The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.

PasturesNew

Pyxis wrote: »

.... slip it into conversation...

It's just a word. Although people can spell it and say it ... they don't really know what it means

They don't know how a list of potential behaviours are held by one person and how each of those behaviours will perform under certain conditions.

In any case, this bit is "a slightly separate bit", of the same bunch of things. This bit is "newly spotted/named".

It'd be too hard to continually be pointing out this, that and the other to everybody, all the time and "explaining" ... because ... they're not interested. And, if you've just said something wrong, they're not interested in you, or that, or whatever.... and will just not like you anyway... and anything you say they'll just spitefully say "she knows she's doing it, it's on purpose". Because that is the reality of how people actually are.

"How can she not realise...?" *shrugs* ... I just don't

Even if it's pointed out, I still "don't get it", "don't see the issue".

Pyxis

PasturesNew wrote: »

It's just a word. Although people can spell it and say it ... they don't really know what it means

They don't know how a list of potential behaviours are held by one person and how each of those behaviours will perform under certain conditions.

In any case, this bit is "a slightly separate bit", of the same bunch of things. This bit is "newly spotted/named".

It'd be too hard to continually be pointing out this, that and the other to everybody, all the time and "explaining" ... because ... they're not interested. And, if you've just said something wrong, they're not interested in you, or that, or whatever.... and will just not like you anyway... and anything you say they'll just spitefully say "she knows she's doing it, it's on purpose". Because that is the reality of how people actually are.

"How can she not realise...?" *shrugs* ... I just don't

Even if it's pointed out, I still "don't get it", "don't see the issue".

That's all true, but for every say, three or four people who are like that, I bet there'd be one who took it on board and accepted it, and so from then on, you might have a friend, because they understand.

You wouldn't have to explain to everyone.....just say Asperger's, and if they are interested, they will ask you, and if not, then you've not lost anything.

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

It's just a word. Although people can spell it and say it ... they don't really know what it means

They don't know how a list of potential behaviours are held by one person and how each of those behaviours will perform under certain conditions.

In any case, this bit is "a slightly separate bit", of the same bunch of things. This bit is "newly spotted/named".

It'd be too hard to continually be pointing out this, that and the other to everybody, all the time and "explaining" ... because ... they're not interested. And, if you've just said something wrong, they're not interested in you, or that, or whatever.... and will just not like you anyway... and anything you say they'll just spitefully say "she knows she's doing it, it's on purpose". Because that is the reality of how people actually are.

"How can she not realise...?" *shrugs* ... I just don't

Even if it's pointed out, I still "don't get it", "don't see the issue".

PN, you already have friends on here who treat you with more understanding than we probably would if we didn't know about the ASD. If I didn't know that, I would find many of your comments hostile, and assume that you were antagonistic towards me and probably didn't like me. That would put me off having further to do with you. Since I do know about the ASD, I am able to think "she probably doesn't mean that in a nasty way" and I am much better able to see past the atypical choice of words, and "hear" what you are really trying to say. I am absolutely certain that I am not the only one who feels this way.

There's no reason to suppose that FTF friends might not be able to find the same advantage in knowing the label that makes sense of your approach to life.

Pyxis

LydiaJ wrote: »

PN, you already have friends on here who treat you with more understanding than we probably would if we didn't know about the ASD. If I didn't know that, I would find many of your comments hostile, and assume that you were antagonistic towards me and probably didn't like me. That would put me off having further to do with you. Since I do know about the ASD, I am able to think "she probably doesn't mean that in a nasty way" and I am much better able to see past the atypical choice of words, and "hear" what you are really trying to say. I am absolutely certain that I am not the only one who feels this way.

There's no reason to suppose that FTF friends might not be able to find the same advantage in knowing the label that makes sense of your approach to life.

Exactly right, Lydia. It makes all the difference between being offended, and then that blighting one's opinion of the person, and not being offended because it's just eg. PN being Speshul, and then reading between the lines.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

If I didn't know that, I would find many of your comments hostile, and assume that you were antagonistic towards me and probably didn't like me. That would put me off having further to do with you. Since I do know about the ASD, I am able to think "she probably doesn't mean that in a nasty way" and I am much better able to see past the atypical choice of words, and "hear" what you are really trying to say. I am absolutely certain that I am not the only one who feels this way.
.

You've had "time" to acclimatize and have the ability to skip over my posts. In real life those are not options....

And .. you're bright. Half the people in the country are "below average IQ" and so not able to think, even for themselves, never mind for any other purpose.

Pyxis

PasturesNew wrote: »

You've had "time" to acclimatize and have the ability to skip over my posts. In real life those are not options....

And .. you're bright. Half the people in the country are "below average IQ" and so not able to think, even for themselves, never mind for any other purpose.

Most of the people we come across in life are not necessarily people we would want, or choose, to be bosom buddies, so you are not alone in that respect, Pastures!

I think I have irritated a lot of people in the past by 'jumping in' which may have been perceived as being rude.
Despite my being far more conscious of this now, and trying really, really hard not to, sometimes I just can't help it.

I also have a dreadful tendency to ramble on and on and go off at tangents, which can bore people.

And, due to the deficit thing, I can zone out when people are talking to me, which must seem dreadful. Again, I try really, really hard not to, but it still happens.

I never used to tell people, but these days I do; I bite the bullet and explain about the ADHD thing and ask them to "just tell me to shut up!" or not to think I'm not interested in what they are saying.

If they then think I'm strange and peculiar, then so be it! You can't win 'em all!

PasturesNew

Pyxis wrote: »

You can't win 'em all!

I never realised you, too, were a "nutter"
I've always really liked you.



Having said, "you can't win 'em all" though ... I just think, that, sometimes... it'd be nice to win one, just once. And I just feel that I never, ever, even win one.

And if every time you're anywhere, every day, with every person, you never "even win one", you become despondent...

SingleSue

Pyxis wrote: »

Most of the people we come across in life are not necessarily people we would want, or choose, to be bosom buddies, so you are not alone in that respect, Pastures!

I think I have irritated a lot of people in the past by 'jumping in' which may have been perceived as being rude.
Despite my being far more conscious of this now, and trying really, really hard not to, sometimes I just can't help it.

I also have a dreadful tendency to ramble on and on and go off at tangents, which can bore people.

And, due to the deficit thing, I can zone out when people are talking to me, which must seem dreadful. Again, I try really, really hard not to, but it still happens.

I never used to tell people, but these days I do; I bite the bullet and explain about the ADHD thing and ask them to "just tell me to shut up!" or not to think I'm not interested in what they are saying.

If they then think I'm strange and peculiar, then so be it! You can't win 'em all!

I have to tell people to ignore my over fussiness with things, it's my issue not theirs. They can't help my need to check things repeatedly even if they think they can by saying "It's locked!", I still have to check again.

I also zone out, mostly from boredom ...I tend to excuse it by saying I am having a brain fog day as I don't like to offend!


The fussiness and anxiety over checking things is a fairly new thing for me, I certainly didn't have it when I was a child or even up to my 30s but it became a feature after my breakdown. The zoning out has always been present though, even at school. The amount of times I would read ahead of the teacher because I was frustrated and bored with the speed he/she/the rest of the class were going at.

Today I am having a brain disordered day, words are not flowing as they should :eek:

michaels

LydiaJ wrote: »

PN, you already have friends on here who treat you with more understanding than we probably would if we didn't know about the ASD. If I didn't know that, I would find many of your comments hostile, and assume that you were antagonistic towards me and probably didn't like me. That would put me off having further to do with you. Since I do know about the ASD, I am able to think "she probably doesn't mean that in a nasty way" and I am much better able to see past the atypical choice of words, and "hear" what you are really trying to say. I am absolutely certain that I am not the only one who feels this way.

There's no reason to suppose that FTF friends might not be able to find the same advantage in knowing the label that makes sense of your approach to life.

Oh dear. I just see PN as being straight talking and thus a breath of fresh air. I guess that means I must be somewhere on the same spectrum - does it worry me? Not in the least.

So just by worrying about it, PN, must put you closer to 'normal' than I am

PasturesNew

michaels wrote: »

...must put you closer to 'normal' than I am

Even I'd spotted that bit