Worth trying to stay friends with someone so completely different?

happyandcontented

Person_one wrote: »

It would only matter if you believed that being gay was somehow 'worse' than being straight.

Not at all. I imagine most people want others to see them as they are, rather than as what pre conceived notions might lead them to believe.

You haven't answered my question as to when the change took place and why? Why would two women sharing a room on holiday now be assumed to be gay when previously that didn't happen? Why would it now be the default option?

annandale

I actually don't see why you can't be friends with someone who is anti brexit if you are pro brexit. Or who is more supportive to nationalism and you not.

What does it matter if you have differing views on these issues?

I don't view myself as being British. I'm Scottish. I've got English friends who would also consider themselves English first and British second.

Other people I know consider themselves British first and Scottish or English second.

Why would these differing views mean you can't be friends with someone?

Person_one

happyandcontented wrote: »

You haven't answered my question as to when the change took place and why? Why would two women sharing a room on holiday now be assumed to be gay when previously that didn't happen? Why would it now be the default option?

I've no idea why it remotely matters, but I'd say it was a gradual change as same sex relationships became less stigmatised and more accepted and couples felt more able to relax and be themselves in public, therefore the straight majority got more used to meeting them in various settings and stopped being shocked at the very idea!

happyandcontented

Person_one wrote: »

I've no idea why it remotely matters, but I'd say it was a gradual change as same sex relationships became less stigmatised and more accepted and couples felt more able to relax and be themselves in public, therefore the straight majority got more used to meeting them in various settings and stopped being shocked at the very idea!

The rightful acceptance of gay relationships really doesn't explain why it should become the default assumption when gay couples are still not the majority or even close to it.

moneyistooshorttomention

happyandcontented wrote: »

Not at all. I imagine most people want others to see them as they are, rather than as what pre conceived notions might lead them to believe.

You haven't answered my question as to when the change took place and why? Why would two women sharing a room on holiday now be assumed to be gay when previously that didn't happen? Why would it now be the default option?

I know exactly what you mean by this.

I recall a holiday one time with a female friend. We opted for a twin room each time as we travelled around the country concerned. On the one occasion where it was a remote mountain village and the only room available was a double one - we both just shrugged and took it and neither of us thought anything of it.

Last night I went out for a meal with a female friend here. We were the only two women sharing a table together - but I trust no-one thought we were anything other than friends and I expect she felt the same (me single and her a widow). On spotting two young men eating together at another table - then I assumed that they were just friends and not a couple.

Why should standard heterosexual people feel that a wrong assumption might be automatically made about us and be put in a position where we had to say "Actually - no you've got it wrong. We're just friends". It would be rather offputting to feel one had to explain being conventional every time - rather than people just assuming that we are conventional automatically. Life is easier if one starts by assuming everyone is "conventional" and waits to see if there is a definite clue that things are otherwise in any respect. At which point - I'd treat any couple as a couple if that's what they had made it plain they were.

Person_one

happyandcontented wrote: »

The rightful acceptance of gay relationships really doesn't explain why it should become the default assumption when gay couples are still not the majority or even close to it.

If you meet two thirty something women on holiday together, sharing a room, I don't think its particularly egregious or surprising that your first guess would be that they're a couple.

If that's not the case, the assumption is easily corrected with no harm done. Nobody comes to any harm because somebody else mistakenly thinks they are in a same sex relationship, do they? Only somebody who was at least a little bit homophobic, even if they didn't admit it even to themselves, would consider it an insulting and unacceptable assumption.

Person_one

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Why should standard heterosexual people feel that a wrong assumption might be automatically made about us and be put in a position where we had to say "Actually - no you've got it wrong. We're just friends". It would be rather offputting to feel one had to explain being conventional every time - rather than people just assuming that we are conventional automatically.

:rotfl:

Conventional and heterosexual are not synonyms!

What is 'standard heterosexual' person anyway? As opposed to just a heterosexual person?

moneyistooshorttomention

I think we probably all like to be recognised accurately - and it's not just down to that particular idea.

There are other errors of judgement people might make (a few people have made) about me and thought I was different to what my genes/my background/etc dictate I actually am - and I'll correct that as well and not be too pleased if I have to do so.

happyandcontented

Person_one wrote: »

If you meet two thirty something women on holiday together, sharing a room, I don't think its particularly egregious or surprising that your first guess would be that they're a couple.

If that's not the case, the assumption is easily corrected with no harm done. Nobody comes to any harm because somebody else mistakenly thinks they are in a same sex relationship, do they? Only somebody who was at least a little bit homophobic, even if they didn't admit it even to themselves, would consider it an insulting and unacceptable assumption.

I disagree ( and I infer that makes me subconsciously homophobic!:rotfl:)

It certainly wouldn't be my first assumption/guess in the absence of any other overt clues; handholding, kissing or other PDA's. I regularly share a room with friends. My default assumption would be that they were simply friends until I was told otherwise or there was other evidence that pointed that way.

Why is my assumption less valid than yours? My assumption hurts no one either.

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barbarawright

Why does it matter if someone who you're not interested in sleeping with gets your sexuality wrong? Does anyone really care?