When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

HairyHandofDartmoor

SA is right that you seem to be neglecting yourself. You can't look after your kids properly unless you look after yourself.

Timetable a routine for yourself like you do with the kids, with regular bed times, eating proper meals at set times, and time set aside for chores and relaxation.

A walk in the fresh air followed by some escapist reading before bed time always helps me to sleep. I also write down my worries as this helps me to get them into perspective.

Hiddenidenity

Sun_Addict wrote: »

We all keep,saying it, but it seems to fall on deaf ears - please take care of yourself. You must eat and sleep to remain well for the smalls if nothing else.

Keep looking forward not back, you've been doing so well it would be a shame to go back to square one.

I feel concerned as to why ex OH has been around when he shouldn't be. I realise he needs to see his kids but feel uneasy about it and how it affects you.

Sorry for nagging but like everyone else I worry about you xx

It is stressful. Worse than a toddler.
I suspect taking advantage just because

Hiddenidenity

Smalls finally all settled into bed

Will go back and catch up with replies I've missed sorry x

Cherryfudge

"Other child related expenses............ 564.4 DLA'

I'm not much good at SOAs so someone correct me if I've got the wrong end of the stick but... if I understand this rightly, it means that you have DLA of £564.40 and you have set this aside for those extra expenses, right?

Could you spend some of your' worrying time' looking at what could legitimately be covered by this? For instance, if you have to go to hospital, taxi fares, care for the other children, emergency supplies from the vending machines. If you have a day out and have to get transport although the older children can walk - can you set the whole family's fares against the DLA? I think I mentioned before about the cost of food: where you have to buy something more expensive rather than risk exposure to allergens - set the difference against the DLA.

I suspect that you have absorbed a lot of the extra costs because they just needed to be covered before you had DLA, and it's hard to separate out one from the others.

Hiddenidenity

For now the DLA just goes into my 'spare' account.

I've taken out of it for the carseat, the boots and a seat for at home.

I should probably take some out for the extra things she needs (IE weekly uniform expense, my others have never needed uniform that often or 10 pairs of pjs that holes are cut into for wires that now look 10 years old!. Washing/allergy food etc) But tbh I just haven't even thought to separate what would be classed as normal or not? This is where funds would come from now if she needed to be admitted/a taxi at 3am/food in hospital etc.

I really don't know what to do I'd hate to use it for something its not intended for and be 'wrong'

Cherryfudge

I found this which is about foster children I know, but still gives an idea. The relevant bit is:

If a child is awarded the highest rate of DLA, the child will not be eligible for consideration of additional fostering allowances, unless exceptional expenditure is indicated. Additional costs, arising from a child's dietary and clothing needs, household expenses, and excessive wear and tear on the home, medical/health needs, play/learning needs, social needs and educational needs should be met from the DLA.
6.3
If a child is awarded the middle or lower rate of DLA, the child's social worker and foster carer should determine the amount of weekly expenditure required to meet the child's additional needs. If a shortfall is identified between the DLA and projected costs, the difference should be considered for payment from an additional fostering allowance.

So the PJs are certainly included. If I find any more I'll add it here later.

ETA: Also some info in this thread: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/900995
and this page says you can spend it on treats and holidays too! That's not a mis-use of funds by the way. Having a break is sometimes what makes the difference between coping and not coping. (I see this through work). In other words, you getting a way for a bit saves the government money they would have spent on care.

Chrystal

The only other thing I'd say HI is be careful about too much money accumulating in your 'spare' account. If you are on benefits it may affect them if you have over a certain amount in savings. 'They' will expect you to be using the ,money - it's called 'living allowance' for a reason and you are entitled to use it to pay for things like extra heating, bedding, clothes, special food (and this would really be all of you as you eat what she is allowed to eat)trips out etc etc.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is stop knocking yourself out. There is a web site: carersUK that has a forum, brilliant people on it, ask on there what other people with children that get DLA do with it, I think you'll find it may set your mind at rest.
(((hugs))) Xx

Eager_Elephant

DLA do not ask people where it is spent - it is up to you what you spend the money on. Most families I work with use it as normal income and it gets used day to day for everything for the whole family which obviously includes things for the child who gets DLA.

As Chrystal says it is a living allowance and should be used to make living easier.

I believe you are also entitled to help with your rent and council tax - I just did a quick benefit calculation and it says you should get at least half, if not more paid.
Please apply this week as it will really help the budget and free up more money to pay down your debts (I was going to say to treat yourself but I know you wouldn't do that!!!).
Some councils allow you to apply online so check your local authority website, if not pop along to their building taking all the evidence they will need (ID for you, 3mths bank statements, wageslips, child benefit letter if you have it, tax credit letter and DLA letter plus proof of rent)

cocalls

hello

i think you mentioned you were with giff gaff i found the 5/mth deal wasnt enough but the 7.50 is fine with unlimited texts 1GB of data and 250mins so looking at your SOA thats the only thing id suggest.

keep up the great work

nmlc

Morning everyone

I hope you don't mind me posting. You should definitely put in an application for housing benefit and council tax support but these are both "means" tested benefits, and because you are now working and get child tax credits and working tax credits (I hope I have that correct) you may find that you are not entitled or only entitled to very little housing bens/council tax support as you get quite high amounts of child tax credits and working tax credits. (These are treated as income as if they were wages unfair as that may seem). The DLA you receive is taken into account but depending on what elements you get some of those are disregarded - this means when the assessors do the totalling up of your income some of the DLA is not allowed to be included. Hope this helps, it won't do any harm to apply.

Keep safe and well x

nmlc x