The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

fuddle

I just hate that people judge. We all deal with things differently, have to cope with different scenarios and have different personalities with different qualities leaning on us too.

I was very much judged. Hospital. Pneumonia. Police statements. Subsequent investigation. Coroner delays. Cleaning after ruptured duodenal ulcer bleed. I won't go into details it was horrific but the moral of my story is we were in limbo for over 3 weeks. We went away in the caravan once we had all everything arranged and dealt with. I was slated within the family for holidaying. Those very people never offered my sister and I any type of practical or emotional support in what we had to deal with at 34 and 37. Neither of us felt grown up enough and both of us needed a figure to guide us. Nothing.

People judge all the time. I still have crass words said about me from my in laws. It's hurtful if I let it but I've come to the conclusion that those that feel they need to jibe are doing so to cover their own failings and feelings.

Floss

Well said Fuddle.

chickens11

Good afternoon all , I havent been on for 6 days , just too busy this lately .......Mardather .....Did you ever go back on "sea kelp".........?...Im still on them , I was so tired and lethargic before I took them so I must carry on with them now , been taking them for 3 years .........

VJ smums ......So sorry that you are having a real bad time right now ........
Hands up whose had enough of christmas already , its the build up from October to the actual day that seem far too much for me .......Ive been out and bought my gift vouchers for everyone at Next , so they can all go in the sales and get double for their money , that way I havent spent weeks trawling the shops for gifts .......

Just got the food shopping to do this weekend ........But will not be buying many extra luxury foods than I ever buy , to me id rather save that money for a weeks holiday somewhere warm .......

We are already losing the light of day this afternoon and its only 2.30 , never mind shortest soon so thats a good sign the new year is just around the corner........

Have any of you been to " winter wonderland London "...?, if so could you tell me what its like and the price please....Many thanks ladies ...sheila

camelot1001

Nicely put fuddle.

MMF and VJsMum, you are two strong ladies, I would take my hat off to you if I had one! May the love of your families keep you going.

I've have been strangely detatched from Christmas, all the presents have been delivered and have joined in with various celebrations but the fact I am going overseas tomorrow until 6th Jan means I haven't had to do any food or drink shopping. In fact the fridge and freezer are switched off so if any of you need any space feel free!

Wishing you all the best.

karcher

VJsmum, I will wish you a happy birthday even during this very difficult time.

Those with December birthdays are often forgotten at the best of times, so I do think it's important it's acknowledged, even though you are going through so much pain.

I hope today hasn't been too tough for you xx

Camelot remind me, where are you going? Are you going alone? I do hope you have a fantastic time and I'm sure you will. I envy you, I would love to be flying off somewhere new to explore. I can't wait to hear all about it:) xx

MMF thinking of you and a tough choice about staying or going. Only you know what is right for you and your mum xx

To everyone else, I hope you are warm and happy xx

To Monna, x

VJsmum

I've written him a poem

The celebrant was lovely but wanted to 'hearts and flowers' everything up and that wasn't my dad. So i said let me have a go and if you all hate it, that's fine. i think they like it - I included his funny ways, the things he liked and some of the more.... earthy parts of him.. I'm really proud of it and it was so healing to do. It's not shakespeare - though it is in rhyming couplets...

My brother has turned dad's room (which had been the dining room) back into the dining room and all the medical stuff was gone so we can remember him in health rather than the last few difficult years. it was tough going back but healing.

So sorry to keep bleating on but it really does help to let it out.

Nargleblast

Don’t apologise, VJsmum, you have to let it all out so you can process it all and make sense of everything. Where better than the Garden Fence?

monnagran

I have been a busy little bee today. A replacement fruit cake made and the first batch of clementine marmalade. I can never make enough of that. Another batch must be made tomorrow.
I also made my first batch of slowcooker lemon curd. Wow! In the words of Craig Revel Horwood, Fab - u - lous!
The only problem was that the recipe said it would make 3 jars. I don't know what sized jars they used but mine barely made 2 not very big jars.
But its so easy that I'll make some more tomorrow.

Camelot probably won't see this but I hope she doesnt get caught up in any airport chaos. It can get a bit hairy at this time of the year.

VJsmum. A big pat on the back for sticking to what you knew was right for your Dad.I bet the poem is what everyone will remember.

We had quite a battle with the funeral directors over my dad. They were pretty horrified that we insisted on everything being the cheapest, plainest, no flowers, no cars.......
We had to explain that we were not being mean, as far as we were concerned we would have given dad the top brick off the chimney, but he, himself, would have been appalled if we had spent one unnecessary penny. In fact he would probably come back to haunt us for ever.
However the church was packed and afterwards people told us of the many acts of kindness and gerousity Dad had done for them, quite secretly and privately. We had absolutely no idea. Very humbling.

I'm hoping for a better night tonight. Millie had me up four times last night. I think the longest stretch of sleep I got was about 1x1/2 hours.

You can save your blushes K.

karcher

VJsmum wrote: »

I've written him a poem

The celebrant was lovely but wanted to 'hearts and flowers' everything up and that wasn't my dad. So i said let me have a go and if you all hate it, that's fine. i think they like it - I included his funny ways, the things he liked and some of the more.... earthy parts of him.. I'm really proud of it and it was so healing to do. It's not shakespeare - though it is in rhyming couplets...

My brother has turned dad's room (which had been the dining room) back into the dining room and all the medical stuff was gone so we can remember him in health rather than the last few difficult years. it was tough going back but healing.

So sorry to keep bleating on but it really does help to let it out.

You are sharing and I think 'we' all want to help in any way we can, that is why 'we' are here.

Seems to me what the 'Fencers' are good at is listening and trying to help.

So keep 'bleating'

I so wish I'd had the same support during my lowest times.

MMF007

Thanks everyone, just muttering on here helps me a lot. My dear SIL txtd last night to see how I was and all I could say was I am hanging on by a thread. Really, it is my poor dad and poor mum who are worse off but I needed to admit, in a controlled way, that these 4 weeks have taken their toll. Not only the hospital stuff with dad, lots and lots of driving in difficult weather conditions, mum being ill twice, requiring dashes to medics in the opposite direction, long, long days and trying desperately to be supportive to both parents and other rellies.
I had one afternoon when I was exhausted that I nearly cracked up but I need to hang in there for a little while longer, for both their sakes. The time for tears will be later.

Having said all that, if I tell you what happened today you won't believe it ....
In the room next to dad an even older gent was practising walking with a zimmer. As he got going he was singing quite loudly. Dad asked who it was and then laughed a bit, next minute he joined in with a verse of Rose Marie, complete with the yodelling. This is a man who had double pneumonia, was on 85% oxygen 3 weeks ago, and is in end stage heart failure. You've got to hand it to him!
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