The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

jamanda

Oh Burtha -


My ex did the same - 3-4 holidays abroad each year, couldn't pay anything towards kids - designer clothes, etc. etc.


Daughter in the same position now. Divorce done, but house been up for sale for months, building society getting antsy and she has nowhere to go when she is put out. Even if/when she gets money from the house sale, it isn't enough to get anywhere else.


My heart goes out to you. Keep going, you'll be happy again one day even if it seems unbearable now.


Jane

camelot1001

Hold on burtha, you've hit the bottom, the only way is up. My heart goes out to you and your family.

monnagran

burtha love, what you are going through is unspeakable. A lesser person would have collapsed long before this.
I'm not going to tell you to be strong, you've long passed that point. Just take any moment you can to look after yourself. You are very special you know.

Everyone......

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice.

pollyanna_26

burtha I'm so sorry to hear things are so bad . Please try not to cut yourself off from others . I did that when trying to deal with the toxic ex and it made me worse . Family and friends would have helped so much and I was too locked in getting through I kept quiet .
I had a breakdown once things were sorted as a result .


I'm not sure if you claim any benefits . There has to be some help financially . You can't face another winter with the condition the house is in . You are ill and need heat and hot water . It shouldn't be like this .
If you haven't already try to find help . I don't know if you contacted Gingerbread and other advice services I mentioned a long time ago but you need to speak to someone . 3mw can't swan around paying nothing especially for his offspring .


Please don't isolate yourself . I'm sorry your dd is still struggling . Are CMHT or any others helping her .


Take care love and keep talking .


The worst of all Karma has been heading towards 3mw and I'm sure I've not been the only one doing so . xxx




Hope to catch up at the weekend . Haven't posted lately . Too much going on .


Take care all .


love polly x

candygirl

Sending love, huggles n prayers BURTHA :A Your Ex has got it coming to him, big time:mad:

Softstuff

Sending love and hugs to you Burtha. And a heap of uncharitable thoughts to your ex. What gets into some men is a complete mystery to me.

I feel the same as Pollyanna, you must be able to claim something in this situation. Is citizens advice any use? (I've not been in the country for so long I don't know).

nursemaggie

Burtha I'm sure CAB would be good. The problem is they are overloaded with people having problems with universal credit.

I would recommend looking on the forum board on benefits.

You sound as if the house has become unfit for habitation. You may find someone at your local council who can help. They all have welfare departments who will also do battle with other council departments.

We are all still behind you, hugs from me.

pollyanna_26

burtha I've been thinking . It would help if you could clarify if there is a an order in place either through the courts or child support .
It's a long time since you posted about what was happening so not sure .
If you are on any benefits have you tried Turn2us or one of the other online advice agencies ? That site can do a full benefits check and also point you to any grants that may be available .


Gingerbread have a lot of advice on child support and will also advise on your own financial situation .


It's worth trying Freecycle and similar sites re the washing machine and cooker . I'd think the washing machine is no1 priority . No hot water and not much heat is a nightmare when having to wash and dry laundry - been there years ago so understand .


I remember you have a microwave so maybe a worktop oven would do for now . It depends if you can find both on a free site and someone will help collect the washer .


The other thing is a budgeting loan if you receive benefits which could pay for them from somewhere like BHF and similar charity shops .
I'd see if you can find another way if possible rather than the loan as it's more to pay back .


Meanwhile talk to your friends in both real life and here . I'm sure you will have had some Beautiful South playing over the years in the club . When I heard " You keep it all in " back in 1989 it resonated . I'd kept it all in and it was the worst thing to do .


Strength and gentle hugs .
polly xxx

Nargleblast

Burtha make sure your solicitor knows the full extent of how bad things are at home for you and the kids, a judge looking at your divorce case would not be impressed comparing your circumstances with the life of luxury your soon-to-be-ex is living. You say things are moving on and slowly heading towards finalisation, hold on to that thought, that it will soon be over, tw@tface will be properly out of your life and you and the kids can start again. Don't be stupid and push people away, you need to grab any and every bit of help you can get. Don't allow yourself to crumble when you are so close to getting things sorted. We are all with you in this, things will work out, you just have to believe that.

silvasava

Burtha - so much good advice from people who care about you and your family so I'm just sending virtual hugs to you all.
I think I need to get those long pins out for 3mw...........:mad::mad: