The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

VJsmum

Thanks (again) all.

Luckily I am blessed with a good sense of humour and the ability to generally think well of everyone. I know those sending sympathy cards were kind to think about me enough to send them.

My OH bought me a family ticket to a music festival, probably his idea of hell. It's not till September but i love a festival and have long wanted to go to this one (Festival no, 6 in Portmeirion). I think he must love me...

greenbee

I cancelled my birthday last year VJsMum. Just didn't feel like it. I spent the day on my own and didn't open any cards - there was a bigger gap for me, so I didn't have the issue with getting sympathy cards at the same time, but it didn't feel like a birthday. I did open the present my dad had already bought me (months before) and my mum found in his wardrobe). But otherwise I ignored the whole thing.

monnagran

A quick good morning from me.

Spending today in the kitchen. One of my fruit cakes was a bit of a disaster yesterday. It usually takes 3 hours at a low temp to cook. After it had been in for 2 hours I opened the oven to slide a piece of foil over the top to stop it getting too hard and to my horror it already looked over cooked. Shoved my trusty knitting needle in and sure enough it was done.. Overdone, I fear. Can't give that as a present so I will have to make another one.

VJsmum. What a thoughtful OH. I have to agree with him about music festivals though. I would rather stick pins in my eyes.
With that in mind, let's have......

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this," to "I know. Please don't judge me."

Floss

VJsmum we've both been there - DH's birthday is 2 weeks after we buried his mum and his dad died 3 days before Christmas the same year - a week after DH's birthday; my birthday is 18 days after the date of my dad's passing, with my sons' 4 days either side of me, so we had the distractions of 3 & 5 year olds and a party to get through at the time. Maybe copy the Queen and reschedule to another date?

I didn't experience your unpleasant shared envelope phenomenon but I remember he had more sympathy cards than birthday & christmas ones put together that year.

Monna about the fast-track cake

MMF007

Oh vJsMum, the cards in the same envelope is a humdinger!

I often observe people I know and think they are more sensitive than me but even I wouldn't do that.

In fact I have taken a number of calls from friends and relatives of mum and dad, asking what they should do about xmas cards. Some of them know dad has not got long and some just know he is very poorly and so one way or another xmas won't be joyous. Our family line, after consulting mum, was that they should,d send a card as usual. If they want to avoid addressing the greeting to both parents they could just put 'with lots of love from xxx'., but we know there will be cards addressed to botheven though one may have gone by then, but I bet there will be more next year because some distant friend will not know or will forget. We have tried to tackle the possibility of 'card faux pas' by preparing for it.

Dad is, as the Doctor said, winding down. We visited yester and he is still conversing and was asking about several folk from the village but he knows his prognosis. He was told 3 weeks ago that he had a few days to live, then two weeks ago he was given 24 hours. He is annoyed that after telling him this, and him getting his head round it, he is still here. TBH, I think I'd be a bit pee'd off at that, too).

My brother is flying up again on Weds. I am supoosed to be going home on Thurs, 4 weeks after I arrived, but I am not sure I should leave mum right now. The end is nigh and I don't want her to have to deal with all on her own. I know we can do a lot online but there's still the phonecalls and just having someone by you.

Floss

MMF big hug hun. And a mince pie for sustenance xx

MMF007

Well, no need for the mince pie, but thank you very much! I took mum and 2 of her friends for lunch yester. We had a truly delishious meal in a lovely cafe / bistro, finishing with coffee, chocolate truffles and tiny mince pies
We then put our feet up for 45 mins before travelling to visit dad. We needed a break!* It did us good.
* my auntie was horrified at how callous we were., apparently :mad:

THIRZAH

Of course you need a break MMF -otherwise you won't be able to keep going.

This year I spent my birthday looking after my GS while his parents were staying at hospital with his seriously ill baby sister. It was a lonely day. We knew by then that the baby probably wouldn't survive.

Floss

MMF acquaintances of mine (no longer friends) were seemingly shocked at my callousness immediately after my dad died - but we had just had 6 weeks to get used to the fact and were almost past the grief & into gallows humour stage (tbh though that is a common thing with my family )

VJsmum

Hugs and strength MMF - of course you need a break. When we were told dad potentially had days we knew that we had to work shifts and accept that one or some of us might not be there at the end. Another hour and my sister would have been there and not me - but we were all ok with that. we were lucky because there are 5 children so shifts were possible (though not really needed in the end).

YOur mum is a priority - especially if she is ill and b0ll0cks to anyone who says different. I was going to say 'nil illegitimi carborundu' but that is quite rude to your auntie...:o