Money Moral Dilemma: Should I 'reclaim' my car expenses?

shuck

What ever happened to being grateful for what you get. The relationship with your parents is a personal one, NOT a business one. Have you thought about the fact they may have been struggling with money behind the scenes and were only able to buy you a car at the time, and not run it for you.


I love this website and think it has wonderful ideas for people to save money, but every now and then it throws up how cold and ungrateful people can be.


It is not your place to demand money from your parents, take a step back and reassess the situation. Hopefully you will see how selfish you are being.

Gloomendoom

Are these Money Moral Dilemma things real questions by real people or just made up by the MSE team?

I've always assumed the latter to be the case.

sparky421

sorry to be blunt but it really annoys me when somebody who is given a gift then complains that another has been given more.

Be grateful for what you're given

Teacher2

When my children were little I tried to treat them fairly and equally and to minimise opportunities for jealousy. For example, my husband's parents bought 'a little something' for the other child when one had a birthday, and I copied this.

However, it is impossible to be totally even as needs differ. I had to explain many times that if one child's shoes wore out I could only afford to buy a replacement pair and the other child would have to wait until they needed a pair to be bought them. They seemed to get the massage because they respected the intention to be fair.

However, I was not treated the same as my sister and I observe that in many families children are treated differently from each other - and often very unfairly.

I think that the best thing to do is for an individual to rise above unfairness and not to harbour resentment. Jealousy and resentment only poison the envious person's life and have little effect on anyone else's behaviour.

I think, however, that parents who have favourites are toxic and spiteful and often ruin their children's lives, often in ways they do not think about when they are indulging one child and neglacting another.

Ironically, it is often the spoilt child whose life is negatively affected. I have a close relative who spoilt her youngest and the effect has been to make this child depressed and rebellious.

Mollyeyre

Should you 'reclaim' your car expenses? You have absolutely NO RIGHT to expect this from your very generous parents - How dare you be so ungrateful and rude.
They do not even have to explain to you why they have done this for your brother. Certainly his circumstances are different to yours, their own circumstances may also have changed in the intervening years, but this really is not the point. A gift to you is just that, and similarly their gift to your brother is a gift.
If I were your parent I would be considering asking you for a refund on the cost of the car because of your ingratitude.
OK Rant over! As a parent, although we treat our children the same and love them the same their needs may not always be identical.

jackstaffie

What rights would those be? You should grateful to parents what they did for you, not jealous. Circumstances change- I'm sure both yours and your parents' will have done, and people do what they can at the time. Don't turn family life into a competition tinged with bitterness. Be happy for your brother and move on!

Sunshinedec

My two children, thank goodness, understand that parents are sometimes in a better position financially than others. We pull together as a family to help each other out. My son had to save and buy his own car, I let him share mine whilst doing so, he had it evenings/weekends whilst I had it daytimes to get to work. 4 years on my daughter is at uni and we are in a better position financially, he has no problem with us buying a car for my daughter - in his words, "go ahead mum, she needs it, I'm working and can support myself, I stayed at home for uni whilst she is away". I thank my lucky stars I have a son who cares and thinks like this rather than someone who is so ungrateful!

silvercar

I'm so glad my children don't behave like you.

The eldest was bought a car when he was learning to drive. Then his brother learnt to drive and so they shared the car. Then one was away from home and the other at uni, so the car was only used sparingly. Now the younger one has come home and has a job that requires driving to work, so we have replaced the car. So the elder one had use of a car for 8 years and now younger one has a new (to him) car. No-one has had a conversation about what is fair and how much money each benefited by. It is what was needed at various stages, so what we did.

If you want to over analyse, throw in the costs of insurance at various stages, which in some years cost as much as the car was worth!

Pollycat

The question I would ask the OP is:
"Whose money is it"?

Yep, it belongs to your parents.
Their money, their choice of how to spend it.

As the eldest of 3, I had very little financial help from my parents.
Not their fault, Dad's job didn't pay very well and Mum didn't work.

My much younger sister, however, had pretty much everything she wanted.
Did I present my parents with a bill for what I'd missed out on?
Of course not.

Will the OP be back asking about his 'inheritance' later, do we think?
I wouldn't be surprised with such a grasping attitude to money that isn't even his.

Tipperary

Be thankful that your parents bought you a car. At 17 very few young people get such a windfall!

Parents support their children as best they can. No two kids have the same needs. You had a job, low paid as most apprenticeships are but you had an income. Your brother does not. Your parents really have little choice other than to tell your brother to use public transport. Then who is getting the better deal?

Don't judge your "entitlement" on this one issue, look at what your parents have done for you over your lifetime and hopefully you will be grateful.

Take a step back and support your parents and your brother. Life is too short!