Partner bought a house without me

always_sunny

Twopints wrote: »

He has shown he cannot be trusted and is taking the OP for a ride just to get his house worked on for free

The only one who cannot be trusted here is the OP and her finances.
Together for 4 years and she cannot get a mortgage. If she's putting behind a bankruptcy you'd be mad to trust her and have things on her name!

Pixie5740

always_sunny wrote: »

The only one who cannot be trusted here is the OP and her finances.
Together for 4 years and she cannot get a mortgage. If she's putting behind a bankruptcy you'd be mad to trust her and have things on her name!

The OP told us the reason she cannot get a mortgage in the OP and it has nothing to do with bankruptcy or the state of her finances. The reason she cannot get a mortgage at the moment is because she recently became self-employed. Lenders generally want to see 3 years of accounts from self-employed people before granting a mortgage although I believe there are a couple of lenders who will consider 1 or 2 years of accounts.

Twopints

always_sunny wrote: »

The only one who cannot be trusted here is the OP and her finances.
Together for 4 years and she cannot get a mortgage. If she's putting behind a bankruptcy you'd be mad to trust her and have things on her name!

You believe that agreeing something and then doing the opposite is trustworthy? Lying = trustworthy - are you Donald Trump?

Mojisola

Velvetbat wrote: »

he talked me round to the idea of living there as he wouldnt expect any rent.

The house needed gutting and renovating so I have spent every weekend for a year down at the house helping with the renovation (entirely hands on).

It isn't clear from this but are you still paying rent on your current house while spending every weekend at his house working for free?

GDB2222

This is all too difficult for me, but if you're currently partners wouldn't you want to help him with the renovation project anyway? Without any sort of financial carrot?

Mojisola

Velvetbat wrote: »

I have been with my partner for 4 years now. I have two children aged 12 and 10 from a previous relationship.

I have spent every weekend for a year down at the house helping with the renovation

What have your children been doing at the weekends while you've been working for free? They've lost out on a lot of your time.

Marvel1

I hope you are not working on the house this weekend, that stops now. That's what would really poss me off.

Mgman1965

Even as a man I have to say I'd dump him.

At worst, he seems to be feathering his own nest ready for life without you when it suits him and trying to exclude you from any financial settlement.

At best, he's a thoughtless swine who does what he wants irrespective of what you want or think and doesn't seem to care either.

gettingtheresometime

I suspect that the pull to buy the house in the first place was as much emotional as it was financial.

That said I would be annoyed but could understand why he bought it.

However if he plans to use the house as a boost to his pension then it's time for a frank conversation about where he sees the relationship going.

Did he use the term his pension, for example, as just that a passing phrase and he genuinely did think of it in terms you clearly have.

If by living there you're saving rent then I'd be putting that money into a savings account in my name only, so if the !!!!!! does hit the fan in your relationship you have means to look after yourself

happyandcontented

I think that bannning him from buying a house to which he probably had emotional ties wasn't particularly thoughtful on the part of the OP. I can see that having done the work on it the OP now feels invested in it, but that work will mean it rents for more money which could then be invested in their "together" property.

I don't think either of them have been fair on the other, but it depends very much on the view of the relationship from both sides. Is the OP seeing a longer term relationship that her partner is ready to commit to?

This is not about a house, it is about fundamental relationship issues which have manifested through the house. Time for a frank conversation I think.