So i just opened the door to my new house.

rosyw

Cakeguts wrote: »

So basically the best thing to learn from this for everyone is to never agree to anything being left in the house after completion and to change the locks on completion day.

I can see someone with a certain personality disorder behaving like this. They don't care about the affect on other people because they are so self centred they only ever do what suits them.

It's not a case of not caring,more that they don't understand the impact due to a lack of empathy, self centred maybe, but not deliberately so the ones that really don't care are sociopaths!

robatwork

chucknorris wrote: »

they were her brother's tenants (that's how dumb she was). Anyway to cut a long story short I gave them until Friday evening to vacate, which they did.

You're pretty lucky you didn't end up with them declaring themselves squatters.

chucknorris

robatwork wrote: »

You're pretty lucky you didn't end up with them declaring themselves squatters.

That's what concerned me and why I offered them until the end of the week to move out, but if it had gone down that route, I would have sued the vendor.

moneyistooshorttomention

Harryp_24 wrote: »

2) don't agree to anything being left, it probably panned out like this
Vendor->estate agent: am I allowed to leave things in the house.
Estate agent->me: can she leave a few boxes.

That's probably accurate - ie the EA couldnt be bothered to turn round and tell the vendor "Sorry - I'm afraid you can't do that. You aren't allowed".

Followed by EA probably having some idea what this woman is like (one way or the other) but couldnt be bothered to explain to them that it was in their own best interests to stick to the agreement - or they personally could get into trouble and spell out what that trouble would be. That way - even if they couldnt give a darn (for whatever reason) about OP - and didnt have a scrap of empathy/consideration for them - they would have consideration (one presumes) for their own finances being at risk of the OP suing them.

So - yep...it could all trace back to lazy EA exacerbating a situation because they didnt want to do the extra work involved in dealing with this particular vendor and letting the buyer clear up the mess they should have prevented happening in the first place.

IAmWales

I have mental health issues and can completely identify with this story. I'm very good with planning, but if something happens to upset that plan everything goes to pot. If I'd been the seller Harry could well have arrived at the house to find all the doors bolted and me hiding in bed until someone else takes over. It's not a conscious choice, I'd be most upset (and panicked) at letting other people down.

But I'm sure there are some on this thread that will claim I just couldn't be bothered and fancied a snooze!

Harry, I think you've handled this amazingly well. Moving home can be stressful for all involved, but you've kept things in perspective and now you're all sorted. I wish you well in your new home. Next stop, paint charts, and the discovery that there are now a million different variations on good old magnolia!

happyandcontented

To clarify, my comment was that the OP had accepted that the seller had not behaved in a manipulative manner, not that he had been manipulative! I accept it could have been taken the other way though.

Single Sue, that is what I have been trying to get across, that the behaviours are very typical of someone with ASD, although of course not everyone.

Cakeguts

rosyw wrote: »

It's not a case of not caring,more that they don't understand the impact due to a lack of empathy, self centred maybe, but not deliberately so the ones that really don't care are sociopaths!

The personality disorder I was thinking of includes sociopaths. It tends to be caused by children being extremely spoiled by their parents. They lack empathy because of the personality disorder and they only ever do what suits them. They are very self centred and they don't have autism of any kind.

To the people with relatives with Aspergers syndrome what would happen if they were told in advance of moving that on completion day they were not to leave anything in the house because the new owners would change the locks, not give them a key, and so then they wouldn't be able to get in to get anything out of the house any more? So rather than relying on them understanding the inconvenience to someone else make it clear that the inconvenience would be to them in that they would not be able to get into the sold house anymore?

I have a mental illness that is controlled by medication so I don't want anyone else to tell me that I don't understand. Having this illness does not make me inconvenience other people. In fact it is quite the opposite I have a better understanding of what life throws at people so I am more accommodating. I have been told by someone who works in mental health that not turning up to a community group of which the person with the mental illness is a member without telling anyone or just turning up late without telling anyone is down to bad manners not the illness. It is quite possible for someone to have a mental illness and bad manners.

Of the people I have met with Aspergers syndrome/autism the ones who might engage in the kind of behaviour of this lady would not be in a position to own a house because of not being able to hold down a job to pay the mortgage. The ones who could hold down a job don't behave in a way that inconveniences other people.

happyandcontented

I am sorry, but you clearly do not understand Aspergers. There have been several explanations of how/why it manifests on here but you haven't accepted any of them so I don't think further explanation would be productive.

Re holding down a job, the lady had a carer, so how do we know she has a job? The house could have been bought with an inheritance or be rented or bought by family. We have no idea of this woman's circumstances, the OP has and he is satisfied he wasn't "taken for a ride".

marliepanda

happyandcontented wrote: »

I am sorry, but you clearly do not understand Aspergers. There have been several explanations of how/why it manifests on here but you haven't accepted any of them so I don't think further explanation would be productive.

Re holding down a job, the lady had a carer, so how do we know she has a job? The house could have been bought with an inheritance or be rented or bought by family. We have no idea of this woman's circumstances, the OP has and he is satisfied he wasn't "taken for a ride".

She chose the dates, so not sure where this anxiousness over changing dates came from. She chose them.

She informed her utilities of a day she wasn't leaving!

She informed people to help her and was let down (despite having mentioned two people who were helping)

Autism can manifest in many ways (believe me, I know) but rarely in a way that makes them entirely able to handle the changes in ways which directly make everything work out absolutely perfect for themselves.

If she had carers, then this is where they should have been helping her, but they've been mysteriously absent (unless their only role was to inform meter readers in advance)

I am 100% in favour of helping and making allowances for those struggling with autism.

Letting people walk all over you because 'oh they don't realise, they have autism' is not productive for anyone involved.

happyandcontented

glasgowdan wrote: »

Total rubbish. Utter nonsense. And a few other words I won't type.

Having dates moved about causes anxiety for ANYONE. The autism is NO excuse for taking the mick, which she absolutely HAS.

Pander to people like this and they'll keep taking advantage of others in life. Give them a metaphorical slap and they'll soon stop, autism or not!

Having dates changed does cause anxiety for anyone but it is compounded if you have autism. The OP says that he was confused by the constant chopping and changing of dates, so I imagine she was worse.

There is making allowances and then there is pandering, I agree one is not productive, but we are not the OP, he is the only one who can judge on the circumstances as they played out which he was involved in, which of those he did.

None of us know the circumstances better than he does. It could be that she had had the house the OP is buying left to her and she decided to sell it and move to a bungalow (close to the neighbours she knows) to make life easier. That being the case her inheritance may have meant benefits and carers were taken away and she now has to fend for herself. This is often what happens to adults with autism as their immediate family ( who advocate for them) dies off. Adults with autism do not have carers unless there is a real need.

Nobody is advocating letting anyone walk all over you in the house buying process, but in these circumstances a little understanding and compassion goes a long way if it can be done. The OP was in a position to do that for the seller and he should be applauded not denigrated. The world would be a better place if everyone could sometimes stand back and say "could I react to situation x in a way which will make a positive difference all round" or should I just go in all guns blazing because I can.