The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.

PasturesNew

GDB2222 wrote: »

What I noticed at lunch was that he had interesting and insightful things to say. It was just the small talk fillers that he clearly couldn't see the point of and therefore could not reproduce as expected. Of course, he's absolutely right that it is just a waste of hot air.

We DO have interesting and insightful things to say, but are often "rubbished" and shoo'ed away as we're not beating "the usual words"...

GDB2222 wrote: »

I'm not sure people have done him a favour by getting him to say things that don't matter at all or come naturally to him? It might be better to teach him not to care. So, he's slightly awkward in company, but don't worry about it. Everyone notices, but it's not important, and nobody cares.

I'm in the "don't care" group. I can't undo what I've said.... so I have to "not care"

Loanranger

Try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. (Other talking therapies are available)It may well help you to overcome some of your perceptions and anxieties. That can't be a bad thing, surely?

PasturesNew

Loanranger wrote: »

Try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. (Other talking therapies are available)It may well help you to overcome some of your perceptions and anxieties. That can't be a bad thing, surely?

That could take years to even get to the point where I'm disappointed

Pyxis

GDB2222 wrote: »

I've just been looking at the autistic guy's website. He is an artist - painting and ceramic. Very talented!

What I noticed at lunch was that he had interesting and insightful things to say. It was just the small talk fillers that he clearly couldn't see the point of and therefore could not reproduce as expected. Of course, he's absolutely right that it is just a waste of hot air.

I'm not sure people have done him a favour by getting him to say things that don't matter at all or come naturally to him? It might be better to teach him not to care. So, he's slightly awkward in company, but don't worry about it. Everyone notices, but it's not important, and nobody cares.

I'm no anthropologist, but I would say that small talk may have taken the place of grooming each other... you know, what monkeys and apes do, etc.

So, people who find small talk difficult might be missing out on that 'grooming' which cements a group of people together.

I find talking to a small number of people.....5 or six max....ok. But a larger group is more daunting, because the small talk tends to become 'smaller' and I find that more difficult.

GDB2222

Pyxis wrote: »

I'm no anthropologist, but I would say that small talk may have taken the place of grooming each other... you know, what monkeys and apes do, etc.

So, people who find small talk difficult might be missing out on that 'grooming' which cements a group of people together.

I find talking to a small number of people.....5 or six max....ok. But a larger group is more daunting, because the small talk tends to become 'smaller' and I find that more difficult.

He didn't appear to be checking out the people next to him for fleas, but perhaps someone has taught him to be surreptitious about it.

Edit: Whilst I'm not convinced it's worth teaching certain activities to autistic people, it's much easier to teach them that some other activities are a really bad idea! At lunch, picking your neighbour's hair over for parasites is in that category.

silvercar

PasturesNew wrote: »

And.... I don't think that's the right thing to say.

On the other hand, I don't have a clue what would be the right thing to say.

So this is where I should just go silent.

Sometimes it’ Ok to say “I really don’t know what the right thing to say is” and that can be taken two ways either there is nothing to say that can sum up everything you need to say or the responses could be so varied depending on details that you are not privy to.

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

I'm in the "don't care" group. I can't undo what I've said.... so I have to "not care"

The trouble is, PN, I think you do care. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't post things like:

PasturesNew wrote: »

And there it'd go .... another person who didn't want to be my friend.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

The trouble is, PN, I think you do care. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't post things like:

What I mean is, once it's said, that's it.

With my new found "knowledge" I'm already not posting lots of things I think of ... on MSE and FB.

Getting better at this.

If you don't know, you don't know. Once something has a name more "makes sense" and you have a peg to hang things on, so then you can start to understand.

GDB2222

I'm surprised that there are moorland and forest fires at this time of year!

Pyxis

PasturesNew wrote: »

What I mean is, once it's said, that's it.

With my new found "knowledge" I'm already not posting lots of things I think of ... on MSE and FB.

Getting better at this.

If you don't know, you don't know. Once something has a name more "makes sense" and you have a peg to hang things on, so then you can start to understand.

People would be far more accepting if they knew you had Asperger's or similiar. The trouble is, I suppose you can't preface everything you say to anyone you meet with "I have Asperger's".

However, it might be an idea to slip it into conversation, so that people know that you have difficulties with certain types of communication. :A


Either that, or as GDB says, examine their hair for nits, but maybe don't eat any you find?


By the way, so far this morning, I have watched "Shetland", an episode of "Bergerac", and made several posts on Internet forums.
Oh and a bit of "Endeavour".