The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

karcher

burtha wrote: »

Think I will stay with the dainty sandwich , not the calf's head thanks :eek:
Today was hard work , dd not happy , teatime received a text from him , saying he was busy looking for a new car so would she them for 5 mins on Monday night if she wants .... wow
breaks down about how we have to move before Christmas as it's stressful enough after that because of exams ... All I could say was we will not be homeless and not to worry I will sort it , somehow ...
Then spent the rest of the afternoon driving around looking for housing for sale , then photos of said house on the net , hopefully it's put her mind at rest ...
Not mine to be honest , Christ it's scary

sorry to sound off on here , but just want to scream , .. trying to be normal ,do the running around with kids , football , keep dd from loosing the plot .. when there is nothing normal about this ...

and he's worried about finding a car !!!
A javelin in his foot would be to nice ... may have to aim a bit higher ....

hey ho
x

A new car? A new fleckin car :mad:

Burtha, I am so sorry 'he' is putting you through this. What planet is he on? A new car is more important than his children :mad::mad:

Please do not rush the house sale or buying a new one. Give yourself time to absorb the current situation and only agree to sell when the time is right for you...sorry but it would be a big mistake to rush things whilst you are in such turmoil...

Your daughter needs time and love and security which I know you will give her in bucket fulls so do not let that waste of space dictate the timeline...look after you and your children.

He has had time (clearly) to get it all sorted how things will pan out for him :mad: whereas you and the kids have been struck by a bolt out of the blue...he wants his cake and to eat it...but YOU Burtha, YOU and the children are far more important than his new bloody car or what he thinks should happen as and when he decides.


Please I urge you, slow down, support and love your dd and her siblings, then once you have had time for the initial shock to sink in, only then consider looking for your new home for you and the kids. xxxx

ETA sorry if I sound irate..it's because I am on your behalf and I would hate you to make big decisions now when everything is so raw, then regret it later. Your instinct is to protect your dd and other children and to stop seeing them hurting as soon as possible, but please don't make any hasty decisions.

Apologies if I'm overstepping the mark but I feel very strongly that you shouldn't let him dictate your future.

Sorry:o

Take care xxx

Islandmaid

Burtha what an A-rse and that me at my most polite Grrr... ((Hugs))

greenbee

Burtha - just a thought, but have you spoken to your solicitor about redoing your will and any power of attorney to remove your soon-to-be ex? And also update a thing relating to guardianship of kids if relevant (sounds like your dd would be better off with her siblings than her dad). I know it might seem early days, but knowing your health situation (and that accidents happen) I think it's something you should consider.

Oh ... And if he has a shotgun/firearms cert you might want to inform your firearms officer that he is no longer resident at your address. Especially if he happens to have left keys behind and none of you have a cert. after all, that would onl be the actions of a responsible citizen

pollyanna_26

burtha I favour the stapler option myself . Sorry today has been so hard . I can see you are struggling which is normal . It begins with faking it until you're making it which is necessary at first just to get through each day . One day you will find you aren't faking anymore but really are moving forward . It happened to me and I'm sure many here too .
Meanwhile have you asked the children if Dad and his 5 minutes make them feel better or worse?
I would be careful but he seems to be leaving pain in his wake for the sake of a brief visit.
I know nothing of the " woman " but it sounds as though she could have him on a tagging system . See if you can spot something on his ankle
All you can do is talk to the younger ones and also the grown ones to get some feedback . None of them can have back what they've lost but what would help them now?
I hope you get some decent sleep tonight and send love to you all .
Good news about your daughters scan .
polly xxx

pollyanna_26

We all seemed to have started replying at once .

burtha Lots of good points from everyone .
Meanwhile after mentioning Gingerbread a few days ago I've looked at their website .
Under the family heading are lots of different information sheets you can click on . Also various sections on the things you will need to know from Benefits ( I know you said you aren't eligible at the moment but it's worth getting up to date now on future possibilities ) to child arrangements and various other aspects of marriage breakdown . In the family section there is information on taking care of yourself and I urge you to read and remember that . I didn't do it back in the 80s but how I wish I had .
If you have a printer you can print off those pdfs and keep them together .
Don't spend tonight doing anything other than getting some rest .
When gingerbread were helping me all those years ago it was either letters or landline calls .
The wonder of the web is this site and also all that information online at our fingertips . You can speak to them on the landline too but the guides are a good start to sorting your thoughts .
pollyxx

FairyPrincessk

Burtha, big hugs and some dainty sandwiches coming your way.

You're right. You won't be homeless. You will get through this. It will be tough, but there isn't anything insurmountable here. Your DD will get through it too. She really will. It is scary, but trust yourself.xx

Hollyharvey

burtha wrote: »

Think I will stay with the dainty sandwich , not the calf's head thanks :eek:
Today was hard work , dd not happy , teatime received a text from him , saying he was busy looking for a new car so would she them for 5 mins on Monday night if she wants .... wow
breaks down about how we have to move before Christmas as it's stressful enough after that because of exams ... All I could say was we will not be homeless and not to worry I will sort it , somehow ...
Then spent the rest of the afternoon driving around looking for housing for sale , then photos of said house on the net , hopefully it's put her mind at rest ...
Not mine to be honest , Christ it's scary

sorry to sound off on here , but just want to scream , .. trying to be normal ,do the running around with kids , football , keep dd from loosing the plot .. when there is nothing normal about this ...

and he's worried about finding a car !!!
A javelin in his foot would be to nice ... may have to aim a bit higher ....

hey ho
x

Burtha I'm not surprised that you want to scream, and it is a scary situation for you.
He is a right a*se, someone who can make buying a car over his own children says it all.

burtha

Well she hasn't replied to his offer , we have spent the night ( just finished) ,making chocolate brownies ...
Music on loud and a glass of wine in hand ,
Not the answer really , but a temporary fix .. For tonight
Keep going for tomorrow , football then somewhere else , where ever they want to go ...
Anywhere for a few hours .
Will have more conversations with them about what they want from him then, at the minute she doesn't want to see him , it's just so *****
Talked tonight about going to look at a few houses , so they can see what we may end up with , ... he is not going to get what he wants ref money , will be intresting to see what his response to the divorce is ...
Will have to sort my will out ASAP , put things in place . At the minute my headaches are the same as always ... but need to get things watertight .
X

monnagran

Bigjenny wrote: »

FPK if you Google Mrs Beeton's Collared Calf's Head the recipe comes up.

Gosh, thanks for that Bigjenny, just in time, I was tossing up between sausages and pork chops tomorrow but Calf's Head sounds just the ticket.

burtha, I wish that I could say I was surprised at pigface's attitude, but its very much what I expected. You can knock yourself out looking after everybody, keeping the show on the road and trying to keep the children on an even keel. He will spend his time making sure that everything is hunky dory for himself.

Can I plead with you to listen to what Karcher is saying. You are not you at the moment and are in no emotional state to be making life changing decisions about housing or anything else. I know that you want everything settled and to be out of the situation you are in, but please, please, please don't rush madly into something that you can't undo.
I can understand that Pigface wants everything sorted out by yesterday but you don't have to do that.

Give yourself a treat or two. I know that you can't find enjoyment anywhere but please try to spoil yourself in little ways.

Can I come to the picnic please? I'll wear my long dress. Oh, all right, it may look like a nightie but it's the best I can do. I'll bring a chair if you don't mind 'cos if I sit on the ground I may never get up again. I'm assuming we'll be drinking from bone China cups. I do hope so because I've been practising sticking my little finger out. I'm not 'arf posh.

I'm also tired so will say goodnight and see you tomorrow.

Hope you get some sleep burtha.

x

MMF007

Oh yes, a picnic at Tatton Park, count me in! It's less than an hour from me. I took my friend there a few weeks ago beause she had never been. She said she thought it was just a park, in the municipal sense, so had never bothered. As some will know it is a large country estate with lakes, walks, deer, beautiful gardens AND the cafe serves really good coffee and breakfast (weirdly they don't promote the breakfast, not often found at National Trust places,* because they usually open much later in the day, but it is very good).

* National trust but run by local council so some charges apply to members (annoying!).

Relieved to report that FIL behaved himself yester, the sun shone and they had a nice outing and we just missed a massive hold up on the motorway. I may sound a bit mean but I am glad it is over, it was a time-pressure I could have done without atm. My elderly friend has roped me in to witness and sign some legal docs and somehow the arrangements are getting unnecessarily complicated and time consuming, I have 3 dental appointments this month, friends visiting next weekend, car in for service and MOT and I would really like a few days at home to get stuck into housework and decluttering!

Of course, I would gladly make time for the Fencers' picnic