing with the new person, if she has feelings towards you as strong as you make out then finishing with her will possibly cause a situation similar to above, where she tries to contact you, find out the 'true' reason. If this doesn't happen then it will still affect your existing relationship simply by how you (sub) consciously change the way you act around your LTP, probably becoming more distant, short tempered and resentful. Option 2 is therefore not an option

Telling both of them the truth will be the hardest, and most damaging short term, probably result in ending of relationship with the new woman, almost certainly with LTP, but will allow all to move on with their lives, and depending on level of hurt, could also impact on friendships/work. Option 3 whilst is the morally correct decision, is probably too extreme when the same result could be achieved with option 5

Making no decision merely delays the inevitable, and the lying, hiding will take its toll on you and your relationships. Eventually one, and thefore both will find our, leaving you worse off than if you had gone with option 3. Option 4 can therefore no longer continue, and is the worst option to you available.

Finishing with both will avoid both of the situations above, in the longer term cause less harm to them. You do not need to give the 'true' reason, however failing to do so may mean one or both try to reignite things later, and with your weak will you would probably let them back in and merely delay what could happen in option 1 or 2. However, moving away, changing jobs in the mean time, in effect starting again may mitigate the chance of that.

So to recap, options 1 and 2 could both lead to the worst points of option 3. You don't seem like an option 3 sort of person, so that is out.

Option 4 is your easy route, do nothing, but again it is inevitable that this will lead to the worst points of options 1,2 and 3, with absolutely no chance in future of being forgiven.

On the above, the logical option is therefore to choose 5.

annandale

Sorry but why would you assume that option one would involve the current partner spying. Why would she? Not everyone plays their entire life out on social media