Money Moral Dilemma: Should I 'reclaim' my car expenses?

Malthusian

No-one's going to pay any attention to this, but the writer did not use the unfortunate expression "reclaim expenses". The headline is almost certainly the invention of MSE.

MSE has stitched him up by making the question sound even more grasping than it was. Admittedly it was pretty grasping to start with (in particular there is no justification for the use of the word back at the end).

ronnyvee

Did you never ask your parents to explain the reason? From your username,I'm assuming you're male and I'm afraid you were probably on the receiving end of the long held tradition that the bride's parents were expected to pay for a wedding. Nothing was expected from the groom's parents. They probably felt they had done their duty once they had paid for your sisters wedding.

Robisere

I was born 15 and 17 years after my brothers, when my parents were 40, almost at the end of WWII. As I grew up, almost a generation after my brothers, my dad had worked his way into a foreman position and his work was earning a lot more. Consequently, I was seen by the middle brother as having more of everything than they had received at a similar age. My eldest brother was totally unaffected by any jealousy: in fact, although we were born 17 years apart, we were very close and I thought of his wife as a big sister.

But what neither of them realised was that I had to do chores to earn any pocket money I received. When I grew older, I expanded on this by taking a paper round. Then dad was badly injured at work and disabled by the injury. He did not return to work for almost 2 years and when he did, it was to low-paid work. I took on another paper round and also a job at a local butcher's, Saturdays and Sundays, to make ends meet.

None of this impacted upon my middle brother, who all through his life showed nothing but ill will and jealousy of me. Then one evening in the local club, dad, the calmest, quietest of men, snapped at middle brother and informed him that I had done more as a son than he had ever done: that I had kept the home going by working long before I left school and that I was a better man than my brother would ever be.

A few years later, elder brother, then my parents, died. I have never had great contact with my surviving brother and I never intend to. However, he had a stroke last year and I put away my indifference (not hate) towards him and went to see him. Turns out it was a mini stroke and he still had the same aggressive, nasty personality. He accused me of benefitting most from mum's will. I had done all the work with solicitors about that and mum had left me the little money she had, but I split it, half each between us. This upset his children so much that they do not see him at all, just their mum. Towards the end of that visit, he began to show intense hatred about our deceased brother. I walked out, gave my SIL a hug at the door and have never been back. I told my eldest niece to inform me if he dies, and I will go to see their mum, whom I still love and respect.

That is the kind of situation that develops over years of festering jealousy between siblings and other relatives. My dad had a saying: 'Hate hurts the Hater more than the Hated.' Indifference hurts even more, which is how I feel about my brother.

Families: given the choice, you can pick better friends.

Pollycat

Malthusian wrote: »

No-one's going to pay any attention to this, but the writer did not use the unfortunate expression "reclaim expenses". The headline is almost certainly the invention of MSE.

MSE has stitched him up by making the question sound even more grasping than it was. Admittedly it was pretty grasping to start with (in particular there is no justification for the use of the word back at the end).

You're right.
Shame on MSE Nick!

Whatever happened to being nice to newbies?
The original thread was started by a first time poster over on The Arms.

lewishardwick

Your parents can do as they please with their money.

I'd always refused financial assistance from them, full in the knowledge they'd helped my sisters out financially to the sun of many thousands.

However, in November lay year while going through the numbers to apply for a mortgage, it was how significant the benefits of a 10% deposit over 5% were.

I couldn't scrape the extra few thousand, so after being offered many times I reluctantly accepted their help.

I will be forever grateful for their help add is made my life infinitely more comfortable!

But no, don't be a plonker!

JDPower

Pollycat wrote: »

You're right.
Shame on MSE Nick!

For creating the original fake post you mean?

lobbyludd

My younger brother received substantially more financial help from my parents than I did.

which is both fine by me, and none of my business. I love my brother and my parents, he needs more financial help than I do and it's their cash, we are extremely lucky they were able and willing to help us at all.

minicooper272

All siblings seem to go through this "they buy you more" issue. My sister did it with me after she left for uni and I was still at home. I think it was something to do with my parents still paying me £5 a week pocket money up to age 18, while hers was stopped at 16.


Years later, my sister had some serious money issues, and my parents helped her out a number of times - the money they gave her probably outweighed the pocket money.


It's swings and roundabouts really. If you're finding it hard, then just point it out to them that you feel its unfair. I don't think you should claim anything back though.

Cloudane

:eek:

Sometimes being an only child has its positive sides, and one of them is that I've never been exposed to the kind of sibling jealousy that would cause me to resent my parents like that! I've never resented them enough to even think about pulling such a d**k move. They've done so much for me over the years (buying me a car is not one of them, and that's fine!)

Hold_on_tightly

You definitely should not present your parents with this 'bill'. I know that most parents with more than one child do their best to treat them equally. In your situation you had an income. Your sibling does not. You don't seem to think that it is fair to you that you had to pay for your car expenses whilst he (so far) has not. But think about this; Is it fair to your sibling for you to get paid expenses whilst having a job, which means that you get 'more'? Will he have to start paying when he gets a job? It'll only be unfair if he becomes employed but your parents still pay for his car. Also equality isn't about "he got that so I want that".

I have an older brother and a younger sister. When my brother got to collage age he temporarily moved in with my father to study. When he finished he moved home and I went to my father's and when I left my sister did the same (the area we grew up in had horrible collages). Whilst living with my father and step mother both my brother and sister got various expensive presents but I did not. This was offset by my brother and sister having to get a part time job and paying a bit of rent where as I did not (I was born with a painful physical disability which meant that I could only work a couple of hours a week on top of going to collage, where as my brother and sister both worked 12 hours a week). I had friends who said that it was unfair that they received these gifts when I did not. I don't think it was unfair at all not only because I didn't have to pay rent but because they were GIFTS. Do you ask for a tally down to the pounds and pence when Christmas comes around to make sure that you are getting the same amount? Your parents could have bought you your car on a loan basis but they did not. It was a GIFT. Do they expect your brother to pay back the running costs or is it a GIFT? It's your parents money and they have the right to decide what to do with it and how much (if anything) they spend on GIFTS. You should be thankful for what your parents chose to give you not resentful for what they did not.