Partner bought a house without me

Velvetbat

Hi,
I have been with my partner for 4 years now. I have two children aged 12 and 10 from a previous relationship. After living together for two years in a rented house my partner decided he wanted to buy his granddads house on his own ( I cannot get a mortgage yet). We spoke about it and I expressed that I didnt want him to buy a house without me but that we should wait 3 years until I am suitable ( I am newly self employed and need 3 yrs accounts to apply) for a mortgage and buy somewhere together.
We agreed he wouldnt buy the house but he bought it anyway and told me so afterwards. This caused many arguments but he talked me round to the idea of living there as he wouldnt expect any rent so that I could save up to buy into the house myself in a few years.
The house needed gutting and renovating so I have spent every weekend for a year down at the house helping with the renovation (entirely hands on).
Today my partner told me that he wont ever allow me to buy half of the house because he has now decided he wants to hold onto it for his future so that he can either sell it or release equity to use as a pension. He said we can move and buy a different house together in a few years when I can get a mortgage.
This confused and angered me for a few reasons.
1. I have now fallen in love with the house and put alot of effort into the renovation thinking I will one day own it with him.
2. He doesnt seem to see me as his life partner is he is making all of these decisions without me and not considering me at all in his future ( I assumed by retirement age we would be narried anyway and would worry about pensions together, not so separately)
3. I don't want to live in that house and put more effort in with the renovation knowing I will never own it.

Any advice or opinions on this would be great. Im not sure if how I feel is right and Im perhaps being very selfish.

Pixie5740

Give him the ol' Spanish archer (El-Bow).

Buying the house without you was a bit iffy. Dangling a carrot in your face to get you to put in a lot of work doing up the house and then yoinking the carrot away is mean. I think you're right and that he doesn't see you as a partner.

getmore4less

Stop doing anything for the house.

kazwookie

Stop working on the house, do your own thing.

Dump him

robatwork

The fact you're even posting this means you want some affirmation that you know this is the beginning of the end. You mentioned selfishness and I certainly see lots of it. But not yours.

Trust is gone - you can't trust him to not make huge decisions like this on his own again.

Your relationship will never get over this.

JP1978

At first, I actually thought that his plan would be to do up the house and sell it for a profit - his funds and your hard work would balance it out so you could buy another home as equals..... which would have been quite a good thing. But when I read that you have put the hard work in to support HIS pension..... Get him to f**K!!!

Today - pack up & leave!

PS, but after you leave, go round to his house and 'undo' all the hard work you have done for him!

Pixie5740

I'm curious about the people voting that the OP has no right to be upset because her "partner" has done nothing wrong. I cannot understand their thought process on this.

horseymchorseface

the partner only mentioned me,myself and I, nothing about doing something with the partner.


It is his loss you leave him

always_sunny

you sound pretty selfish; you can't 'get a mortgage so he shouldn't get one either?
He suggested you can buy one together when you sort your finances out. Ball is in your court really.

Re helping with the house, if you don't like doing it, don't do it.
I understand his view (based on your post) about holding on to it separately, if you flip out like that about things you are in control (all started cause you cannot get a mortgage), hard to see it long term.

AnotherJoe

This should be in the family relationships forum, not the financial one. It's not a financial issue.

Amara

If you can't buy house, why he shouldn't either? I think it's selfish for you stop him from buying and then be upset, because he's done, what he believed is good.
Working on his house for free it's different matter. That was mean. Did you pay him any rent? If not, you can think your work was in lieu of rent. If you feel used , you can:
a) stay with him at his house until you'll save and will be able to buy your own
b) dump him right now
I think you're more boyfriend/ girlfriend rather then partners. You shouldn't stop him from buying and he shouldn't treat you as free workforce. You two are better of living separately , in your own houses , with your own money. It's up to you, it's enough for you or not.