Open this if I am dead

onlyroz

meer53 wrote: »

OP, when your husband gets your letter from the safe, how do you think he will feel ? Apart from the fact that you will have gone, he will have all this new stuff to deal with, will it not be better to get him involved now ?

It isn't like our affairs are complicated, and it's not like he's utterly incapable. I just want to make sure that all the necessary information is in one place - which would be useful for day-to-day purposes as well as in the event of one of our deaths. I'm thinking:


- Details of bank accounts and utility providers (perhaps just giving a password to a document on the computer or in the cloud, so that it can be easily updated)
- Copy of will (not complicated - rules of intestacy apply)
- Instructions for funeral, organ donation etc
- Details of pensions and life insurance
- Details of investments (I have a share-plan with work)
- Personal notes for him and the kids
- Personal bequests (e.g. Please give item X to person Y)


For everyone bleating on about how he should know all this already, it's only really the first two that he realistically needs to know anything about while I'm still around. For the pensions, insurance and investments he just needs some instructions on how to claim them. And I'm pretty sure he knows my views regarding a funeral and organ donation.

Primrose

I would echo the advice of those who recommend that once you have completed your records you sit down with your husband, review the information with him and try to encourage him to at least take some interest in how your financial administration is run. Don't under estimate how your death could unhinge him emotionally. If he is financially incompetent as well he could wilt fast. You're not actually protecting him by taking 100% conteol . You are actually crippling him unless there's genuine reason, other than laziness and disinterest why he is totally divorcing himself from these issues.

I keep two separate Excel record sheets.

The first one has the names, addresses, phone numbers, customer reference numbers of:

Utility providers
Council tax contacts
Bank
Building societies
Insurance companies,(contents, house structure, car, travel ins, life insurance, etc)
Pension providers, contacts and reference numbers
Other providers like dentist, optician, computer technician, etc.

The second spreadsheet has a list of our financial assets, savings accounts, fixed term bonds, ISAs etc, all of whom will need to be contacted for probate value at time of death.

I review these spreadsheets once a year and update them as utility providers can change, and savings accounts get closed or transferred regularly to take advantage of better rates. My husband knows my computer password to access them but an up to date paper copy is also stored in our filing cabinet. A copy of our wishes for our funeral service, with selected music and hymns is also stored here and in due course will also be filed with our funeral provider as we propose taking our prepaid funeral plans.

A copy of this information is also filed with our solicitor who is our executor, together with a set of our house keys.

peachyprice

I'm not sure why this needs to be at your parents house rather than your own. What are the chances of you dying in a fire there?

Why not just give all the details to your husband, then tell him to grow up, he NEEDS to know how to access things in the event of your death/incapacity, it's just plain irresponsible to tell you he doesn't want to know. That won't get the children fed in an emergency.

lika_86

onlyroz wrote: »

It isn't like our affairs are complicated, and it's not like he's utterly incapable. I just want to make sure that all the necessary information is in one place - which would be useful for day-to-day purposes as well as in the event of one of our deaths. I'm thinking:


- Details of bank accounts and utility providers (perhaps just giving a password to a document on the computer or in the cloud, so that it can be easily updated)
- Copy of will (not complicated - rules of intestacy apply)
- Instructions for funeral, organ donation etc
- Details of pensions and life insurance
- Details of investments (I have a share-plan with work)
- Personal notes for him and the kids
- Personal bequests (e.g. Please give item X to person Y)


For everyone bleating on about how he should know all this already, it's only really the first two that he realistically needs to know anything about while I'm still around. For the pensions, insurance and investments he just needs some instructions on how to claim them. And I'm pretty sure he knows my views regarding a funeral and organ donation.

The rules of intestacy don't apply if you have a will. Also, if you do have specific personal bequests, these should probably go in your will.


As for organ donation, make sure your OH KNOWS what your preferences are and whether there is anything you are not willing to donate - eyes? skin? heart? Probably best to tell someone else too. He may not open the safe until after you're gone or a decision may need to be made quickly.

borkid

cjdavies wrote: »

This, he does not even want to know the supplier for the gas and electric! May sound awful, but how the hell he is going to cope living on his own?

Actually to be fair my OH doesn't he just hands over all that to his PA ie me but he does or could know who they area he pays all the bills so just a case of checking who the DD is payable to and he keeps all the details filed away.

I tend to deal will these things because I have more patience in sourcing the best deals. He keeps all the accounts and information but if someone asked him who we had house ins with or electricity from he wouldn't have a clue.

I do agree though that OP hubby should have the details now rather than later. We have joint accounts but only so we'll have access if necessary but we still control our 'own joint' account ( hope that makes sense). Would I remember all the log in details, no but I could find them. Similarly with OH.

Red-Squirrel_2

onlyroz wrote: »

For everyone bleating on

You mean the people who've taken the time to respond to your post asking for advice?

Not to worry, they probably won't bother again, I know I won't.

onlyroz

peachyprice wrote: »

I'm not sure why this needs to be at your parents house rather than your own. What are the chances of you dying in a fire there?

Why not just give all the details to your husband, then tell him to grow up, he NEEDS to know how to access things in the event of your death/incapacity, it's just plain irresponsible to tell you he doesn't want to know. That won't get the children fed in an emergency.

My parents are the one with the safe.


As for giving the details to my husband, this is exactly what I'm trying to do - put all the details in a secure central place that everybody knows about, rather than having them scattered around in various filing cabinets or in files on a computer.

onlyroz

lika_86 wrote: »

The rules of intestacy don't apply if you have a will. Also, if you do have specific personal bequests, these should probably go in your will.

By this I mean that the will states that the rules of intestacy should be applied when figuring out who gets what.

As for organ donation, make sure your OH KNOWS what your preferences are and whether there is anything you are not willing to donate - eyes? skin? heart? Probably best to tell someone else too. He may not open the safe until after you're gone or a decision may need to be made quickly.

As I've said, he does know my preferences.

onlyroz

borkid wrote: »

I do agree though that OP hubby should have the details now rather than later. We have joint accounts but only so we'll have access if necessary but we still control our 'own joint' account ( hope that makes sense). Would I remember all the log in details, no but I could find them. Similarly with OH.

Well that's part of the point of gathering the information and putting it in a centrally accessible place. The info will be the most useful if I die, but will also be a useful record in the mean time.

Grenage

As has already been mentioned, just use a shared hosting service like google drive.

It's free.
It doesn't involve your parents.
It's instantly accessible on computer or phone.
It's quick to update.

A letter that needs to be constantly modified, sitting in a safe in someone else's house, is at best needlessly complicated and inefficient.