When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

Pollie

If you say you intend to return home but tell him he is welcome to stay on with the children for a few days, what would his reaction be? May help you make a decision.

Sun_Addict

Although the final decision is entirely up to you, please take on board the very sound advice you've been given in the above posts and remember how far you've come since you split up with exOH.

I know you're lonely at the moment but you deserve so much better and I believe you're better off without him dragging you down xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

DrSpendLittle wrote: »

Agree with Scott. Sounds manipulative to me. You're paying his fine and spending all your time, effort and money on giving the kids a childhood they deserve whilst sacrificing things for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and to not feel guilty for drinking a Starbucks. It seems like he knew there was a chance you'd be able to stay on at the Van for the weekend and thought that if he turned up, he could convince you (and the kids) to play happy families for a few days.

It's a smart move for three reasons: 1) it puts you in the position of being the one who has to say no to cutting the holiday short and disappointing the kids - you become the villain, he becomes the victim; 2) he's capitalising on the happy, positive, fun opportunity you've created for the kids and they will attribute it to both of you - he wins for no cost at all; 3) He's putting you in this otherwise conflicting position at a neutral, 'happy' location that is void of the day to day grind of paying off debt, scrimping and saving and looking after three children single handedly. This means you are less likely to resist as he knows you'll be more relaxed and won't want to 'ruin' the kids holiday.

Unless there is more to this that we know, he is 100% playing on your emotions and emotionally manipulating you. You deserve waaaaay better, Hidden.

Very well expressed and I agree 100% with this HI. Hope you're ok

mummytogirls

Hope little one is ok HI xx

Hiddenidenity

Thank you for all the comments xx I have taken all on board and I do agree with everything said.

We are going home first thing tomorrow.

I'm a bit disappointed that he's taken time off work etc unpaid but I guess that's nothing to do with me anymore anyway.

Small ones are all tired anyway and ready for home too. We've been out everyday for full long days and a few later night's than usual. So I think they need the routine back for the weekend etc.

Youngest still keeps spiking a temp but does seem okay in herself and the other two are tired but have said it's been amazing. We've spent around £40 for the whole week. So I'm happy with that. Will use the rest on a grocery shop and DS school shoes once we're home.

Trying to check I've answered all the replies. There's obviously a lot goes on with Ex I don't post here for reasons of it not really being stuff that you post 'openly' but I'm still confident my decision's have been the right ones even if I have doubts and hopes that things would be different etc.

monz

You can always mail me anytime if you ever need a chat xxx

Hiddenidenity

Thank you Monz xx

Hiddenidenity

Debt 27/10/17

Council Tax [STRIKE]£2092.71[/STRIKE] £1350 (£50 paid)
Fine 1 [STRIKE]£1250[/STRIKE] £865 (£10 paid)
Fine 2 [STRIKE]£200[/STRIKE] £0
Aunt £1000
Mum [STRIKE]£87[/STRIKE] +[STRIKE]£340[/STRIKE] 300
Step Dad £1000
Friend [STRIKE]£1379[/STRIKE] £1360

Total [STRIKE]£7348.71[/STRIKE] £5875 (£1473.71 paid)


Rent arrears [STRIKE]£3381.28[/STRIKE] £2825 (£556.28 paid)

Debt + Rent [STRIKE]£10729.99[/STRIKE] £8700 (£2029.99 paid)

Hiddenidenity

October goals

Money
£50 to council tax - £50/£50
£75 Groceries - £16.97/£75
£200 to other debt £120/£200

Extra income £50* - Done

Money outstanding to Mum now £575. (£225 paid)

Plans
Two bigger smalls to keep 100% attendance DONE for DD DS had 1 absent day with the sickness bug :cool:
[STRIKE]Have a lovely week away at half term [/STRIKE] :T
[STRIKE]DD attend birthday party - Gift and Card needed[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Have a fab halloween - under £5[/STRIKE] Party dinner organised, all food stuffs needed are in. Will bake cakes and all things halloween themed. Cost Zero
Halloween costumes for school [STRIKE]x 3[/STRIKE] All Done
[STRIKE]DD attend friends birthday dinner 19/10[/STRIKE]


I need to catch up on ALL my bills I'm behind on (all have been spoken too and are okay).
[STRIKE]V1rgin - first bill so two months nearly £89 (its a bit under this but rounded up) [/STRIKE] :cool:
Expensive
[STRIKE]TV license - £28 [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Rent - £113.07 [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Council tax £85 [/STRIKE]
School - [STRIKE]£200 [/STRIKE] £100

List of things I need to sort in October.

[STRIKE]3[/STRIKE] halloween costumes
[STRIKE]Winter coats for smalls[/STRIKE] All done
[STRIKE]Hats and gloves for smalls [/STRIKE] All done
[STRIKE]Youngest all in one suit for school[/STRIKE] Done
DD's clothes - just basics but she really needs something Some sorted Still need leggings/tights
[STRIKE]Pj's and a book for youngest for school event[/STRIKE] £6

[STRIKE]School photos [/STRIKE] £44.25 :eek:

[STRIKE]Birthday card and gift for DD party invite[/STRIKE] Sorted thank you EH. £10 spent, art & craft items,
friendship bracelet, sweets and a card. DD very impressed
School shoes for DS
[STRIKE]School t-shirts for youngest [/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]School tights for DD [/STRIKE]
School leggings for youngest

I've made my plans slightly smaller, removed the Xmas plans for now I won't be getting anything for Xmas until the bills are caught up. This isn't an issue I get a payment in Dec that will cover Xmas without pushing my budget too much.

Unbudgeted spends
School trousers DS £5
Worry Monster £8 (amazon vouchers)
Handwriting books £7.50 (amazon vouchers)
Mcdonalds £9.96
Costa £2.65 :o
Pj's £26.30 :cool: (10 pairs of pjs, 10% off and free del)
Halloween disco tickets (school) £4

HairyHandofDartmoor

You're doing well HI