Partner bought a house without me

seven-day-weekend

I don't think he did anything wrong by wanting to buy the house, why should he have to wait three years because you can't get a mortgage?

However, I do think he was wrong to say you could 'buy into it' and then changed his mind.

But he has said you can buy one together in three years...... does he mean this?

Whether you stay with him or not is up to you, but I would concentrate on YOUR future and your children's - he might never want to buy a house with you.

DavidF

Move into the house with him in august. Stay with him for a couple/few years. Pay your share of bills ect through a DD from your bank account to his.....Then in a few years time take him to the cleaners lol.....It seems to be what he thinks you will do anyway so don't disappoint him just do it.
BTW that is all tongue in cheek....The real advice is to re-evaluate the whole thing as calmly and sensibly as you can. At the end of the day if you two are a "proper" long term couple then in the end his wealth should be your wealth and vice versa.

GDB2222

Mojisola wrote: »

And there's a big element of feeling conned.

"Come and do all these hours of very hard work in the house because it will be ours when it's finished.

Oh no, changed my mind, thanks for all your time and increasing the value of the property but I'm going to keep it all to myself now."

That's how the OP views it. I'd love to hear the other side of this story, though.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

always_sunny wrote: »

Why do people automatically assume that by helping someone (him in this case) they will get a share of something?

In this case it would be attributable to the someone saying "You will get a share of this later" and then saying, after a year of helping, "Actually, you won't."

According to the only story we have, anyway.

always_sunny

ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »

In this case it would be attributable to the someone saying "You will get a share of this later" and then saying, after a year of helping, "Actually, you won't."

According to the only story we have, anyway.

Usually there're two sides in the story, we have only the OP, though all I can read is:
"The house needed gutting and renovating so I have spent every weekend for a year down at the house helping with the renovation (entirely hands on)."
I don't know if it was promised that by helping she would get a share of the house, I see the scenario as fairly common where one person buys a property and needs to renovate, the other joins along to help spending time together, beside she is living there rent-free.

Without knowing what the bloke said, it could be all in the OP head that she was going to get a share of something.
"Today my partner told me that he wont ever allow me to buy half of the house"
Maybe the OP demanded that since she helped, she wants to buy her share from him and he said no.

I have helped friends in the past painting, renovating, etc and never crossed my mind that I should get a share of their houses.

Mojisola

always_sunny wrote: »

Usually there're two sides in the story, we have only the OP, though all I can read is:
"The house needed gutting and renovating so I have spent every weekend for a year down at the house helping with the renovation (entirely hands on)."
I don't know if it was promised that by helping she would get a share of the house, I see the scenario as fairly common where one person buys a property and needs to renovate, the other joins along to help spending time together, beside she is living there rent-free.

No, she isn't.

neilio

always_sunny wrote: »

I have helped friends in the past painting, renovating, etc and never crossed my mind that I should get a share of their houses.

You helping out some of your mates is not the same as the OP being told they would be able to buy into the house and then be told they cannot after working on it with the assumption that they'd be able to later.

neilio

The OP doesn't really mention marriage at all, except for the assumption that you might be married one day. Have you discussed marriage? what is your partner's thoughts on marriage? Or are you only really interested in a stake in the property?

If it's the property you want then move on, he doesn't want to own it in common with you or anyone else.

If it's security you want and you do see your future with him, then you need to discuss marriage. He may turn around and tell you that he doesn't want to marry you, so be prepared for that and the end of the relationship. If he does, then great, you'll live happily ever after... :think:

... and you'll be entitled to your rightful share of his assets as his spouse. It sounds so crass when saying (typing?) out loud, but this is really what you're getting at. If he starts talking pre-nuptial agreements then you'll need to question this as well.

strawberries1

OP.
I say this not to hurt you but to help you see clearer.
You're not partners, talk less of life partners.
You have a sort of friendship and are in a situationship.
I don't see anything that points to him making plans with you for long term and short term plans he's spoken of he's changed his mind.

No point being upset. Gather your thoughts and ask for a good time to discuss a difficult painful issue with him. Then try to discuss it calmly and then make your decisions afterwards.

It appears you're suitable for right now; until he finds the person he wants to be with for long term. Don't be a place holder OP.

If he's not sure you're the one after being with you for several years I'm not sure anything can change.

In the end you'll be fine. Xx

always_sunny

Mojisola wrote: »

No, she isn't.

Do you know how much she's paying in rent and how much he's paying for the mortgage?
In pounds please.