Partner bought a house without me

Doozergirl

Him buying a house when you can't isn't really a problem if you're in a committed relationship. I think you were unreasonable there.

Using you to renovate his house for him and not allowing you any part of that is utterly mind boggling. Did this conversation happen in an argument?

paddy's_mum

In fairness, the OP does say that she pays/will pay no rent for having a roof over the heads of herself and her two children which rather suggests that the partner is not actually taking gross advantage of her willingness to help renovate the property. However, it is not clear whether they are actually living there or are planning to move in shortly.

For me, it's the withdrawal of the offer that indicates a huge lack of honesty and in her shoes, my trust would be profoundly damaged, almost certainly beyond the point of recovery.

I can appreciate that he may be sentimentally attached to his grandad's house but it also sounds as though he's keeping his running shoes in good order and I for one couldn't live with that level of uncertainty.

What else will he promise and then withdraw from? Too late when you've signed up for a large mortgage or have a slight touch of pregnancy!

Davesnave

From the details here, both of you seem to have a few issues, which counselling might help with before drastic action is taken.

We are getting one side of the story and maybe there has been some genuine mis-communication somewhere along the way.

rtho782

So if I was single, found a GF with two kids who I took on as a package deal, then bought a house for them to live in with me rent free, I'd be the bad guy for not getting permission?

And then, because she's helped to redecorate the house she is living in for free, she should be entitled to equity?

I think he's better off without you.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

1. Clearly he doesn't see you as his life partner. That's obviously his right, but equally he should tell you so. Either way, start looking for somewhere else to live, and tell him it is over.

2. Do you think the work you have put in is balanced by the free rent? If not, tell him so before you leave. Legally you won't have a leg to stand on, but if he refuses to consider that, just see it as confirmation that you are right to leave.

Twopints

rtho782 wrote: »

So if I was single, found a GF with two kids who I took on as a package deal, then bought a house for them to live in with me rent free, I'd be the bad guy for not getting permission?

And then, because she's helped to redecorate the house she is living in for free, she should be entitled to equity?

I think he's better off without you.

He has shown he cannot be trusted and is taking the OP for a ride just to get his house worked on for free

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

rtho782 wrote: »

So if I was single, found a GF with two kids who I took on as a package deal, then bought a house for them to live in with me rent free, I'd be the bad guy for not getting permission?

And then, because she's helped to redecorate the house she is living in for free, she should be entitled to equity?

I think he's better off without you.

Why are you leaving out the fact that he told her she could buy in later then changed his mind? it's very relevant.

She says she has worked every weekend for a year. I don't know if that's true or not, but I certainly wouldn't do that for the sake of free rent. Two days a week might be reasonable for rent if you are not doing a full time job but I certainty wouldn't give up all my free time for a year for my rent if I had a decent paying job. We don't know which of these applies to her.

Pixie5740

Counselling isn't a bad shout. After 4 years together you really ought to be on the same page and thinking as "we" rather than "I" when it comes to making the big decisions.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Twopints wrote: »

He has shown he cannot be trusted and is taking the OP for a ride just to get his house worked on for free

He may just have changed his mind about her. He may have said from the beginning that she might be able to buy in later, not that she would.

I agree the change to "there is no way you are buying in" changes things significantly though.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Pixie5740 wrote: »

Counselling isn't a bad shout. After 4 years together you really ought to be on the same page and thinking as "we" rather than "I" when it comes to making the big decisions.

If they were married and had children together, or even property in common, I might agree. As there is nothing binding them, I would suggest they both just move on.