The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

Islandmaid

thriftmonster wrote: »

Thank you for all the good wishes - that means so much.

It seems to be some sort of mid life crisis because if it's an affair he's not very happy :cool:

As far as I can tell he wants to live together but as friends only so he gets the emotional support from me etc but doesn't have to input anything back into the relationship. Sorry but that is not going to happen. That has been going on for ages but I have hung on in there.

But now he's called it a day, once I get past the anger and pride, I am moving forward. I'm actually a bit worried for him - we've been together and friends for nearly 30 years and he doesn't have the support network I do - he has me and his best friend who isn't currently talking to him because of this.

Sorry to vent when there are people with really ill parents and other issues. It's just been a bit of a shock.

So that he can move on in his own time, tell all his mates etc that it was mutual and you are still ‘friends’ - what a selfish *ick... if he wants more out of life, he should have said so, I am sure he is not perfect either - my ex an I split 15 years ago, I was devastated x best move he ever made, never realised how unhappy I was till he left x not that that is the way it is for all, but..... xx

Knit_Witch

Sorry to hear your news thriftmonster

monnagran

Oh thriftmonster, welcome to the place of shocks and new beginnings. There are few of us on here who haven't experienced something similar to you.

You have certainly approached the coming separation very sensibly. Perhaps because you had prior warning. A lot of us were plunged into the maelstrom out of the blue and the pain and grief knocked us sideways.

You are absolutely right to look forward to organising life on your own terms. If you are like most of us, you have spent your life so far, looking after everyone else.
Well, guess what? Now you are going to take care of you.
Perhaps for the first time ever you will be able to do what you want, when you want and how you want. You can eat what you want, when you want and if you want. And best of all you won't have to nurse someone else's ego.
It's heady stuff.
Keep posting,. We will do the journey with you.

What your nsdh has yet to realise, is that you only get out of life what you put into it.

nursemaggie

I knew someone else had been missing for a couple of months but I did not know who. I think it was the fact that you did not pop up anywhere else thriftwizard that I went that made me forget you. Seeing the missing on other threads usually prompts us to realise your missing.

I am so sorry what your nsdh has done. I am sorry to bring this up but I was wondering if life has not been a little boring or disturbing for him and he voiced his thoughts and then utterly regretted it but did not know how to take it back. I wonder if that is what he meant by still living together but not as married as he knows once said it would be difficult for you to forgive, even if he did not mean it.

Do you think some sort of counseling would help? Obviously only if he realises how hurtful what he said has been. :grouphug::grouphug:

30 years is a long time. You would not have stayed together if you did not still care for him and the same goes for him. I just suggested he has done this and does not know how to undo it. This could be why he is feeling so miserable. Some of this will have been because your kids are now at an age when if they have not already moved out they will soon. You are both going to miss them terribly. You are both at a point when you don't know what the future holds and it can be a little scary when you are alone together again.

When I stopped praying for everyone separately as the list was getting long I included, the mia, the lurkers and the occasional posters.

nursemaggie

silva I do hope that you are recovering OK now and the anti Bs are working this time. Hugs. Just take it easy and get better.

silvasava

Thanks NM - hospital gave me proper targeted anti B's and a short course of steroids should do the trick. Compared to what some of our gang are going through its a storm in a teacup.
Thriftmonster - what a shock! Hope you get some time to decide what YOU want to do and what's best for you. Hugs.

VJsmum

Oh Thriftmonster, definitely time to look after yourself.. And vent away.

Been to the crashed car recovery yard to empty the now scrapped car. . Goodness, what a sobering place that is, row upon row of horrifically crashed cars (ours was probably the least damaged but is being scrapped because of its age and is way beyond economic repair. ). Recovery guy was telling us of some which involved fatalities.

DS got a huge jolt when he saw them, no bad thing IMO.

Looking forward to a few relaxing days - apart from the 45 assignments I have to mark :eek:

Floss

VJsmum we drove the same road today as on Saturday evening...today we passed a car "carefully" parked on its side in a ditch, that was not there on Saturday :eek:

shanks77

thriftmonster so sorry to hear your news
Silvasaver hope the AB's kick in quickly and effectively
VJ'smum glad your DS is ok .
Hope everyone else is keeping well xx

wondercollie

Thriftmonster:

Sorry to hear about the end of the marriage. It's truly a huge chunk of your life to reorganize.

My mother had a similar reaction to the end of my first marriage. Somehow it was all about her. HER daughter was an embarrassement, the shame of having the first divorcee in the family. If I didn't leave him, don't bother coming home. She literally made me chose between my family or my husband. Being young and afraid, I went through with the divorce. Luckily my father made me take the one year separation option. I will always wonder what would have happened if I'd ignored her. I met and married Mr. WC (who also knows my first husband). After the birth of our first child she told me she didn't like Mr. WC and I should have stayed with my first husband! It has upset her no end that I've somehow managed to maintain a friendship with number one and he is Godfather to my children. I will always love him BUT he is a man that should never marry. Every year on our wedding anniversary he calls to apoligize and tell me I gave him the best 8 years of his life.

My last night shift went well. Quiet, the patients behaved (I work in an inner city hospital with a high homeless population with multiple addictions)

It was -22 this morning. It's too cold to snow so there is a blessing.

I guess what I'm trying to say to Thriftmonster and Burtha is that there is life and laughter at the end of it all. It's just not what you thought it was going to be.