Worth trying to stay friends with someone so completely different?

moneyistooshorttomention

Person_one wrote: »

But...didn't you say not that long ago that you'd be upset and insulted if anybody mistakenly thought you were gay?

I don't recall exactly what I said/dont take peoples comments out of context they were in personally.

I don't wish anyone to say I'm anything other than I am - ie heterosexual. That's basically because I appreciate that life is easier for me because I am. I used to feel sorry for gay friends' concerns as to whether they could be open about being gay or no - as they commented quite freely to me about their lives (but felt they couldnt do so to a lot of other people).

I had life so much easier - as I could comment to anyone I pleased/be quite open about my own lovelife without anyone blinking an eyelash. If I wanted to walk down the street hand in hand with a partner - no-one would blink an eyelash.

Personally - I'm always glad of anything that makes my life easier and being able to be completely open about one aspect of it (because it was the conventional way to be) made my life way easier. To me I see it in exactly the same light as being glad that being a woman meant I got my State Pension earlier than I would have done if I were a man - it made my life a lot easier. Though I sympathise with men for having to wait that bit longer for theirs.

Person_one

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I don't recall exactly what I said/dont take peoples comments out of context they were in personally.

I don't wish anyone to say I'm anything other than I am - ie heterosexual. That's basically because I appreciate that life is easier for me because I am. I used to feel sorry for gay friends' concerns as to whether they could be open about being gay or no - as they commented quite freely to me about their lives (but felt they couldnt do so to a lot of other people).

I had life so much easier - as I could comment to anyone I pleased/be quite open about my own lovelife without anyone blinking an eyelash. If I wanted to walk down the street hand in hand with a partner - no-one would blink an eyelash.

Personally - I'm always glad of anything that makes my life easier and being able to be completely open about one aspect of it (because it was the conventional way to be) made my life way easier. To me I see it in exactly the same light as being glad that being a woman meant I got my State Pension earlier than I would have done if I were a man - it made my life a lot easier. Though I sympathise with men for having to wait that bit longer for theirs.

Gosh, that's a rather different explanation than on the thread where I saw that comment!

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=70643604&postcount=268

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=70643701&postcount=271

moneyistooshorttomention

Dog with a bone in its mouth - and not wanting to let it go....

...and totally irrelevant to this thread.

Person_one

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Dog with a bone in its mouth - and not wanting to let it go....

...and totally irrelevant to this thread.

Is it though?

You came on here complaining that your friend finds some of your views 'shocking'.

Do you not think that maybe a bit of thought about why she might think that (and about the reasons that might be to do with you, not her) might be helpful? Both in this friendship and in future ones.

You do seem to have a history of struggling to get along with others.

pollypenny

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I think this is the thing all round. Those differing views boil down (as far as I can make out) between us to:

Me - Brexit. Her - remain.
Me - slightly more "straitlaced" about what public behaviour is acceptable or not
Me - British. Her - rather supportive to nationalism.
Me - my own particular beliefs. Her atheist (that difference is no big deal to either of us I think)

I've learnt it's no good expecting agreement/sympathetic comments about the first three points from her and have just said "We'll have to agree to differ on those points then" and make a phonecall back to friends back in home area for any agreement/support there. Both of us will just have to keep those 3 topics out of the conversation. But then found her saying she's "shocked" and rolling eyes about my viewpoints and saying I'm wrong:huh:. I'm not saying I'm "shocked"/rolling eyes/saying she's wrong to her about her viewpoints - so don't see why I'm getting it from her about mine - I'm just saying that I don't agree/think differently.

Would I be correct in assuming that 'nationalism' refers to her understanding of Welsh nationalism, as you both moved to Wales?

I am Welsh and also British. Very few Welsh people reject thei notion. However, I see myself as Welsh first.

I remember you had a signature referring to Britishness, which suggested that you'd clashed with someone over nationality.

What really gets our goat is the use of England when the point refers to the whole of the U.K. Hopefully you've not done that.

happyandcontented

Person_one wrote: »

But...didn't you say not that long ago that you'd be upset and insulted if anybody mistakenly thought you were gay?

I am not sure that holding that opinion should be defined as "shocking".

I have two friends at work who holiday together and are both unmarried, one a divorcee, one never married. Last week another friend was chatting to other colleagues and they mentioned x and y as being a "couple". That is simply not true, they are just friends, but I know that both of them would be mortified if they knew what was being said about them.

Years ago two unmarried women holidaying together would be the norm and not cause any comment. When did the pendulum swing so far the other way that the assumption is made that they are gay?

Person_one

happyandcontented wrote: »

I am not sure that holding that opinion should be defined as "shocking".

I have two friends at work who holiday together and are both unmarried, one a divorcee, one never married. Last week another friend was chatting to other colleagues and they mentioned x and y as being a "couple". That is simply not true, they are just friends, but I know that both of them would be mortified if they knew what was being said about them.

Years ago two unmarried women holidaying together would be the norm and not cause any comment. When did the pendulum swing so far the other way that the assumption is made that they are gay?

Why mortified?

I go on holiday with a female friend regularly, we are well aware that lots of people will assume we're a couple, but its not an insult! If we were a couple, that would be ok, wouldn't it? It wouldn't actually matter...

jamiehelsinki

If someone in the UK asks my nationality I say Welsh. If out of the UK on holidays or with work I say i'm British.

I guess I'm Welsh for sport and local rivalries but British when it comes to Nationality, getting called English does stir me though!

happyandcontented

Person_one wrote: »

Why mortified?

I go on holiday with a female friend regularly, we are well aware that lots of people will assume we're a couple, but its not an insult! If we were a couple, that would be ok, wouldn't it? It wouldn't actually matter...

It may not matter to you but it would to others.

Like it or not the majority of people are still heterosexual, therefore, why would that assumption be made? When did that sea change happen?

Of course it is ok, there are several gay couples at work, but they are not one of them.

Person_one

happyandcontented wrote: »

It may not matter to you but it would to others.

It would only matter if you believed that being gay was somehow 'worse' than being straight.