Partner bought a house without me

Pixie5740

always_sunny wrote: »

Do you know how much she's paying in rent and how much he's paying for the mortgage?
In pounds please.

It would really help if you took the time to read what the OP has told us. Neither the OP or her "partner" are living in the property he has bought. That property is still being renovated. The pair of them are currently living in rented accommodation.

System

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I don't think he did anything wrong by wanting to buy the house, why should he have to wait three years because you can't get a mortgage?

Totally agree, it was his Grandfathers house, it wasn't just anyones house it was special to him. In three years would it still be for sale? I don't think so.

However, I do think he was wrong to say you could 'buy into it' and then changed his mind.

I'd be furious. Building a home for your family is nothing like building a home for someone else. You put your heart and soul into it and you did it thinking one day it would be part yours.

I would concentrate on YOUR future and your children's - he might never want to buy a house with you.

Totally, the circumstances might not crop up... he might not be able to afford it, you might be waiting forever.

GDB2222

Judi wrote: »

Totally agree, it was his Grandfathers house, it wasn't just anyones house it was special to him. In three years would it still be for sale? I don't think so.



I'd be furious. Building a home for your family is nothing like building a home for someone else. You put your heart and soul into it and you did it thinking one day it would be part yours.




Totally, the circumstances might not crop up... he might not be able to afford it, you might be waiting forever.

Totally agree. The only thing that doesn't add up is that the lady's partner can't really have been so desperate for an unpaid labourer that he tricked her into helping on false pretences. Or perhaps some people are simply much more !!!!!! than I realised?

Ptolemyspuzzle

Telling him that he couldn't buy a house (with his own money) after only 2 yrs of relationship is a crappy move to begin with, never mind telling him that he can't buy his grandfather's house.

For someone who has teenagers, you seem to be looking at all of this from a bedazzled, lovestruck attitude, rather than from the perspective of someone who has been "once bitten". Expecting such complete commitment after such a short time seems mind-boggling for someone who isn't 18.

I get the impression that you are coming in to this relationship with nothing and are expecting to come out of it with something. It is only right that the person in the stronger financial position be somewhat concerned about what may happen to their finances down the road if everything goes pear shaped.

Question is... why did he suddenly say "you can never buy half of the house"? It's not like it's something that would come up randomly in conversation on a whim... have you been pestering him regarding it, or regarding the future in general? It would explain the cold feet and sudden reversal (if it was actually a reversal in the first place and not your misinterpretation of what was said). You say that you're helping with labour, but who's paying the costs on the house? utilities, tax, skips, equipment etc?

Honestly, I agree with others that he doesn't see you as his life partner. I personally don't like the idea of people thinking they are financially tied and entitled to xyz just because they sleep in the same bed. Perhaps in 3 yrs you can get your own mortgage and be independent, buying your own place to do up. If you are still together then perhaps you can do it up together. Then if you ever get married then perhaps you can sell both and buy something better.

You seem to be focusing a lot on *your* (plural) future. Focus on yourself a bit more, you are the only thing you can control in your life.

NicNicP

I think there's been wrong on both sides. It was wrong of you to forbid him to buy the house in the first place and wrong of him to promise you could buy into it and change his mind. Aside from these things, no one really knows what your relationship is like. If you love him and think you can move forward from this together then stay and work it out. If not then cut your losses and move on with your kids.

Carmk2008

Doesn't sound like a partnership to me, if my partner acted like after 4yrs commitment I would seriously ask if you want to grow old with someone as tight as that

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

GDB2222 wrote: »

Totally agree. The only thing that doesn't add up is that the lady's partner can't really have been so desperate for an unpaid labourer that he tricked her into helping on false pretences. Or perhaps some people are simply much more !!!!!! than I realised?

If you haven't realised before now that there are many people who not only would behave like this out of pure self-centredness but, worse, would not even be able to see why what they had done is wrong, then yes. People are much more !!!!!! than you realised.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

NicNicP wrote: »

I think there's been wrong on both sides. It was wrong of you to forbid him to buy the house in the first place and wrong of him to promise you could buy into it and change his mind. Aside from these things, no one really knows what your relationship is like. If you love him and think you can move forward from this together then stay and work it out. If not then cut your losses and move on with your kids.

Where do you get "forbid" from? She said that she would prefer he didn't, they talked about it, and agreed not to. then he went ahead and did so. What part of that is "forbid"? She has a perfect right to express her opinion.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

always_sunny wrote: »

Usually there're two sides in the story, we have only the OP, though all I can read is:
"The house needed gutting and renovating so I have spent every weekend for a year down at the house helping with the renovation (entirely hands on)."
I don't know if it was promised that by helping she would get a share of the house, I see the scenario as fairly common where one person buys a property and needs to renovate, the other joins along to help spending time together, beside she is living there rent-free.

Without knowing what the bloke said, it could be all in the OP head that she was going to get a share of something.
"Today my partner told me that he wont ever allow me to buy half of the house"
Maybe the OP demanded that since she helped, she wants to buy her share from him and he said no.

I have helped friends in the past painting, renovating, etc and never crossed my mind that I should get a share of their houses.

Have you helped out friends for every weekend for a year? If not then it isn't really the same thing, is it.

And yes, the OP might be lying. There might be no house. She might not have a partner.

Unless you assume that stories are true unless there are obvious holes in them, there's not much point in commenting at all.

The rent-free thing has already been covered so I'll ignore that.

FBaby

Question is... why did he suddenly say "you can never buy half of the house"? It's not like it's something that would come up randomly in conversation on a whim... have you been pestering him regarding it, or regarding the future in general?

Totally agree. It sounds like OP's boyfriend has some reservation, maybe does want to be a committed relationship, but worried that OP is in it for the financial security rather than him as a person.

I too suspect that something came up and the words 'you won't get anything from it' were said during an argument. Sounds like the more OP shows how much she wants everything to be joint, the more concerned he grows that she's up and leave him when it suits her, that even more if he experienced this already.