The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

LameWolf

I sympathise with those who are getting eaten alive by midges and mozzies; something, I don't know what, bit me on the face over a week ago, and it's still red and really itchy. I actually felt the bite; thought no more of it (I was mowing the back lawn at he time) but when I went in to clean up, there was blood on my face. :eek:


*Whinge alert - feel free to skip*
I'm having some really nasty, nasty flashbacks the last couple of days; I went through some serious !!!!!! as a child, and I find I'm "re-living" stuff that happened to me 50 years ago, and it's really very distressing; I lie awake all night with all this rubbish just going round and round in my head.

Mr LW knows I get these, but he doesn't know how bad it is just now, or that, sat in the bath this morning, I kept thinking how easy it would be to lie face-down in the water and just breathe in....

I don't want to tell him as he has health issues of his own at present (GP appointment tomorrow morning, finally) and I don't want to worry him.
Sorry to moan - as you all know, it helps to write it down at times.


OK whinge over, you can come out from behind the sofa now.


FPK I hope you can get some definitive answers soon; I think not knowing exactly what's going on makes it so much worse, as your imagination can run riot.


Silva enjoy your holiday; to be honest, I wouldn't worry too much about catching up with absolutely everything on here afterwards, you know how quick this thread can move.

Floss

Lame Wolf have a virtual hug xx. Is there any organisation that has email / live online "chat" support that you could access, to help reduce the impact of those flashbacks?

Islandmaid

Lamewolf Huge hugs x I wish it was in person, you and others in your position are so strong it amazes me. Talk to Mr LW when you are ready x Thinking of you x

LameWolf

Floss wrote: »

Lame Wolf have a virtual hug xx. Is there any organisation that has email / live online "chat" support that you could access, to help reduce the impact of those flashbacks?

Unfortunately, there isn't anything that would help; I just have to keep my mind firmly occupied to block it all out.

I've tried counselling many times over the years, and in fact found it made matters worse, so I have resolved not to put myself through that again.

It'll be better when Honey arrives for her holiday, I'm sure.

nursemaggie

LW there is someone to talk to "Samaritans" You don' have to be suicidal, they will call you back, you can even go to their office and talk to someone if you want.



I am struggling with getting contents insurance. even though DS has moved out and taken away a large part of the contents, I have nothing but my dresser that is worth anything, the average quote is 66% more than last year.



The policy I have had for the last 9 years is not on any of the comparison websites or brokers. I am being offer less cover for the 66% increase. The excesses are 4 times the cost of the policy so I am wondering if it is worth having a policy at all. I have looked at 4 comparison sites and it has taken me over 4 hours what ever happened to their a few minutes.



DS will get better cover for a bigger flat and has more expensive contents than mine.



I am nearly a mile away from the river which is a tiny little trickle smaller than most streams and is up hill all the way from the river.



I have missed wishing Silva a happy holiday. I estimate there will be at least 30 pages to catch up on when she gets back going buy the rate we have all been posting this last two months. Of course I would read back as I don't want to miss anything.

LameWolf

NM yes I know about Samaritans - but thank you for taking the bother. I have on occasion used their email service (I am telephone-phobic so can't phone them); but this is really something they cannot help with, I simply have to get my brain under firmer control. I would be far too uncomfortable to speak to someone face-to-face; that's partly why counselling was such a dismal failure for me.

mardatha

I think life is a fight, from beginning to end. And we have no option but to go the full ten rounds. When things are dire with me I try my best to either keep quiet and hide in a corner, or else find somebody who is down and try to lift them up- that in turn lifts me. The best way of helping yourself is to help somebody else - an old saying!

monnagran

LameWolf. It would be stupid of me to even pretend to understand what you go through. When these things happen in childhood and by people who should be there to protect us, the effects must be cataclysmic and eternal. It all becomes part of who you are, it's not something that can be ignored or forgotten.
I have tried very hard to imagine how you must feel but my mind just hits the buffers. It simply won't go there. Sorry.

However, I do know how when something devastating happens that completely shatters your world, it revolves around in your head like a never ending tape loop. I suppose that is a pale imitation of what you suffer every day but its the nearest I can get.
No amount of counselling and therapy can undo what has happened. Perhaps your best bet is to be your own best friend and when the flashbacks and memories start say to yourself, " It's OK my darling, I will love you and kiss it better." Self love is a powerful healer.

If I, a complete stranger, can want so passionately to take some of your pain away, do you think that, with enough love, you could do it for yourself?

I'll shut up now before I cause any harm.

FairyPrincessk

Lamewolf I'm thinking of you. I think when you feel able that Mr Lamewolf would want to know, even if he can't fix things. All of your stories of him talk about what a great team the two of you are, and just as you're worried about overburdening him he wouldn't want you to feel alone.

In the mean time, do you have any good escape activities? Films, books, tv? The Brideshead Revisited film is on the BBC iplayer at the moment. Maybe not your cup of tea, but thought I'd mention it.

You're such a lovely, wonderful person.x

Hard_Up_Hester

I have a bin, an imaginary bin with a lid that locks shut when it's twisted.
I dump all the carp that goes round and round in my head, including flashbacks in the bin and fasten the lid on tight. Sometimes things crawl out the bin and I just have to keep ramming them back in.
Hugs LW, I hope things get better soon.