So i just opened the door to my new house.

happyandcontented

I think that having autism and the effect of that on decision making and empathy with others is being overlooked by many here. It is not a "get out of Jail card" but it does go a long way to explain the sellers behaviour.

The OP is right to be annoyed, but imo also right to show some compassion and understanding. It would have been very different if he had a family and a moving van outside, but he didn't. In his position I would have done exactly the same thing (perhaps through gritted teeth) and hoped for the best.

Ths woman is going to be a close neighbour. I would want to start off on the right foot with all my new neighbours.

moneyistooshorttomention

Indeed not a "get out of jail" card - but I admit to being puzzled throughout this thread that OP has clearly been told she is autistic by someone. I am wondering who that "someone" was - ie whether it was the woman herself?

One doesnt have to have any empathy or anything to "abide by the rules" - just get told what the rules are and that the law says "You must/must not do so-and-so". Followed by explaining the penalty if the rules are broken.

I do wonder if she would have done this to Davesnaves hypothetical family with dogs and screaming babies and a removal van of furniture outside at move-in time or just thought she could get away with it because it's a young single person.

marliepanda

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Indeed not a "get out of jail" card - but I admit to being puzzled throughout this thread that OP has clearly been told she is autistic by someone. I am wondering who that "someone" was - ie whether it was the woman herself?

One doesnt have to have any empathy or anything to "abide by the rules" - just get told what the rules are and that the law says "You must/must not do so-and-so". Followed by explaining the penalty if the rules are broken.

I do wonder if she would have done this to Davesnaves hypothetical family with dogs and screaming babies and a removal van of furniture outside at move-in time or just thought she could get away with it because it's a young single person.

There are many disabilities and illnesses which can cause someone to have difficulty moving house. Someone in a wheelchair would find it very difficult to pack up a house.
Someone with chronic breathing issues may find it very difficult to move furniture.

All would be expected to find a way to either ask for or pay for help to facilitate this. People are saying she was let down, well by other accounts OP knew for a week that it may happen so there was a week to pay for or find alternative help.

The vendor isn't doing anybody any favours. The OP has handed over a massive amount of money the house. It's his house now. Autism doesn't grant her extra time in it.

happyandcontented

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Indeed not a "get out of jail" card - but I admit to being puzzled throughout this thread that OP has clearly been told she is autistic by someone. I am wondering who that "someone" was - ie whether it was the woman herself?

One doesnt have to have any empathy or anything to "abide by the rules" - just get told what the rules are and that the law says "You must/must not do so-and-so". Followed by explaining the penalty if the rules are broken.

I do wonder if she would have done this to Davesnaves hypothetical family with dogs and screaming babies and a removal van of furniture outside at move-in time or just thought she could get away with it because it's a young single person.

Unless you understand the autistic mindset that seems emminently sensible. Unfortunately, often (not always of course) people with autism just don't see why the rules should exist and so have little regard for them or the consequences, it is a facet of the condition. It can be extremely frustating for others to deal with but it is a genuine manifestation of the condition. As another poster stated, you (or in this case the EA/Solicitor) can communicate the rules and regs to them but they simply don't get the imperative.

marliepanda

happyandcontented wrote: »

Unless you understand the autistic mindset that seems emminently sensible. Unfortunately, often (not always of course) people with autism just don't see why the rules should exist and so have little regard for them or the consequences, it is a facet of the condition. It can be extremely frustating for others to deal with but it is a genuine manifestation of the condition. As another poster stated, you (or in this case the EA/Solicitor) can communicate the rules and regs to them but they simply don't get the imperative.

Nevertheless, they are extremely lucky the OP has been so laid back as he'd have been in his rights to change the locks to stop her entering his house.

happyandcontented

marliepanda wrote: »

Nevertheless, they are extremely lucky the OP has been so laid back as he'd have been in his rights to change the locks to stop her entering his house.

Oh yes, that is very true. If he had been in a different position re accomodation/family then she would have been in trouble and quite rightly so.

Cakeguts

happyandcontented wrote: »

Unless you understand the autistic mindset that seems emminently sensible. Unfortunately, often (not always of course) people with autism just don't see why the rules should exist and so have little regard for them or the consequences, it is a facet of the condition. It can be extremely frustating for others to deal with but it is a genuine manifestation of the condition. As another poster stated, you (or in this case the EA/Solicitor) can communicate the rules and regs to them but they simply don't get the imperative.

This doesn't apply in this case because of the phone call to the estate agents the week before about leaving a few boxes. That phone call proves that this person knew that she had to be out on that Thursday. The fact that she wasn't was because she wanted to move out over the weekend. The call to the estate agents about the boxes was to find out whether there would be a major objection from the buyer if she did this. When it became clear that there wasn't going to be a fuss over a few boxes she realised that she could go ahead with the plan that suited her which was to do the entire move over the weekend after she had completed on her new home.

I expect that how the OP found out about the autism is that she told him. It is probably an excuse that she uses to get her own way when she knows that she is about to take advantage of someone. I think the answer is that if anyone is asked by a vendor if they can leave something at the house after completion is to say no not in any circumstances or they may find themselves dealing with another extremely selfish manipulator like this lady. The other thing is that everyone must change the locks as soon as completion has taken place.

happyandcontented

You may be correct that she is a manipulator, equally, I may have a point that she didn't get the "imperative"

Neither of us know for sure, but the OP who is "on the ground" has chosen to deal with it from the perspective of cutting her some slack, so we have to think he is in a better place to make a judgement than either of us.

Cakeguts

happyandcontented wrote: »

You may be correct that she is a manipulator, equally, I may have a point that she didn't get the "imperative"

Neither of us know for sure, but the OP who is "on the ground" has chosen to deal with it from the perspective of cutting her some slack, so we have to think he is in a better place to make a judgement than either of us.

She did get the imperative to move out on Thursday. When she rang the estate agents about being worried about not having enough time and needing to leave a few boxes she understood that she had to be out by Thursday. If she hadn't understood she wouldn't have needed to make that phone call. The phone call is the bit that leads me to understand that she planned the whole thing. She is using the autism card as an excuse. What annoys me most about this whole thing is not that she manipulated everyone but that she is using the word "autism" as an excuse. It really isn't fair on people who genuinely do suffer from autism.

happyandcontented

Cakeguts wrote: »

She did get the imperative to move out on Thursday. When she rang the estate agents about being worried about not having enough time and needing to leave a few boxes she understood that she had to be out by Thursday. If she hadn't understood she wouldn't have needed to make that phone call. The phone call is the bit that leads me to understand that she planned the whole thing. She is using the autism card as an excuse. What annoys me most about this whole thing is not that she manipulated everyone but that she is using the word "autism" as an excuse. It really isn't fair on people who genuinely do suffer from autism.

Again, neither of us were privy to that call or to what was said to her or more importantly how it was communicated. I understand what you are saying, but you really cannot be sure that her autism is being used as an excuse, any more than I can be sure it isn't.

The OP is satisfied ( after having previous dealings with her throughtout the sale) that she is in his words I believe a "vulnerable person" so none of us on here can second guess that for sure.