The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

pollyanna_26

burtha I was half asleep when I posted last night and missed the bit about you planning to sweep the chimney . As monna said don't even try . I hope you're keeping a list of all these events . If he doesn't get back in touch this morning in response to your message yesterday tell him you are going to apply for a court order to force the sale of the property as it's unfit to live in .
Don't be ashamed of the tears , it's healthier to let things out rather than bottle it all up . It wont diminish you in the children's eyes , they will see someone doing their best despite illness and exhaustion and still trying to fix things for her loved ones .
I was thinking last night of all the weekends you wore yourself out sorting his running stuff and packing up food for the days he did the charity runs and it makes me angry that beneath the public image was a man who doesn't care if his children are cold and can't have hot water before they head for school . Not very charitable !
If you don't hear from him in the next couple of hours make sure you put your solicitor in the picture . x

Thanks ivyleaf . DD and I are getting over this super virus slowly . I wouldn't wish it on anyone but will make an exception for burtha's OH , Karchers and anyone else hurt by a toxic person .

polly x

monnagran

In view of the viewing I have tomorrow I'm doing a swoop through the house today. My To-Do list started off....
Dust and Vac bedrooms,
Dust and Vac living room.
Vac the stairs
Vac the s of a
Clean cloakroom
....................
For the life of me I couldn't think what I had meant by the s of a, I puzzled over it until I was halfway down cleaning the stairs. You are ahead of me aren't you?

Yes......s of a = sofa.

The dog hairs needed to be removed.

When I had pulled myself together I phoned a friend to share my stupidity and she told me that a few weeks ago she shared a problem she was having with a member of her family, with another friend.
She was horrified to receive a card from this friend addressing the problem. This friend advised that, "I think she should probably see the rapist."

My friend was furious until she read it more carefully and realised that it actually read, "I think she should probably see a therapist."

Back to work. Vases of flowers and bowls of fruit to organise. All stops are being pulled out.

nursemaggie

monna you would not need to do all that for me just allow us to see the house when DS is not at work or effectively at midnight according to his sleep and work pattern. We can either visit the house that is in the right place while DS is in the middle of the busiest shift this week, (does he have to do an out of body visit.) or not at all.

He is estimated to finish at 3pm Saturday so he will just have time to get home have his tea and go to bed. They expect us to go to see the house at 1 pm on Saturday.

I have misread things like that too, though not as bad as your friend. I have misread some very funny posts on here where it has not been appropriate to share the joke.

My pain is much worse today. The holes in my gum are healing nicely it is the level of pain which seems to be at maximum.

I need bad vibes for all other viewings and good vibes for us to see it as soon as DS has another day off. next weeks rota is not ready due to needing enough in to get all the Christmas stuff to be in all the shops by Thursday. It is an extra 25000 tons above normal daily replenishment to be picked buy Wednesday. It is not yet in the warehouse. I think he could do for them all to work their rest days and do overtime every day.

A lot of them won't do that. DS only says no if he has to be somewhere on his day off.

nannywindow

Nursemaggie I am sorry that you are still in pain. When I had a large crown fitted and a back tooth removed, one week apart, my dentist gave me Colgate Sensitive Pro Relief Toothpaste. You rub it in your gums and it deadens the nerve endings. HTH

karcher

Burtha there is nothing wrong with crying in front of your children or explaining to them just how you are feeling. In the long run, I believe, it will help them to understand why mum isn't herself whilst making them feel ok about and be able to share, how they are feeling right now too.

That is my opinion anyway and advice I gave to someone recently, that the children would be less confused if they knew/had it explained why their parent was so upset.

I really hope your day hasn't been too tough and I agree with everything Polly said.. I really hope 3MW did something to help for once...though I will not hold my breath.:mad:

Again, get the house on the market at a price that will sell quickly..you are not even going to begin to recover until you move to your own home where you can be warm and cosy and surround yourself with the love of your family.

Please take good care of yourself. I do worry that you are quite literally running yourself ragged and whilst a good distraction you do need to let yourself grieve, cry, wail, sob, scream and let this nightmare run it's course.

Thinking of you..please be kind to yourself xx

burtha

Hi all,
Update on the day , came home at 3 30 to 3mw here , fire sorted and more wood although not cut is carried up to house and ready to cut , so at least fire done and safe . Do have to laugh because as soon as I get here he goes , apparently she doesn't want him here with me :rotfl:
He was coming back a few hours later with a builder , so I went out ... wait to hear what comes of that ...
held things together most of the day , could of quite easy sobbed , still could if I'm honest ... Spoke to a few friends , one who's helping me cut wood tomorrow night , one who will be there with coffee or wine and will listen and hug me , one who probably kicked me up my backside told me to stop being weak ,get my act together and start sorting ... so scared but will find the courage to do what's needed , need to stop being nice and fight back , things are going to be hard ,I get that ... but not impossible ...
so tonight the house is still cold , but better than it was , the kids are ok . I might actually go to bed tonight .... maybe only being there a hand full of times since the split .... and the running will continue , it's my thinking space and if I can run I can do anything .
And I still believe in karma ... but will just do what I need and hang on for the ride.
Thank you xx

pollyanna_26

I was hoping you'd post tonight , you've been on my mind all day . Very relieved about the fire and the wood . The weather is set to get much colder up north in the next few days so once the house is warmed again things should be easier .
I can now go to bed with an easier mind and suggest you do too . You've had a very long day . I can't stop you running as it seems important mentally for you and as a former runner I understand that . I can however remind you of how happy you were to make the bedroom yours with a comfy bed so take yourself there now and rest that tired mind and body . I agree with Karcher you need to take better care of yourself when possible .
You've come a long way since you first told us the shocking news . You've come through every day since tears or not . Each day that goes by is a day nearer to a home for you and yours with a chance to build a good life . Be proud of yourself love , we all are .
Goodnight and sleep tight .
much love polly xxx

monnagran

burtha, I am glad that at least you will be able to have a fire. I am even more glad that you are seen as a threat and that Mr 3mw can't be trusted near you. She must realise that a man who can walk out on his wife and children can even more easily walk out on a single woman.

I echo what Karcher and Polly say about the running. although if it is your salvation then go for it. I don't pretend to understand it, being one who holds to the principle, 'Never stand if you can sit. Never sit if you can lie.' Each to his own.

What is all this nonsense about bed? Sure it holds precious memories, but now it is YOURS, YOURS YOURS! It should be your haven. I don't know if you have a television up there, but it might be an idea to get a small one. A warm micrwaveable bag, or two, one for your feet and one in the small of your back. A snuggly duvet, or two if it's very cold. A book or something mindless on the box and you are in your own little world. Of course there will be tears and gut-wrenching sobs, you are still in the early stages of grief, but if you don't get proper rest you will never be able to heal. Notice I don't say 'sleep,' that will happen now and again, I can't promise when. Rest is what your poor stressed body and mind need.
Keep us posted won't you? There are all these people from all over the country rooting for you. What we are wishing for 3mw should make him very afraid.

nursemaggie. Would it be possible for you to go and see the house on your own at the appointed time? I know the decision has to be made by both of you but if you went and thought that it was what you wanted, would he trust your opinion? Or, as it is quite close to where he works, could he just ask for an hour off to make the appointment? Change his lunch hour, or offer to stay on an hour after his shift? Just a couple of suggestions because I can't bear to think of you missing out on something that sounds so suitable.
Hope the mouth starts feeling better soon, it must be so miserable.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Beginning today treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it without any thought of reward.
Your life will never be the same again. (Og Mandino)

Hard_Up_Hester

Oh Burtha, I'm so glad you have your fire working, I've been cold in the past and it's miserable, huge hugs to you.

Well I've just scared one of the neighbours, I'm sat in my reclining chair en deshabille with the curtains open so I can see my tablet, when said neighbour goes trundling past with his Elson cassette on his trolley.
Oh the shock on his face when he realised that he could see my bare feet all the way up to my ankles. This level of nudity on a boat in winter is unheard of, most of us don't even take our hats off until spring.
I waved cheerily, what else could I do in the circumstances apart from brazen it out.

Monna I'm with you with regards to exercise, I usually say I'm built for comfort rather than speed.

karcher

Burtha I didn't actually mean give up the running, I meant in general not racing around doing loads all the time iyswim.

I know how therapeutic running is and as you say it is your time and space and it does wonders for lifting the spirit if only temporarily...but running when you are not well really isn't a good idea..you need to let your body rest in order to recover.

So glad the fire is mended. Being cold can just exasperate things and it is a miserable state to be in.

Re Bed, I understand completely. I spent nearly a year not actually going to bed...I knew I wouldn't sleep if I did, so I actually feared going to bed and the thought of lying there thinking and staring at the ceiling..so I avoided my bed like the plague.

But Monna is right (as always) and your bed should be your safe haven, warm, cosy and comfy and even if you just watch tv, read or surf the net you are at least resting.

Try it for size, especially now it's cold..you may find it becomes more your home from home if that makes sense!!

I'm not sure I'm making much sense, I'm just rambling on inanely...sorry folks:o..I'll go now...