When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

117pauline

I'm glad that you all are having a great time.

I am a great believer in lists. Perhaps if you took the time to write a pro's and con's list of your relationship it might help. That sounds cold and calculating but you have to be with the little ones to look after.

Read your diary and notice what you have had to do, to provide for the children. And be careful about covering for him. He will then expect it and the occasions where he lets them down will become more often and have bigger impact. I know you want to protect them but don't put yourself in the position where he takes no responsibility.

Take care
Pauline

Hiddenidenity

Well ExOh was waiting at the caravan when we arrived back :cool: so I'll probably be around less until we are home.

Tower was brilliant and so was the circus I think it's something we could definitely do again some time there is so much to do!

Not sure what our plans are for today. Youngest has a temp and looks quite unwell but says she's fine. Weird.

Hope what ever you're doing today it goes well have a good day x

Toni'sfriend

Did you know he was coming or did he just turn up?

Hiddenidenity

He was just waiting. I told him we where coming home and not to bother coming.

Toni'sfriend

Are you staying on now or are you still going home today?

UncannyScot

I would pack up and get home
Tell him that he's wasted his time and money as you told him that
I'm posting from mobile atm
BT have lost our IT connection again
Stick to your guns luv
Don't let him away with it

DrSpendLittle

Agree with Scott. Sounds manipulative to me. You're paying his fine and spending all your time, effort and money on giving the kids a childhood they deserve whilst sacrificing things for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and to not feel guilty for drinking a Starbucks. It seems like he knew there was a chance you'd be able to stay on at the Van for the weekend and thought that if he turned up, he could convince you (and the kids) to play happy families for a few days.

It's a smart move for three reasons: 1) it puts you in the position of being the one who has to say no to cutting the holiday short and disappointing the kids - you become the villain, he becomes the victim; 2) he's capitalising on the happy, positive, fun opportunity you've created for the kids and they will attribute it to both of you - he wins for no cost at all; 3) He's putting you in this otherwise conflicting position at a neutral, 'happy' location that is void of the day to day grind of paying off debt, scrimping and saving and looking after three children single handedly. This means you are less likely to resist as he knows you'll be more relaxed and won't want to 'ruin' the kids holiday.

Unless there is more to this that we know, he is 100% playing on your emotions and emotionally manipulating you. You deserve waaaaay better, Hidden.

UncannyScot

All that above is right on the button^^^^

Toni'sfriend

I have to say, Hidden, that I agree with both the above posts. I've been following your diary from day 1 and I have a really bad feeling about this. Can I ask if he's still working? I wondered because I would have thought he should have been at work yesterday and today. Please think very carefully about this situation. You know him better than anyone.

Hope it all works out for you.

EssexHebridean

DrSpendLittle wrote: »

Agree with Scott. Sounds manipulative to me. You're paying his fine and spending all your time, effort and money on giving the kids a childhood they deserve whilst sacrificing things for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and to not feel guilty for drinking a Starbucks. It seems like he knew there was a chance you'd be able to stay on at the Van for the weekend and thought that if he turned up, he could convince you (and the kids) to play happy families for a few days.

It's a smart move for three reasons: 1) it puts you in the position of being the one who has to say no to cutting the holiday short and disappointing the kids - you become the villain, he becomes the victim; 2) he's capitalising on the happy, positive, fun opportunity you've created for the kids and they will attribute it to both of you - he wins for no cost at all; 3) He's putting you in this otherwise conflicting position at a neutral, 'happy' location that is void of the day to day grind of paying off debt, scrimping and saving and looking after three children single handedly. This means you are less likely to resist as he knows you'll be more relaxed and won't want to 'ruin' the kids holiday.

Unless there is more to this that we know, he is 100% playing on your emotions and emotionally manipulating you. You deserve waaaaay better, Hidden.

One of the most well thought out, considered, and sensible posts I've ever read on here. Well done DrSL. :T


Hope youngest is OK Hidden. If she feels fine then hopefully she will be. Fingers are crossed!