A whole new world, for now

beanielou

Cherryfudge said:

I'm sure if you were fundamentally lazy, you wouldn't be successfully self-employed. Is there a voice from your past criticising you for not getting as much done as the voice wanted, despite your best efforts?

Agree with this. 

in_need_of_direction

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.  Got some things done but not that much.  Today is dh’s office day and dd comes home tomorrow so this is my only solo day at home and I’m determined to make the most of it.  I want one work thing put to bed and some present wrapping done.  

Most importantly, I need to avoid the call of the bed.

today I am grateful for
identifying three items to go towards a present
finding a good home to prevent me eating 4 large bars of chocolate 
a lovely warm shower - it’s so easy to take things for granted 

jwil

I often consider myself lazy too, but can get a lot done when I set my mind to it.  I agree with the others that you wouldn't be successfully self employed if you were lazy.  I think it's just a societal thing telling us we should be busy all the time.  There's no need for it really.  If you need or want to rest and chill, then do so!  As long as what needs to be done urgently is done, then otherwise don't worry about it. 

milann

You’re not lazy. You’re self employed and still getting over a massive loss. Be kind to yourself 👍 Things are getting done little by little. But they’re getting done 👍

in_need_of_direction

Yesterday finished the six sessions of talking therapies.  I think I’m going to pursue on a paid for basis.  If I work an extra 2 hours per week, that should net enough with a wee bit left over.  

Thanks for all the support but I don’t know if it’s laziness, fear of failure, procrastination or lack of direction but I’m really not getting my !!!!!! into gear as I should.  

Yesterday I stopped off to buy flowers for the counsellor and slipped on the way into the florist.  I ended up on all fours surrounded by the santas I toppled from a display.  People were so lovely but all I wanted was to escape back to the car. Not sure how I managed to scrape the skin off one finger and the base of my thumb.  

On other news, dd is safely home.  We went to a show I booked months ago.  Suffice to say it won’t become a Christmas tradition.
today i need to get on with work and home stuff including the purchase of a Christmas tree.  

Today I am grateful for 
kind people 
my weight reduction- while on the ground I was thinking that people may not have been able to help when I was at my heaviest.
dh making pancakes for breakfast 

Cherryfudge

Ouch to the fall and damage to your hand. And cheers to nice people helping you.

If you are thinking of paid-for sessions, I think it sounds as though you have found someone who is helping and that's got to be worth it.

in_need_of_direction said:

 Thanks for all the support but I don’t know if it’s laziness, fear of failure, procrastination or lack of direction but I’m really not getting my !!!!!! into gear as I should.  

I feel as if the phrase 'as I should' is key here. Why should you? Who says so? Where does that expectation spring from? These things can originate in early childhood, but it might be later... what sort of things did your parents model for you, or your school/your friends/your community?

DH and I did a thing called 'The Marriage Course' years ago which has always stuck with me as it gave me huge insight into how we learn our roles in life. A neutral example would be, which of your parents put the rubbish out? If it was always Mum, you would subconsciously expect that as a woman, it was your role. If, then, your husband's parents shared that job differently, perhaps whoever was going out took the bin, then he would expect that to happen - which you might see as criticism of you for not doing it.

Do you see where I'm coming from? What we experience imprints on us as normal, whether it needs to be or not, and affects how we judge our own performance.

It doesn't have to be taking rubbish out: people can be habituated to all sorts of things including how they view themselves. So many people I know don't interview well because they can't show off their abilities. 

All that from one phrase - sorry! Of course there could be a mixture of reasons for you to feel pressured to achieve.

It could also be worth asking yourself where the end point is: how will you know when you've done whatever it is you feel you aren't managing to do? At what point do you legitimately sit down with a good TV program and not feel it's stolen time? You seem to be doing more enjoyable things recently, and if that's the case, that's an achievement in itself.

Needless to say, all these questions of mine are made with no expectation of answers - it's none of my business, let alone the rest of the Net's. I'm just asking because it stands out to me as something that may be thought-worthy.

beanielou

Sounds ouchy. 

Glad you are ok. 

jwil

Glad you are ok and people helped you after your fall.

milann

Glad you only hurt your hand and your pride. You don’t want injuries just before Christmas. 

Pleased the councillor is helping. It’s worth every penny if it helps. If it helps it’ll free your mind up to tackle the things you want to do. I paid for a course of hypnotherapy last January and she tackled much more than I’d originally gone for. The weightloss part has been partly successful but the other stuff she tackled has been brilliant. Changed my outlook to certain things and some habits. I need to get back to listening to the tapes she provided then the suggestions concerning food might happen. She was totally right in saying some of the things she tackled needed sorting first before the eating fell into place. 

in_need_of_direction

Thanks for all the input and support.  Cherry, I get exactly what you’re saying but, at this time, most of the shoulds are down to work related decisions I made.  I’ve already jettisoned some of the others e.g. Christmas cards I didn’t send.

yesterday, the tree was procured and is currently at the side of the house. I can only guess when it might be decorated.  Decorations are down from the loft and suitcases are up there which is good.  DH and I spent last night sorting out a photo book diary that should be here for the new year.  I also accepted a parcel that I was able to hide without dh seeing.  

Dinner was a takeaway which will also cover most of today’s meals.  Dh had a 15% discount, £5 cash back and free delivery.  Little to no work was done which isn’t good as it feels like it’s hanging over me.  I need to make life easier for myself in the ny.

today I am grateful for 
a reliable car that meant dd was able to see her bestie on a big day for her
a nice dinner 
Christmas trees still being available