When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

Hiddenidenity

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

Hi Hidden! I've just read the first 17 pages and then skipped to the end - not because I was bored but because I really should be doing uni work instead!

It sounds like the situation has changed in the past few months RE OH but I wanted to add some words of support (I hope they aren't out of line). My ex was 100% exactly like your OH, he was lazy, selfish, didn't care about his job to the point where he nearly got sacked several times, never contributed to anything household money wise... blew all his money on weed and video games (slightly different there I hope). Reading through this thread really reminded me of him and how I could never get him to change. I remember one time, for example, we'd had a massive blow out about him spending his weeks wages on weed, cigarettes, alcohol and food so we had nothing left to pay the bills with - and I found hidden in my clothes a baggie of more weed he'd bought two days later. Just no ability to see past his own destructive acts to how they were affecting others.

When he broke up he didn't change at all, still bounces from job to job, still smokes his life away, still doesn't care about others than himself. People have to want to change. I don't believe that they can't, but more that they can't do it without it being their own choice. I hope you can get some peace from him soon x

:eek: I think we have been dating the same person :rotfl: :rotfl:

Thank you for stopping in, I know everything you said is right. I don't think I'll ever 'give up' on hoping he does change though

Hiddenidenity

Thank you so much EH. For everything you have said. I'm going to read it again and keep going back to it when I have my 'wobbles'

I'm sure me and him will sort something. He is coming over once the smalls are all in bed. He's been warned not before! Or it will take hours to get them in bed and then nothing will get spoken about

Went to Mr T spent nearly £25 :eek: Mainly on things that aren't groceries :cool:

Toni'sfriend

Hope things go well, Hidden.

Hiddenidenity

Okay small ones played, fed, bathed, read too and all tucked up in bed.

Mr T spends

£7.19 on groceries (juice, potatoes, oats, veg)
£5 4 white t-shirts (1 for children in need - 3 for next time we need them)
£2 Sweets
£10 selection boxes (5 for Xmas gifts 5 for food bank)

Hiddenidenity

November goals

Money
£20 to council tax - £/£20
£50 Groceries - £7.19/£50

New Debt 12/11/2017
Broken down into
£602
£50
£52
£30

This is likely to rise on the 16th.

Extra income (Waiting for)
Onepoll £40
Pureprofile £25

Plans
Two bigger smalls to get 100% attendance Well that's a fail not even a week into November
[STRIKE]Post Nephews Birthday card[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]DD School trip[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]DS School trip[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Parents evening Need to rearrange I missed as was sick[/STRIKE]
DS Assembly
DD Workshop
DS Parents evening


List of things I need to sort in October.
[STRIKE]DD's clothes - just tights [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Youngest - leggings and socks [/STRIKE]
BIL Birthday card running out of time
[STRIKE]Buy Christmas Jumpers x 3[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]School trip £6 [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]School trip £3 [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Post money to :A[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Post school photos [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Youngest School trip £14[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Youngest School Event £2.20[/STRIKE]

Unbudgeted spends
Posted some money to someone
Posted School photos
School Shoes for DS again :cool:
More School t-shirts for youngest :cool:
School trainers for youngest
School tights for DD
£8 Xmas gifts
£5 Food bank
£5 T-shirts for non-uniform
£2 Sweets

Honeysucklelou2

Hidden, your situation sounds similar to mine. My ex doesn't show any signs of wanting to address the changes that are needed for a healthy relationship. He also didn't contribute to the running costs of the household and because he won't tell me where he is living, visits to the children end up having to be in the home and he refuses to let me know in advance when he wants to see the children, despite my asking each week. So you have sympathetic thoughts from me. Hope a satisfactory answer can be found.

Hiddenidenity

To do list

Cleaning as usual
Ironing
Windows
Paint living room
Finish DS room
Order DS bed
Collect TV for DS room

Split wage over bills Hope it spreads far enough :rotfl:
Meal plan
Stick to meal plan :cool: This has not been going well!
Order DD prescription
Order Mine prescription
Check when youngest next appointment is
Attend said appointments coming up - there is ALOT for me I need to sort and youngest has a few
Go back to work and be happy about it!
Fit everything in the day so I can go to bed before 3am :rotfl:
Make friends with OH so the worries can stop

Eager_Elephant

nmlc wrote: »

Morning everyone

I hope you don't mind me posting. You should definitely put in an application for housing benefit and council tax support but these are both "means" tested benefits, and because you are now working and get child tax credits and working tax credits (I hope I have that correct) you may find that you are not entitled or only entitled to very little housing bens/council tax support as you get quite high amounts of child tax credits and working tax credits. (These are treated as income as if they were wages unfair as that may seem). The DLA you receive is taken into account but depending on what elements you get some of those are disregarded - this means when the assessors do the totalling up of your income some of the DLA is not allowed to be included. Hope this helps, it won't do any harm to apply.

Keep safe and well x

nmlc x

I don't normally comment on posts where someone has posted information which I know to be incorrect but I feel I need to on this occasion.

DLA is NOT counted as income for anyone, it can lead to extra premiums when working out your benefit claim but it is not treated as income no matter whether it is care or mobility element. (same applies for PIP for adults)

I know it might look like hidden gets a lot of Tax Credits but its not really a lot when you consider she has 3 children, one of whom is disabled.

As I said earlier this morning I did a benefit check on hidden and she would get between 50-60% of her rent paid by Housing Benefit.

Please do not try to dissuade someone from claiming what they are entitled to.

[EE steps down from soapbox!!]

Sun_Addict

Hopefully that to do list isn't all for today. As long as you get the basics done, give yourself a night off.

Hope you can come to a compromise with OH.

Fingers crossed you can get some help with the rent, that would ease the burden a fair bit.

UncannyScot

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

Thank you for stopping in, I know everything you said is right. I don't think I'll ever 'give up' on hoping he does change though

Unfortunately, that is why he will continue to be the way that he is...
You really need to put him out of your misery luv
You know that you are truly better off without him and trust me, the kids will very soon learn that too
I'm sorry to have to be so very blunt about this
(((((HUGS)))))
:A