KonMari 2017 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

GreyQueen

Ooof, that took longer than I thought it would but, in fairness, I did go wandering around the city chatting at least three groups of pals in their shops (chazzer, antique and greengrocer) for a while this aft.

Have now got all the sewing bits disciplined and orderly. I have also turfed out a couple of rolls of ribbon. Some of those innocuous things which carry baggage from the past; they were a gift from someone I thought of as a friend, but who chose to cut me out of their life with no warning because I once suggested a variation on a plan (an outrage I know).

I wasn't well enough to make a 50 mile round drive to her house, suggested a compromise, she counter-suggested with a 30 mile round trip, I suggested a postponement until I felt better and that was the end of that 'friendship'.:rotfl:

Read a book which described the kind of behaviour you get in extreme narcissists and had a LBM - her! ......... anyway, I digress. I've had these things for over 20 years, never used them, the come to light now and again and stir up unwelcome memories and it's time they went to the chazzer.

MMF007

kittie, you are a human whirlwind! No, I'm a Libran, that's why I take ages to make my mind up, weighing up the options before any decision. Believe me though, when I do decide I am unshakable:rotfl:

GQ, I absolutely know where you are coming from with the things that stir up bad memories. I have [STRIKE]binned[/STRIKE] released a few items during this KM journey, and one 'friend' has gone too! Why engage with things or people who upset you or cause insoluable problems? There is no need (except at work, and even those I chucked up when I flounced out last year :beer:).

Thanks to an earlier KM visitation on my fridge and freezer I have been able to fit 2 pans of soup, 2 large 'no-lasagnes', some whipped cream (love low carbing:D), and 6 chicken and sausagemeat stuffing 'swiss rolls' into cold storage. Phew.

So have done the resultant pile of washing up and am sat down now. I can guarantee that DH will stroll in any time now and assume i have been sat round all day :mad:

Knicks knacks can wait till tomorrow, unless Kittie makes her way here?!

maryb

There was a thread a few months back about narcissist family members and that was a massive massive LBM for me. I'm still processing some of the emotions it brought up but I have KM'd a huge amount of
worthless-feeling that was a lifelong legacy. And that has led to me deciding that other physical stuff no longer fits in my life. Because I bought it for the person who I was trying to be - when I could have been myself.

I know MK has examples of people getting rid of things that no longer bring them joy then making big changes in their lives as a result but for me it is working the other way around with the physical decluttering following the mental and emotional.

GreyQueen

However it works for you, maryb.

With my former 'friend', I realised that my not being well enough to make a long drive on a particular day (she knew I had ME btw) was the first time that I hadn't fallen in with whatever she'd got planned without a murmur.

Her hubbie was a s/e contractor (she didn't work outside the home) and could easily drop her at mine for a couple of hours and pick her up on the way back. That was my hideous alternative suggestion.

Instead, she said I could meet her at X place (about ten miles from her home and fifteen from mine). I repeated that I really wasn't well, it would be criminally irresponsible for me to drive anywhere in my state, and pffftt!!! that was that, complete and utter radio silence forever.

She was an interesting woman, with many virtues and some vices (normal, in other words) but, in the end, it was all about her and gawdelpya if she wasn't the centre of attention and getting her own way 100% of the time.

MMF007

maryb, that's a massive achievement. I applaud you wholeheartedly:T:T:T
People who have never experienced it have little idea how much mental suffering lasts and lasts and that it is so hard to break away.
You, my dear, are a winner!

luxor4t

Yesterday I bit the bullet and kondo'ed three small bits of furniture to the CS, along with some packaging and a handful of books.
Two bags of clothing went to the recycling centre.

I have major surgery coming up at the start of December and want to get the house clearer and do the Christmas prep before I go in - this was the start.

I think have just about finished the present shopping. For the first year my kids won't be getting stockings, but as they are all over 25 I think they will survive

[Deleted User]

Maryb, we`re proud of you :grouphug:

luxor, it will be over before you know it, heart surgery laid my friend low for a long time, she despaired at times because recovery is long and slow, she is fighting fit now and so energetic and well

I think a big reason for me moving is also a kondo, I don`t want to be the one who does everything, who thinks of everything for our small management co, which I also run. I sometimes feel the energy sucked out of me and want to be entirely encircled by my own enterprise, responsible for myself and not for the others

Anyway, I am getting shut of the two bags/baskets of clutter as soon as, leaving at 7.40. No more KM today but will be cycling. Loved it yesterday, passing a swan family and nothing but nature and the wind. I will see cyclists today and maybe some walkers and am going to extend my ride along a canal bank

I am having to re-think clothing, not wanting to buy/make any more. I have a few good thin woollen tops and need to actually save them for best. I can make do fine with the other stuff, layered. Aim is to use and re-use until spring

maryb

Thank you all so much. That thread was like therapy for me and it set me researching. So much became clear

Grey Queen your friend’s treatment of you was dreadful and I can, quite literally, imagine how you must have felt. But narcissists often end up with no long term friends. It’s never their fault of course. But now I know the signs it’s a big flashing light

GreyQueen

I was baffled and hurt by her behaviour at the time but chalked it up to experience. On reflection, her conduct had caused a great deal of personal unhappiness in her life including estrangement from one of her children and their spouse, so she was reaping what she sowed.

Having had a brushing up against a narcissistic personality but not having had the misfortune to be closely related/ in a relationship with one, is a blessing as you learn to recognise the type and give them a body-swerve in the future. For me, one of the joys of ageing is that you're encountering some things for the dozenth time and you don't get suckered so easily. I always jest that I don't keep making the same stupid mistakes all the time, I make completely fresh ones.;)

Today has dawned sunny and clear. I will aim to be on the allotment mid/ late morning, to benefit from the warmest part of the day and to have let the dew dry off. I have loose plans to meet an allotmenteering pal for flask tea and chatter and, possibly, a little scrabbling around on his allotment, if it all comes to pass. Arrangements are deliberately flexible, pal has close relation in the hospital and may be called away at short notice.

In conversation with Mum last night, I mentioned that I had found some more skinny bungee cords but they are in three lengths (salvaged from other bags or garments) would they still serve her purpose if knotted together? They would. Said purpose being to secure a bin liner around the top of her tall skinny oval kitchen bin, the current cord has mostly perished. I will fish them out of the stores and put them in the wally-trolley which goes with me when I travel. She struggles with the current cord once or twice a week when the liner is changed, so this will be a little helping hand.

I was thinking of stored things of the sewing/ crafty nature whilst pulling my little treasures around. About how, if we haven't got some sensible system for organising them, they're virtually useless. You get to thinking; I'm sure I have some 1 cm wide black elastic but it's not where I thought it was and it's going to take ages to find it, I'm passing the sewing shop later today anyway, I'll just get some more.

Until your own elastic eventually dies in storage and has to be binned when you do find it. Sometimes, there's not a huge amount of money being wasted but the waste of resources is deeply offensive to me as a greenie eco sort of person.:o

oceanspirit

Shhh,, don't tell GQ but we're planning a bonfire at the new place later as the weeds and prunings should now be dry enough.

Thanks to GQ's advice, we're having it on the veg patch so all the goodness can go into the soil over the winter ready for the growing season next year.

We kondoed some more paper yesterday and had a good conversation this morning about plans moving forward. We'll also be kondoing more stuff at the new place whilst the bonnie is burning.

Narcissism is horrible for the person living it and horrible for the victims. These people are often described as evil and I can quite understand why victims feel that way, however in my view they are not, they are very emotionally traumatised and it is a form of mental illness.

Unfortunately from what I have read it is rarely reversible/curable for the narcissistic person but at least those of us who have been lifetime victims and come to realise that we are victims have a chance of recovery and living our true lives.

Thanks to maryb and MMF007, I realised last night that despite the constant attempts of the two narcs in my life (I learned all about it just over a year ago), they have not crushed my spirit and also that I must have a certain inner strength to have got this far without them totally destroying me. I have lived "small" throughout my life and with OH's support I am working on healing and getting on with being me.

Previously I fought against them as I didn't understand the game they were playing and had no knowledge of the rules. Now I know the rules I can play the game strategically and disarm them so they can no longer hurt me. I do feel compassion for them as they are just as much victims as I. But I cannot heal them so I keep them at arm's length and if I find I am unable to cope with that once I have completed my healing journey, then they shall be Kondoed! One of them is giving me the silent treatment at the moment anyway which is very helpful.

So, a big thank you again to mary and MMF for your posts which led me to having a LBM which has given me a badly needed confidence boost.