The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

burtha

Hi all, not quite dancing on the tables last night , but it was fun, the photos look like I was pie eyed ,but not a alcoholic drink till i came home , ... nice catch up with good friends ..
must admit to feeling nervous/sick when I was getting ready , my smart/casual dress made me look a dam more confident than I was ... kick !!! on the outside but crumbling inside .... but new steps in the right direction ... even with the biggest heals I have worn in a long time
So yesterday I seamed to achieved something, swallowed my pride and asked for help ,practical stuff really .. just hate having to ask but needs must, if I am getting through this I need to ...thank god I have good people around me , the kids I can manage whatever they throw at me , the house is going to wear me out , and obviously the ex isn't going to do anything ,even though the kids are here ...
So plans in place , people on call .. don't know why asking for help is so hard ...

so today , ex took ds to football .... :T didn't really give him a choice , same as yesterday kept passing things on to him regarding kids , if the new gf isn't keen on children ..sad ... its his weekend off , he has children they should come first .... hope I have upset there plans .... sad thing is the kids have realised quickly that Dad has to rush off ..... and kids are getting stronger .

Other wise ran 2 mile walked 3 today , washed 4 loads , beds still to do but going away tomorrow , so really should pack ....
its about a 5 hour drive , bit nervous as it's been a while since I have drove that distance , but will take my time and have an adventure
don't know if any Internet is available where we are going so that should be fun with 2 teenage kids :rotfl:
but so need to escape to nothing going on and very little contact with anyone else ... beach, simple meals , chill, kids that need to be kids again .
x

camelot1001

Fantastic house softsuff, I'm suitably envious!

Sounds like a lovely lunch . I was at a wedding on Friday and really struggled to eat a 4 course meal, I passed on the soup and could only manage one spoonful of pudding - didn't pass on the wine though!

Hope you managed to have a good night burtha.

greenbee

Softstuff wrote: »

Greenbee, it's take 2 1/2 years to get to this point here! Though I have to say, it isn't as though we've only done those 2 rooms and nothing else has been touched, it's just that they're still the only finished rooms. So, if I was staying to help out, I'd be a long term lodger!

That's fine by me

I've been here for 4 years and still have the whole of downstairs and quite a bit of the garden to go. I really do need to call builders and tree surgeons next week and get things moving again. My mum has offered to swap houses with me when building work starts again so it doesn't impact so much on work. And I now have a cleaner so she can help me pack up and keep the dust under control while the work is done. But I still can't quite bring myself to commit!

karcher

burtha wrote: »

Hi all, not quite dancing on the tables last night , but it was fun, the photos look like I was pie eyed ,but not a alcoholic drink till i came home , ... nice catch up with good friends ..
must admit to feeling nervous/sick when I was getting ready , my smart/casual dress made me look a dam more confident than I was ... kick !!! on the outside but crumbling inside .... but new steps in the right direction ... even with the biggest heals I have worn in a long time
So yesterday I seamed to achieved something, swallowed my pride and asked for help ,practical stuff really .. just hate having to ask but needs must, if I am getting through this I need to ...thank god I have good people around me , the kids I can manage whatever they throw at me , the house is going to wear me out , and obviously the ex isn't going to do anything ,even though the kids are here ...
So plans in place , people on call .. don't know why asking for help is so hard ...

so today , ex took ds to football .... :T didn't really give him a choice , same as yesterday kept passing things on to him regarding kids , if the new gf isn't keen on children ..sad ... its his weekend off , he has children they should come first .... hope I have upset there plans .... sad thing is the kids have realised quickly that Dad has to rush off ..... and kids are getting stronger .

Other wise ran 2 mile walked 3 today , washed 4 loads , beds still to do but going away tomorrow , so really should pack ....
its about a 5 hour drive , bit nervous as it's been a while since I have drove that distance , but will take my time and have an adventure
don't know if any Internet is available where we are going so that should be fun with 2 teenage kids :rotfl:
but so need to escape to nothing going on and very little contact with anyone else ... beach, simple meals , chill, kids that need to be kids again .
x

Burtha...you are a credit to yourself and your kids ...

.....whilst your ex OH is an a.r$e and I have no doubt he will rue the day sooner rather than later!

I'm glad you have so much RL support and it's heartening to know people care and want to help whilst clearly condemning the ex as much as us Fencers do.

I hope you have a fantastic break away with the kids...re the drive, just take your time and don't let it phase you: after all you are going through, the drive will be water off a ducks back.

Have fun, try to relax and in my eyes you deserve a bloody medal xx

Floss

Burtha stop every hour for a leg-stretch & to have a break so the journey doesn't overwhelm. I drove in hour-stints from Warrington to Weymouth with 2 teenage boys in summer 2000 and then from Warrington to Inverness later that year without killing myself or either of them!

monnagran

burtha: well done that girl! Isn't it great to realise that there is still a world out there and friends are still friends, eventually food will taste good again, you will be able to laugh and moments of happiness will creep up on you.

The reason you hate accepting help is because you have always been the strong one who GAVE the help. Feeling weak and vulnerable is a new experience for you and you're not quite sure how to deal with it. It makes you feel almost ashamed and embarrassed to admit it. Am I right?
Don't worry. It's just another thing that will pass in time. Promise.

Now go off and put your feet up for a while. The kids will be fine and it will do them good to be out of the emotional hothouse for a while as well.
Hope you can just be. Lots of rest and mindless pleasurable pastimes.

x

burtha

True Monna ,
Even though I know he has done this , it's in my head that I have failed, let people down , kids, family ..
Silly , I know ...
So yes asking for help is so hard .. and so not me ...
Horrid , when the world is turned upside down , you question everything that's being said , from day 1 of your relationship , ... so let down , ..
but have no choice but to move forward .. nothing will stop me from protecting the children , build a new life , fight for what is mine / ours ...
look like a swan ... paddling faster than a one legged duck
x

ivyleaf

Sending huge hugs to you burtha. You're doing brilliantly. I know from my own experience in different circs how difficult it is to admit you need help, but people are so pleased to be able to give it I hope you have a lovely break xx

Greenbee How kind of your mum :A

I hope to get some sort of waterproofing spray today for my rainjacket. I've tried washing it in the recommended "technical" washing liquid but I'm still getting chilly and damp across the back of the shoulders if I wear it in the rain. It's a Goretex one too There's an outdoor shop at Bluewater so I'll ask OH to take me over there (I should add that the jacket is several years old, not a new one!)

mardatha

Still reading along if not talking a lot. Nights drawing in and was 7C this morning. Getting stuck into the knitting here. Had a few good days out on the bike but that cold wind has been here the whole summer, that and sudden heavy showers.

[Deleted User]

NOT YOUR FAULT BURTHA! your priorities when it happened were so very rightly concentrated on your child and her problems, the most horrendous and emotionally destructive decision anyone ever has to make and you as Mum felt it equally keenly but twice over for a child of yours and a child of hers, so very much NOT your fault whatever your Ex. might put into the melting pot as a reason to excuse his own wayward behaviour. If he can blame you in his head then his 'world' is sheltered from criticism and he can justify his actions and feel he was righteously justified in what he did when he walked away from wife, home and family.....not so the rest of the world and your online family here, we see right through that and see him in the cold light of day as a callous opportunist walking away from the most difficult situation you've ever faced and leaving ALL of you to cope with the aftermath and the results of his selfish decision almost without a backwards glance. Oh NO my poppet, most definitely NOT your fault!

Take the help, you've earned it over the years and people will be really wanting to give it at a time when you really need to be embraced by your family and friends, part of that warmth of feeling and support that comes with the willingness of others to give, enjoy your break away and we'll see you here when you're back xxx.