Money Moral Dilemma: Should I 'reclaim' my car expenses?

Peirre

You want to have driving lessons, & drive a car? Grow a pair & pay for your own !!!!!!!!
Maybe then you'll understand you have no automatic right to free transport

Malthusian

Actually to be charitable there is a genuine issue behind this one.

When I was a teenager my sibling had an expensive hobby that my parents paid for. As my own hobbies were cheap, they evened it up by upping my pocket money to £20 a week, the equivalent of my sibling's expenses, which to me was a massive amount. When my sib needed a new car (while I was happily still driving the same one I'd had for years) my parents bought them one and gave me a cash gift. This avoided any chance of feeling that either of us had been treated unfairly. Not that we ever would have felt like that anyway, but it made us all happy, my parents included.

The answer to the so-called Dilemma is obviously "no". But the parents could have prevented the question and the resentment ever arising if they'd been more evenhanded at the time.

Obviously for this approach you need the luxury of having enough cash (and few enough children) to be able to treat them all at the same time. I wouldn't have wanted my sibling to be denied something if our parents couldn't afford to spend the same on me. However it is worth bearing in mind as a lot of families create unnecessary trouble for themselves with the pseudo-Marxist "to each according to his need" philosophy. (The point at which it gets really messy is when they try to write their Wills to "even up" all the historic imbalances, instead of doing it while they're alive...)

Moxxy

My sister was given a watch for passing the 11 plus, my brother got a bike and me? I got nothing. It still rankles over 50 years later. But I forget all the other things that have happened over our life times, like when my dad gave me his old car or my mum slipped me a few quid when I was struggling, or the times when they just loved me. My suggestion is to forgive and forget and don't allow bitterness to live rent free in your head.

crmism

I amazed that you should have the nerve to ask a question like this. Just how grasping can you get?

Unlike very many youngsters, you had your first car bought for you and were even encouraged to go to university rather than find a proper job the moment you left school and help out with household expenses, ie keep. Don't you think your parents have done enough for you already? Or are you one of those who go through life penny-pinching and treating others as your servants?

As to your brother's circumstances, these have nothing to do with yours and any decision to give him extra help rests with your parents, not you.

Pollycat

Moxxy wrote: »

My sister was given a watch for passing the 11 plus, my brother got a bike and me? I got nothing. It still rankles over 50 years later. But I forget all the other things that have happened over our life times, like when my dad gave me his old car or my mum slipped me a few quid when I was struggling, or the times when they just loved me. My suggestion is to forgive and forget and don't allow bitterness to live rent free in your head.

I'm quite shocked that you remember something that you didn't get 50 years ago but forget the things you did get.

If not getting a watch or bike 50 years ago still rankles with you, do you think you've been letting bitterness live in your head rent-free?

Hil277

Remember your brother will have tuition fees and living expenses while he is at uni which I can't imagine your parents can afford to fund. So he will have a student loan to repay, which you won't have, unless you go to uni. For the three years, or more he is at uni you are earning, he isn't. You may want to consider whether your parents have provided free accommodation for you at home while you've been an apprentice. Take a look at what you've got rather than what you haven't, and be grateful. Most parents can't afford to buy a car for one child, let alone two.

Ageing_hippy

shuck wrote: »

What ever happened to being grateful for what you get. The relationship with your parents is a personal one, NOT a business one. Have you thought about the fact they may have been struggling with money behind the scenes and were only able to buy you a car at the time, and not run it for you.


I love this website and think it has wonderful ideas for people to save money, but every now and then it throws up how cold and ungrateful people can be.


It is not your place to demand money from your parents, take a step back and reassess the situation. Hopefully you will see how selfish you are being.

Couldn't agree more.
You will also find out that life is not fair.

MDSDerby

If one of my children tried to "reclaim expenses" from us they would get a much larger one in return for "expenses spent raising an ungrateful child". And then probably be shown the door. I have never heard such a thing.

Pollycat

MDSDerby wrote: »

If one of my children tried to "reclaim expenses" from us they would get a much larger one in return for "expenses spent raising an ungrateful child". And then probably be shown the door. I have never heard such a thing.

Puts me in mind of the Tammy Wynette song "No charge". :rotfl:

jumpedtheshark

No, you can't reclaim expenses.

But it's worthwhile to think about what's going on: If this is genuine favouritism, is it just your parents at fault or also your sibling (making demands, etc.)? If it's just your parents, don't take it out on your sibling. If it's not favouritism, but your parents trying to do their best for everyone, cut them some slack, realise that they love you and are trying their hardest, and get over it.

Speaking of my family, favouritism was just one of the problems. One of my two siblings even suggested to me that I was treated worst and they weren't sure why. I haven't spoken to my parents in years and have no regrets. I have a good relationship with my siblings.